We Paid Some Etsy Witches to Curse Charlie Kirk:

If the far-right misogynist with a bad haircut wants to villainize independent women, Jezebel is more than happy to be the hag of his nightmares. [...]

Then I found the crown jewel: "Shit Your Pants Spell." Review: "It really worked. Thank you." At that point, it was clear I'd need to order multiple curses, at different severity levels and price points, to guarantee results.

Update: I did not have Jezebel on my "preemptively kowtow to the fascist regime" bingo card, but here we are. "On the recommendation of our lawyers", "driven by an abundance of caution".

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.