This isn’t about one moment. It’s about something that hit deep enough, I couldn’t go back to pretending it didn’t matter. It hit hard.

But what hit even harder was my reaction to it, how it brought something out of me that I didn’t want to meet. Something I thought I had outgrown. moved through and released And yet… there it was. It came out of nowhere loud and fast. And truly, it caught me off guard.

Not ’cause it lasted… but just ’cause it was there at all. Since then, I’ve been sitting with it. Tears. Guilt. A loop in my mind that won’t let go. It’s like I owed an apology but not to anybody standing in front of me. Just to myself. To the version of me that didn’t show up how I wanted… from the version I never wanted to see again.

And here’s what I realized through every replay of that moment: It wasn’t just about what happened recently. It was a gathering of my past. All of it. Every unprocessed storm. Every heavy moment I never gave space to. It all came to the surface at once Not to dwell in the moment, but to free me.

Because when something hurts that bad, it’s not just about what happened. It’s about what’s still unhealed. What’s been waiting to be held. By you.

And I realized… what came up wasn’t just about now. It was about then. A memory rose up quiet at first. It sat in my chest like something I couldn’t swallow. I remembered being a child. After a moment when my mom had snapped in anger. Even if it didn’t physically hurt… I would go to my room and cry. Not because I got in trouble but because of what didn’t happen after. No one came to hold me. No one told me I was still good. No one helped me feel safe again.

That kind of silence sinks deep. And I carried that silence for years. So now… when I find myself reacting in ways I don’t recognize, when I feel rage I didn’t think I was capable of I’m not just responding to the present. I’m echoing something that was never healed in the past.

It didn’t tear me down. It pointed me inward. To meet what’s old… in the present moment. To stop turning away from the hardest part. Not to excuse it. But to finally free it. I realized I wasn’t just crying for this moment. I was grieving the pressure I’ve been holding. The version of me that thought she had to hold it together. That thought she wasn’t allowed to be overwhelmed. That didn’t know what to do with rage… except push it down and keep moving.

And then one day, that rage said: You can’t ignore me anymore. Rage is not evil. It’s pain in a louder voice. It’s grief, but it’s not quiet. It’s your younger self pounding on the door like I don’t know how else to get you to pay attention. But what do we do when we see a version of ourselves we don’t want to love? What do we do when that part shows up in a way that makes us question who we are? We stop. We sit with it. And we say: I see you. I don’t like this. But I won’t reject you. Because you’re part of me. And I have to love all of me to finally be whole.

This isn’t about giving ourselves a pass. It’s about giving ourselves a mirror. One that says: You are not just your best moments. You are also the moments you grew from. And you are still worthy of love.

If we don’t pause and face the part of ourselves we’re afraid to see, it keeps showing up in ways we don’t want through our words, through our reactions, through our detours. It’s not here to reopen the wound It’s here so I stop pretending it’s not there. It comes back to be loved.

I don’t want that version of me to show up again. Not because I’m afraid of being bad but because I’m choosing clarity. Peace. Integrity.

I want to clear anything I’ve been carrying the stress, the past, the hurt, the fear. And I am clearing it.

This podcast today is not about self-condemnation It’s about healing through honesty. It’s about seeing yourself fully even in the moments that shook you and saying: That hurt. That was hard. But I’m not going to run. I’m going to love my way through this.

I asked my angels for this. To bring up anything that still needed clearing. So I could live with peace. So I could lead with softness. So I could show others how to face themselves with courage, not cruelty. And I found that this… was my lesson. Not to be perfect. But to be whole. To be honest. To be tender with the parts of myself that were never given tenderness before.

Reflection

So I want to ask you something now…

What part of you do you keep trying to push down or ignore? The one that shows up when you’re tired… stretched too thin… or just couldn’t hold it anymore! The one you’re scared to admit is there?

Can you love that part? Can you sit with her, or him, or them, long enough to say: You don’t have to scream anymore. I’m listening now. I’m ready to love even this.

Because if you don’t… that pain will show up in your life again in your tone, in your reactions, in your relationships, in your body. Not because you failed But because it still needs your love. I want to be an example. But not of perfection.Of cleansing. Of clearing. Of what it looks like to stop walking around with unhealed parts shaping your path.

Before we go out and try to save the world, we have to clean out our own hearts. Not in fear. In truth. And sometimes that means letting the ugliest parts of you rise up, so you can finally say: You weren’t out to destroy anything. You were the part of me crying out for help the only way it knew how.

If you’ve been hurting and asking your angels like I have… If you’ve been reliving a moment that broke your heart maybe it’s time to stop punishing yourself. And start loving yourself through it. You’re not trapped, You’re in the middle of the release. Let it move through. Let it make you softer. Let it make you new.

Sometimes the ugliest parts of ourselves show up not to destroy us, but to invite us to love ourselves more honestly. I hope this helped you look inward with a little more compassion.

Before I close out, I want to leave you with this a quiet moment I wrote to myself… A weight I didn’t realize I was still carrying until I put it down.

Journal Reflection: What Made This Hurt So Deeply

I’ve been asking myself why this has been so hard to shake. Why the tears come so fast.

Why the moment keeps replaying like a loop I can’t exit. It wasn’t just what happened.

It was how I responded. What came up in me that I thought I had buried for good.

What I saw in myself that I didn’t want to see again. I wasn’t proud of that version of me.

Not because it lasted long, but because it existed at all. Because it meant something I thought I had healed… wasn’t gone yet.

And the hardest part? I can’t go back and rewrite it. I can’t undo how it felt.

I can only feel it now, fully, and choose to meet it with truth this time. What hurts the most is knowing that version of me came from years of pressure. Of holding things in. Of trying to keep it together. Of not knowing what to do with the intensity I was carrying until it spilled over.

It wasn’t about that single moment. It was the tipping point. A storm that had been gathering, quietly, under the surface. And it finally said, You’re going to feel me. And I did. And I still am.

But here’s what I know now: This ache I keep circling back to it’s not here to hurt me. It’s asking to be heard. It’s the soul’s way of saying: You’re ready to heal this. You’re strong enough to face what you’ve avoided. You’re ready to love the part of you that you thought was unlovable. That’s the work now. Not covering it up. But loving even the part of me that scared me.

I didn’t want to keep walking with this rage inside me, leaking into moments I don’t recognize. So I’ve stopped running. I’m not swallowing it anymore. I’ve stopped saying, I’m fine, when clearly, I wasn’t. I’m meeting it. With breath. With grace. With softness.

Not because I’m okay with it, but because I’m finally choosing to be whole. And maybe… this pain was the invitation. To stop ignoring. To stop hiding.

I used to try to push this part of me away like it didn’t belong. But the truth is, I wasn’t meant to carry it all by myself. So now? I’m holding it. Even this.

Thanks for walking through this with me. If you felt a tug in your own spirit maybe it’s time to stop burying what still needs your love. You’re not bad or horrible. You’re just ready to heal.

Even this.

For the ones who’ve loved me through every version of myself. For the ones I’m still learning to love better. For the ones I’ve hurt, and the ones who’ve helped me heal this is for you.

Because even this deserves love.

May the wisdom within guide you, the freedom within carry you, and the love within remind you….it is already done!

—Renee’

Thank you in advance for helping me carry this mission further. Fuel the Frequency

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