Brain Worms and White Whales

by Jen Finelli

My name isn't Spaceman Spiff, and if you call me Ishmael I'll knock the chewing gum right out of your mouth.

Actually, can I get a piece of that? We don't get gum up here.

Thanks. I know you're new here—service droid, right?—so take a look around before I explain why I called you into my office. Heads up, it's because you did something bad. See this pose? My boots on my desk, arms crossed, limitless backdrop of space out the window behind me as ignored in all its glory as a homemaker whose husband works overtime for secretary kisses? Yeah, this pose, this clean wooden desk, this suitcase full of old Colt firearms behind me, they all mean something.

They mean I'm a man with a past and I like to shoot things.