One of the most difficult tasks in relationships is to maintain our sense of self...to not loose our self in relationship. This can be even more challenging during times of conflict, stress and uncertainty. And especially true when our partner is pressuring us to be something different or when we fear their reaction and ultimately a loss of approval and love.  (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)   In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:   How important it is to work on becoming differentiated in relationship. The fallout of not maintaining a solid sense of self.  What it looks like when couples get stuck in emotional fusion and gridlock.  Dr. David Schnarch's Four Points Of Balance: Solid Flexible Self, Quiet Mind - Calm Heart, Grounded Responding, and Meaningful Endurance.  How differentiation relates to our passion, sexual desire and sexual intimacy.     "A solid sense of self develops from confronting yourself, challenging yourself to do what's right, and earning your own self-respect. It develops from inside you rather than from internalizing what's around you." by Dr. David Schnarch   Mentioned:   Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Crucible Institute Dr. David Schnarch (website) Intimacy & Desire, by Dr. David Schnarch (book) Resurrecting Sex, by Dr. David Schnarch (book) Passionate Marriage, by Dr. David Schnarch (book) ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) ERP 234: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part two (podcast) ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part One (podcast) ERP 223: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part One (podcast) ERP 224: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part Two (podcast) Dr. Susan Johnson's website  Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:   Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts  Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com     If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me. 

ERP 238: How To Find Your Emotional Balance In Relationship

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Jealousy is a complex emotional response often triggered by feelings of insecurity and fear of loss, and can profoundly impact personal relationships. It typically arises when an individual perceives a threat to a valued relationship, whether the threat is real or imagined. This emotion can lead to behaviors aimed at preventing loss, such as excessive monitoring or controlling tendencies, yet these actions often exacerbate the fears driving the jealousy. In this episode, we delve into pervasive issues surrounding jealousy, uncovering their origins rooted in individual past experiences and amplified by today's social media-driven culture. The discussion offers valuable insights into the psychological patterns contributing to jealous behaviors. You'll discover practical tips and methods for self-regulation, including breathing exercises and strategies for improving communication with partners. Emphasizing self-awareness and the conscious choice in responding to relationship stressors, this episode aims to transform approaches to trust and connection, empowering individuals to cultivate healthier, more secure emotional bonds. Shanenn Bryant is the founder and CEO of Top Self, a self-development company offering coaching, courses, and community to those with feelings of low self-worth, insecurity, and jealousy in their relationship. Using her instructional design certification Shanenn has developed many sales, systems, and development skills courses and delivered more than 400 training classes. As a relationship confidence expert, and the host of the Top Self podcast, Shanenn has inspired thousands to break up with bogus beliefs, crack the control code, and overhaul their insecure habits. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 05:41 Shannon Bryant's mission to combat relationship insecurities. 08:51 Understanding the roots and impact of jealousy on relationships. 13:43 The interconnectedness of jealousy, anxiety, and insecurity, relating them to past experiences of relational trauma and insecure attachments. 26:01 The tendency to be attracted to unavailable partners as a means of avoiding self-reflection and confronting personal issues. 27:13 The role of technology in exacerbating jealousy and practical steps to address it. 34:37 Balancing trust and vigilance: Navigating the fine line in relationships. 37:51 Strategies for overcoming jealousy addiction. 41:03 The concept of jealousy as a symptom rather than the problem itself, emphasizing its role as a solution signaling underlying issues. 47:38 Coaching, resources, and trust-building programs for overcoming jealousy. Mentioned Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication  Connect with Shanenn Bryant Websites: topself.com Instagram: instagram.com/topselfcoach Podcast: topself.com/podcast — TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy in Relationships, Anxiety, and Insecurity Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 422: How To Work Through Jealousy & Insecure Tendencies In Relationship — Shanenn Bryant

Keeping the flame of passion alive in a relationship can be a challenging endeavor, especially amidst the demands and stresses of everyday life. From managing work responsibilities to navigating household chores and family commitments, couples often find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of obligations, leaving little room for fun and positive connections. In this episode, we explore actionable strategies and valuable insights aimed at addressing the challenge of maintaining fun and positivity in a relationship. From practical tips to infuse joy into everyday moments to revitalizing the bond between partners, we offer guidance on reigniting the spark and fostering a deeper connection amidst life's demands. Arlene Pellicane is a renowned author and speaker specializing in marriage and parenting. She has been featured on numerous media outlets such as The Today Show, Wall Street Journal, Focus on the Family, Fox & Friends, TLC’s Home Made Simple, FamilyLife Today, and The 700 Club. Arlene also hosts the Happy Home podcast and has authored popular books like "31 Days to a Happy Husband" and "31 Days to Becoming a Happier Wife". Alongside her husband James of over 25 years, Arlene resides in the San Diego area with their three children: Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 06:43 Arlene’s journey from being raised in a loving family to becoming a champion of healthy relationships. 10:55 Cultivating daily intimacy. 14:42 Nurturing connection through fresh perspectives. 21:58 The importance of scheduling regular dates in maintaining a thriving relationship. 26:44 Rediscovering playfulness and adventure, especially for couples who may have lost touch with these aspects of their connection. 30:15 Strategies for couples feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of planning weekly or bi-monthly dates. 33:13 Cultivating connection through regular getaways. 40:13 The importance of maintaining a positive focus on connection during designated relationship rituals like date nights and getaways. Mentioned National Marriage Week USA Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) 31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Atomic Habits (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) ERP 089: How to Use Love Languages to Strengthen Connection ERP 090: How to Use Love Languages to Strengthen Connection – Part Two Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love  Connect with Arlene Pellicane Websites: arlenepellicane.com/about Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-happy-home-podcast-with-arlene-pellicane (Apple Podcast link) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 421: How To Keep The Fun & Positivity Alive In Relationship — An Interview With Arlene Pellicane

Loneliness and disconnection in relationships can often stem from unmet needs for emotional connection. When one partner reaches out for support, validation, or understanding, and their bids go unnoticed or ignored, it can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation. This lack of responsiveness can create a sense of being unheard or unseen, deepening the emotional distance between partners. Over time, repeated instances of unmet bids can erode trust and intimacy, leaving individuals feeling unfulfilled and disconnected in their relationship. In this episode, Laura Heck and Dr. Jessica Higgins delve into the importance of turning towards your partner in a relationship to address feelings of loneliness and disconnection. By understanding the bidding system in relationships and learning to respond with empathy and curiosity, individuals can build stronger connections with their partners. This episode emphasizes the significance of acknowledging past traumas, developing new skills, and fostering grace and understanding to overcome emotional barriers and create a more fulfilling and intimate partnership. Laura Heck is a licensed marriage and family therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist, co-host of Marriage Therapy Radio, and host of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work workshop for couples. She speaks and trains for The Gottman Institute and is a regular media expert on the topic of intimate relationships. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 05:30 Laura Heck's journey into relationship support. 11:22 Understanding bids for connection in relationships. 16:27 Importance of positive to negative ratios in relationships. 21:23 Exploring bids and responses in relationship dynamics. 26:03 Understanding shutting down in relationships. 31:37 Responding to criticism and harsh startups. 33:18 Repairing miscommunications and misunderstandings. 42:32 Building compassion and empathy in relationships. 45:16 Addressing trust and misunderstandings in relationships. Mentioned The Gottman Institute The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (*Amazon affiliate link) (book) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication  Connect with Laura Heck Websites: marriagetherapyradio.com Facebook: facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio Twitter: twitter.com/forbetter_us Instagram: instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio/id1295458667?mt=2 (Apple Podcast) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 420: The Importance Of "Turning Towards" In Relationship — An Interview With Laura Heck

How can we cultivate a culture of emotional safety within our relationships, where vulnerability is embraced and recurring negative patterns are met with empathy and understanding, rather than defensiveness or blame? Traumas, whether subtle or overt, can fuel recurring negative patterns that gradually erode the foundation of a relationship. These unseen wounds, left unattended, can manifest as distress and conflict, undermining the very fabric of our closest bonds. In this episode, we delve into the depths of these dynamics, exploring how awareness, vulnerability, and proactive communication can pave the way for healing and transformation. Join us as we navigate the complexities of attachment styles, emotional safety, and the power of corrective emotional experiences in forging healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Jennine Estes Powell & Jacqueline Wielick, are distinguished Therapists and co-authors of "Help For High-Conflict Couples." Jacqueline Wielick is the owner of her practice, Therapy by Jackie, and is known for the empowering, empathetic, and engaging style she brings to her work. Jennine Estes Powell is a dedicated therapist for her clients, and is the driving force behind Estes Therapy, a thriving group practice in San Diego, the go-to hub for couples counseling. She also trains therapists globally. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 07:52 Jennine and Jacqueline‘s personal journeys into emotionally focused therapy. 13:03 Distinguishing high conflict from regular conflict. 20:13 The subtleties of trauma, challenging stereotypical perceptions of traumatic experiences. 23:18 How differing attachment styles can create communication barriers within relationships. 28:15 The evolution of relationships: Understanding the shift from early romance to bonded attachment. 34:53 Individual and couple strategies for recognizing and addressing attachment insecurities. 40:54 Repairing relationship patterns through vulnerability and repetition. 55:59 Accessible support and resources. Mentioned Help for High-Conflict Couples (website) (speaking events)  Help for High-Conflict Couples: Using Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Science of Attachment to Build Lasting Connection Paperback (book) (affiliate) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication  Connect with Jennine Estes Powell Websites: helpforhighconflictcouples.com | estestherapy.com | jenninepowell.com Instagram: instagram.com/estes_therapy TikTok: tiktok.com/@jennine_estes Connect with Jacqueline Wielick Websites: helpforhighconflictcouples.com| jackiewielick.com Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 419: How to Identify and Break Negative Cycles (Especially High Conflict Cycles) in Relationship — An Interview with Jennine Estes Powell & Jacqueline Wielick

Emotional immaturity can hinder our ability to form healthy connections and make sound decisions. But is it truly possible to overcome emotional immaturity, even if you've experienced significant developmental setbacks or challenges? Similar to research findings that suggest it's possible to develop more secure functioning or earn a secure attachment style later in life, it's feasible to achieve emotional growth and maturity. In our fifth installment on the topic of emotional immaturity, we uncover practical strategies and insights to foster emotional growth. With a focus on seven key practices, including creating a safe space for growth and honing interpersonal skills, the discussion offers a roadmap for enhancing emotional intelligence. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone exhibiting signs of emotional immaturity, it's crucial to consider revisiting the recommendations outlined in episode 416. Engaging in heartfelt, candid conversations with your partner about the importance of cultivating emotional maturity can pave the way for mutual understanding and growth within the relationship. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 6:48 A recap of the previous episodes on emotional maturity. 9:13 The dynamic nature of emotional maturity highlights its placement on a continuum that allows for growth and development. 14:21 Establishing a safe practice environment. 21:28 Embracing emotional awareness and connection. 26:39 Accepting emotional growth as a continuous process 31:30 Cultivating conscious regulation skills. 36:12 The importance of engaging in honest and uncomfortable conversations 41:44 Taking ownership and accountability within relationships. 45:19 Cultivating interpersonal and relational proficiency. Mentioned Signs of Emotional Immaturity: How to Identify and Support People with Emotional Immaturity Emotions as Honored Guests (article) The Value in Pain and the Pain in Value | Lode Dewulf | TEDxVlerickBusinessSchool ERP 276: Understanding the Need for Both Self-Regulation and Co-regulation in Relationship – An Interview with Deb Dana ERP 261: How to Strengthen Your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective – An Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges ERP 140: How Pain and Suffering Increase & What to Do About It ERP 410: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship? ERP 411: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship? Part Two ERP 413: How Does Emotional Immaturity Develop & the Difference between Emotional Immaturity and Emotional Abuse? Part Three ERP 416: What to Consider If You Are in a Relationship with an Emotionally Immature Person — Part Four Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love  Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 238: How To Find Your Emotional Balance In Relationship

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