In Another Life

by Kelly Sandoval

Waking after a night spent slipping, I reach for Louisa automatically, rolling into the empty space where she belongs. I lick the memory of her from my lips, languid with sex. The alarm shrieks from my bedside table but I've gotten good at ignoring it.

We went skating. Louisa wore a purple sweater and, giggling and unsteady, clung to my arm. We kissed on the ice and she pressed herself against me, her frozen fingers sneaking under my coat to stroke my back. It's her laughter I cling to. These days, I only hear her low, honeyed laugh when I'm slipping. I miss the warmth of it.

But it fades. Even the taste of her fades.

I tell myself it's all right. That it's necessary. I've got an appointment with my therapist at noon. If I'm still clinging to the night's slip, he'll know I haven't been taking my medication.

No help for it. I drag myself out of bed and hit the alarm. My head pounds and the world blurs along the edges. I've slipped for three nights straight and ice skating with Louisa is nothing like sleeping. If I don't take a day off soon, it'll start to get dangerous.

My therapist would say it's already dangerous. But he doesn't understand what I've lost.