ERP 280: What We Expect Around Vulnerability In Relationship & Why It Matters - An Interview with Mitchell Smolkin

The natural fear we feel when showing vulnerability is tied to our survival instinct. However, this fear can affect intimacy in our relationships. Working through the specific moments in our past which triggered this fear is a painful but rewarding process, and can allow us to grow and foster more intimate relationships. The causes of our fears account for many factors including cultural and intergenerational trauma. Therefore, the most important elements to foster healing are open communication and creating a safe space to be vulnerable. Mitchell Smolkin is a certified emotionally-focused couples therapist (EFT), Jungian psychoanalyst, published author, experienced public speaker, and the host of “The Dignity of Suffering Podcast.” He explains what we should expect around vulnerability in relationships & why it matters. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 03:56 Introduction to Mitchell and EFT 07:24 Vulnerability in relationship is a particular skill that is practiced over a lifetime. 11:11 Cultural and intergenerational history are important contexts in the process of healing.  18:42 Vulnerability as a relational phenomena. Notice your first reactions to disconnection, name them, to track where the upset originates.  25:28 Hiding what you are feeling can't overwrite the nervous system. We have mirror neurons that actually anticipate partner's responses. 29:07 Just allowing another person can establish safety. However, being anti-social is tied to survival but this is terrible for intimacy. 35:26 How to discern between vulnerability and being afraid. Just talking about it with a professional creates the safety to get out of your cycles of fear. 44:01 Meaningful conversations need to happen in the right environments, as well as the right frames of mind. Partners are continuously learning how to make each other safe. 48:12 Connect with Mitchell Mentioned Mitchell Smolkin Website Mitchell Smolkin Instagram The Dignity of Suffering Podcast Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.