Panic, anxiety, fear, uncertainty, and doubt have plagued my life as far as I can remember. They follow me wherever I go. With others and alone, speaking and silent. And like some unspeakable horror, it encroaches upon me.

•

Lyrics:

There is no refuge in the vineyard of the Lᴏʀᴅ.

There is no fleeing to the kingdom of Annwfn.

She told me to find and embrace it all around me,

but as I reach out it withdraws from my grasp.

Even the almighty Sun has moths flying into it.

Clanging clanging forward on without ܪܘܼܚܵܐ

withdrawn from the שְׁכִינָה

it finds me again

it finds me again and again

—there is no place I can hide

—there is no place I can run

If I escape to the ends of the Earth its

face will greet me there.

If I flee out to the blackness between the stars

I will be found yet again.

If I run into my lover's arms there it will be in

his eyes in her smile

Everywhere it is falling falling down upon me

nowhere at no place can I breathe can I stand

It is not a cold fire that may comfort me.

It is not a warm ocean that may sustain me.

It is not a living thing but it is not dead—

being neither, it is omnipresent, hidden from my sight.

אֵלֵךְ בְּגֵיא צַלְמָוֶת

and yet there is no comfort, for I am another

schizo out on a stroll

yet I see no living things, but deadest trees

and rotting houses, crumbling sidewalks,

and I run, I run run run to the end of the road

just to see a billboard, undead, with its face moving—

I live not, though I cannot die.

If others have been unstuck in time, then I may be

the first to be unstuck in Being

suffocated and delirious, falling down down toward nihil

and if I reach

if I grasp

if I try to embrace

it all withdraws

for it all is nihil

•

Credits:

• Evangeline Sutherland

——vocals, synths, production, lyrics, composition