📻 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩 – 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝟔 Show NotesLicensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes unpack acting in—the often‑ignored twin of acting out. Instead of running to porn or affairs, many men manage shame and fear by withdrawing, shutting down, stonewalling, or overworking to avoid real connection. This episode helps you recognize those patterns and see how acting in and acting out are two sides of the same coin.​You’ll learn:A clear definition of acting in and how it differs from (but is driven by the same pain as) acting out.​Common acting‑in behaviors: withdrawal, anger, criticism, overwork, and “respectable” isolation.​Why awareness and community are essential for moving from unconscious reactions to intentional, connected responses in your relationships.​🎟 Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 to save on the Every Man’s Battle Intensive, a 3‑day, in‑person workshop for men seeking freedom from sexual acting out and the isolation of acting in.📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒Want extra tools and follow‑up content for Season 3?👉 Email [email protected] with “Bonus Content” in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Man’s Battle Podcast resources.​Have a question or topic suggestion?👉 Email [email protected] with “Podcast Question” in the subject line.​☎️ Need prayer, a counselor, or more info on workshops and groups?👉 Call 800‑NEW‑LIFE or visit NewLife.com for counseling, groups, and faith‑based sexual integrity resources.​🎟 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑 – 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄If you’re recognizing both acting out and acting in in your story, the Every Man’s Battle Intensive is a powerful next step. This 3‑day, in‑person workshop helps men confront sexual sin, understand the deeper roots of isolation and withdrawal, and build a band of brothers to walk with them in honest connection.​Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 when you register to save on your tuition. If cost is a concern, ask about scholarships and financial assistance when you call 800‑NEW‑LIFE, because New Life does not want money to be the reason you stay stuck.​🎧 Discover more ways to listen watch:👉 Every Man’s Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/​👉 New Life LIVE other podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/​#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #ActingOut #ActingIn #ChristianMen #RecoveryJourney #EmotionalAwareness #Isolation #BrothersInChrist #EveryMansBattleWorkshop #NewLifeMinistries

📻 START YOUR WEEK WITH HOPE ON 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩Licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes welcome back Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Marc Cameron, New Life LIVE panelist and author of Understanding Your Attachment Style, for part two of their deep dive on attachment styles and sexual propensities. In this episode, they unpack the Vacillator and Chaotic/Disorganized (Controller–Victim) patterns, then paint a hopeful picture of what it looks like to become a secure connector—even if you never had that growing up.​​If you haven’t heard Episode 4 yet (Avoider Pleaser), listen to that first and then jump into this continuation. Together, these episodes help men see why their sexual struggles are not random, but tied to how they learned to relate, attach, and cope long before pornography or affairs entered the picture.​​☎️ 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍:“What does the Vacillator look like sexually?”Marc explains that Vacillators (anxious, preoccupied / ambivalent) grew up with inconsistent connection—a parent who was sometimes very present and sometimes absent due to travel, divorce, deployment, or instability. They learn to idealize connection, then protest when they feel let down, creating a push‑pull dynamic of intense pursuit followed by angry withdrawal. Dating can feel intoxicating: rapid emotional bonding, oversharing, and early sexual involvement, but once real life surfaces and the idealized picture collapses, Vacillators can flip from “you’re my soulmate” to “I’m done” almost overnight, often mistaking dopamine‑driven intensity for true intimacy.​​​“Is the Vacillator more ‘love‑addicted’ than sex‑addicted?”JJ and Marc contrast the Avoider’s tendency toward sex addiction (using porn and sex as stress relief) with the Vacillator’s vulnerability to love addiction—chasing the high of romantic intensity and the fantasy of “the one.” Vacillators often believe there is a single perfect person who will finally meet their every need; when that illusion breaks, they detach and go looking for someone new who reignites the feeling.​​“How does this show up in marriage and affairs?”In marriage, Vacillators may start with high passion and frequent sex, especially as a way to feel reassured that the connection is real and not going away. When disappointment sets in, conflict escalates: the Vacillator protests with criticism and complaints, while an Avoider spouse often shuts down or withdraws, creating a classic Avoider–Vacillator cycle. Vacillator affairs tend to be framed as “I’ve fallen in love with someone else,” not just one‑night stands; they see the affair partner as a new ideal, while their spouse becomes the symbol of disappointment and lost connection.​​“What about the Chaotic/Disorganized style—Controller and Victim?”Marc describes Chaotic/Disorganized attachment as forming in homes marked by danger, abuse, addiction, and neglect, where the child’s primary task is survival. Over time, some become Controllers, having learned that in relationships “one person is in charge and the other is powerless,” while others become Victims, developing learned helplessness and trying to stay under the radar to minimize harm. In adulthood, Controllers and Victims often find each other and repeat the abuse cycle; touch has been paired with fear and adrenaline, so sex may become fused with pain, humiliation, and high‑risk behaviors rather than comfort and connection.​​“How do sexual dynamics work between Controllers and Victims?”For Controllers, sex is unilateral and utilitarian—it is something they demand when they want it, often as a way to discharge anger, exert power, or regulate their own nervous system. Victims may endure degrading or painful sexual acts primarily to stay safe and “keep the abuser calm,” seeing sex as damage control rather than mutual pleasure or intimacy. Marc notes that these patterns are tragically common yet often hidden, and that Controllers and Victims are among the least likely to seek help because of deep shame and an aversion to revisiting their traumatic story.​​“Are my parents just to blame for all this?”Marc is clear: attachment styles are explanations, not excuses. Parents themselves usually carried their own insecure attachment histories, and generational patterns can pass down even without malicious intent. Insecure attachment is not about assigning blame, but about understanding the strategies a child learned to survive—and then taking responsibility, as an adult, to recondition those patterns.​​“So what does a secure connector look like sexually and relationally?”Secure connectors grew up (more often than not) with caregivers who noticed feelings, named them, invited expression, and soothed distress, teaching the child that emotions are manageable and relationships can be safe. These adults can admit mistakes, ask for help, exercise impulse control, set and respect boundaries, and use words—not acting out—to express what’s going on inside. In sex and intimacy, secure connectors can make eye contact, care about their spouse’s experience, accept no, repair conflict, and see sex as the overflow of emotional connection, not just a release or a test of worth.​​​“Can I become secure if I never had that growing up?”Yes. Marc explains earned secure attachment: the process, supported by decades of attachment and neuroscience research, of re‑shaping your relational style in adulthood. The steps include:Recognizing your attachment pattern and how it keeps you stuck.Developing a coherent narrative—making sense of your childhood story instead of avoiding it.Leaning toward the “opposite” growth goals (for Avoiders, learning to feel; for Pleasers, boundaries and voice; for Vacillators, integration and staying; for Controllers/Victims, safety, humility, and help).Practicing new relational behaviors repeatedly, like reps in a gym, until your brain literally rewires.​​“How does all this connect to spiritual growth and sanctification?”Marc and JJ link attachment work to spiritual maturity, arguing that “you can’t be spiritually mature and emotionally insecure at the same time.” God is the ultimate secure connector, parenting his children with attunement, comfort, limits, and steadfast love; learning secure attachment is part of becoming more like Christ in how we relate. They encourage listeners to “pick their pain”—either the pain of staying stuck in old patterns, or the pain of growth that leads to freedom, intimacy, and lasting sexual integrity.​​📚 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 RELATED RESOURCES(Consider linking these in your show notes/store.)𝙐𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝘼𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙎𝙩𝙮𝙡𝙚 – Marc CameronA step‑by‑step guide to identifying your attachment style and “earning” secure attachment in your closest relationships; available through the New Life store and other major booksellers, including an audio version read by Marc.​​ ​​https://store.newlife.com/category/primaryfeature/understanding-your-attachment-style 𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙒𝙚 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 – Milan Kay YerkovichThe foundational “love styles” and attachment resource that shaped New Life’s teaching and undergirds Marc’s work on individual healing.​​ store.newlife.com/purchase/how-we-love-expanded-editionSexual Integrity Resources – New LifeArticles, studies, and tools on breaking sexual strongholds, integrating attachment work, and building healthy intimacy.​ https://newlife.com/blog/category/sexual-integrity/🎟 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑 – 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄Ready to address the attachment roots of your porn use, affairs, or sexual acting out?Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 when you register for the Every Man’s Battle Intensive to save on your tuition. This 3‑day, in‑person workshop helps men confront sexual sin, understand deeper drivers like attachment and trauma, and step into Christ‑centered brotherhood and accountability.​​If finances are a barrier, scholarships and financial assistance may be available—call 800‑NEW‑LIFE to ask about options so cost doesn’t keep you from the help you need.​​📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒Want extra tools and follow‑up content for Season 3?👉 [email protected] “Bonus Content” in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Man’s Battle Podcast resources.​​Have a question or topic suggestion?👉 [email protected] “Podcast Question” in the subject line.​​☎️ Need prayer, a counselor, or more info on workshops and groups?👉 Call 800‑NEW‑LIFE or visit NewLife.com.​​🎧 Discover more ways to listen watch:👉 Every Man’s Battle Podcast hub:https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/​👉 New Life LIVE other podcasts:https://newlife.com/podcasts/​#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #AttachmentStyles #Vacillator #Controller #Victim #SecureConnector #UnderstandingYourAttachmentStyle #ChristianMen #FreedomFromPorn #RecoveryJourney #BiblicalManhood #ChristianCounseling

📻 START YOUR WEEK WITH HOPE ON 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩Licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes welcome back Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Marc Cameron, New Life LIVE co‑host and author of Understanding Your Attachment Style, for a powerful episode on how attachment styles shape sexual behavior and acting out.​In this first of a two‑part conversation, they focus on the Avoider and Pleaser (anxious) attachment styles and how these patterns—formed in your family of origin—often drive pornography use, affairs, sexual shutdown, and “people‑pleasing in the bedroom.”​In this episode, they:Introduce Marc’s new book Understanding Your Attachment Style and how it equips individuals (not just couples) to “earn” a secure attachment in all relationships.​Unpack how Avoiders often use sex or pornography as a non‑relational stress reliever and why their sex life frequently feels disconnected from emotion.​Describe how Pleasers (anxious attachment) can lose their voice, over‑accommodate, and even agree to unwanted sexual acts just to keep the peace.​☎️ 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍:“Where did my attachment style come from?”Marc explains that attachment is programming, not personality, formed in the home you grew up in—especially how your caregivers handled emotions, touch, and distress. Avoiders usually come from low‑affection, low‑emotion homes where feelings were minimized or dismissed; Pleasers grow up managing a parent’s mood (anger, anxiety, depression) by being the “good kid.”​“How does the Avoider attachment style play out sexually?”Avoidant men often see sex as a non‑relational “event” rather than emotional connection, with little eye contact, comfort, or nurturing before or after sex. They are especially vulnerable to pornography, because porn offers intense bodily sensation, no emotional risk, no relational maintenance, and a script of hyper‑available, aggressive partners that distorts expectations for marriage.​“What about avoidant women?”Avoidant women frequently dislike or even despise sex, experiencing it as something unnecessary or aversive rather than a place of connection. Some may offer sex only to “get it over with,” or even quietly tolerate their husband’s pornography use because it means less pressure on them—while still carrying buried resentment and unmet longing for true emotional connection.​“Why did porn and masturbation feel like such a perfect escape?”JJ shares how growing up in an emotionally shut‑down, low‑affection home set him up to use pornography and masturbation as a stress reliever and escape from reality. Instead of risking rejection or learning to name feelings, sex became an internal coping mechanism that seemed to “fix” stress without requiring real relational risk.​“How does the Pleaser (anxious) attachment style act out sexually?”Pleasers are wired to calm other people down; they’ve been managing a parent’s mood their whole life, and now they try to manage a spouse’s anger or anxiety through compliance. Pleaser wives may say yes to sexual acts they don’t want, just to avoid conflict, and pleaser husbands may pursue sex for reassurance (“If you’ll have sex with me, we must be okay”).​“What happens when a Pleaser finally hits a breaking point?”Because Pleasers chronically ignore their own needs and voice, they often hit midlife with deep internal resentment and burnout. At that point, sex may be shut off completely—not because they “hate sex,” but because they no longer enjoy it in that relationship—making them especially vulnerable to emotional or sexual affairs where they finally feel seen, safe, and valued.​“Can an Avoider or Pleaser ever become secure?”The good news: attachment styles are how you are, not who you are. Marc describes how research shows adults can earn secure attachment through intentional work—learning to name feelings, develop empathy (“I know what it feels like for me, so I can enter you”), set boundaries, and practice new relational patterns over time. His book lays out concrete steps for that process from a Christian worldview.​📚 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 RELATED RESOURCES(Consider linking these in your show notes/store.)𝙐𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝘼𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙎𝙩𝙮𝙡𝙚 – Marc CameronA practical guide to identifying your attachment style and learning how to “earn” secure attachment in your closest relationships.​𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙒𝙚 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 – Milan Kay YerkovichThe foundational attachment and “love styles” book (Avoider, Pleaser, Vacillator, Controller, Victim, Secure Connector) that shaped much of New Life’s teaching and inspired Marc’s follow‑up for individuals.​Sexual Integrity Resources – New LifeArticles, devotionals, and tools on breaking sexual strongholds, understanding root issues, and rebuilding intimacy.​🎟 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑 – 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄Ready to address your attachment wounds and sexual integrity struggles in a shame‑free, Christ‑centered environment?Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 when you register for the Every Man’s Battle Intensive to save on your tuition. This 3‑day workshop helps men break free from pornography, affairs, and sexual acting out, while also exploring deeper drivers like attachment, trauma, and family of origin.​If finances are a barrier, scholarships and financial assistance may be available—call 800‑NEW‑LIFE to ask about options.​📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒Want extra tools and follow‑up content for Season 3?👉 Email [email protected] with “Bonus Content” in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Man’s Battle Podcast resources.​Have a question or topic suggestion?👉 Email [email protected] with “Podcast Question” in the subject line.​☎️ Need prayer, a counselor, or more info about workshops and groups?👉 Call 800‑NEW‑LIFE or visit NewLife.com.​🎧 Discover more ways to listen watch:👉 Every Man’s Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/​👉 New Life LIVE other podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/​#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #AttachmentStyles #Avoider #Pleaser #HowWeLove #UnderstandingYourAttachmentStyle #ChristianMen #FreedomFromPorn #RecoveryJourney #BiblicalManhood #BrothersInChrist #ChristianCounseling

START YOUR WEEK WITH HOPE ON 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩Licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes continue their deep dive into the role of empathy in sexual integrity recovery. Building on last week’s episode, they explore how empathy creates safe spaces, how to practice self‑empathy, and how to sit with a betrayed spouse in her pain without becoming defensive or shutting down.​In this honest conversation, they move from theory to practice—showing how men can learn to feel with others instead of just trying to fix them or escape the discomfort.Why Safe Spaces Matter in RecoveryJJ and Doug explain that empathy is not an outcome but a process—a way of relating heart‑to‑heart that makes recovery groups, counseling, and marriages safer for honesty.​They describe how a man’s history with emotions (rage-filled homes, emotionally numb homes, or shame-based church experiences) shapes his reactions to intense feelings today: shutting down, running away, judging, or shaming.Key idea: Empathy allows men to move from “fix it or flee” to staying present—even when emotions are big and messy.Is Empathy Just Enabling Bad Behavior?Doug tackles a common fear: “If I’m empathetic, am I just giving someone a pass?” He clarifies that behavior and empathy are different categories.​Behavior can be sinful and destructive (porn, affairs, acting out).Empathy is about joining someone in their emotional reality, not excusing their choices.Using the “hole and ladder” picture, they contrast:Sympathy: standing at the top of a 20‑foot hole, saying, “Man, that looks rough. Sorry,” and walking away.Empathy: bringing a ladder, climbing down, sitting knee‑to‑knee, and saying, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll feel this with you until we climb out together.”Takeaway: Empathy connects to the heart; firm boundaries still address the behavior. Both are needed for real recovery.Learning Self‑Empathy: Seeing Yourself Through God’s EyesJJ and Doug then unpack why the hardest person to empathize with is often yourself—and why that’s dangerous for recovery. Sexual addiction feeds on self‑hatred, guilt, and shame; without self‑empathy, those conditions stay fertile.​They offer practical ways to develop self‑empathy:Meditate on Scripture, not just read itRomans 8:1 – “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”Rather than treating verses like a checklist, they encourage creating a “top 10” list of compassion‑centered scriptures and marinating in them until they sink into the heart.Write your own “Psalm of Compassion”Compile verses that speak to God’s tenderness and forgiveness.Read it when you feel shame, defeat, or the urge to act out, reminding yourself who you are in Christ.Journal your shame and temptations honestlyCapture the lies you’re tempted to believe (“I’m hopeless,” “I’ll always fail”).Counter them with truth from Scripture and from conversations with safe people.Let others speak truth into your shameIn groups, counseling, or trusted friendships, talk openly about self‑hatred and guilt so others can remind you of God’s compassion and your true identity.​Big picture: As men receive empathy from God and others, they become more capable of treating themselves with kindness rather than contempt—undermining the shame cycle that fuels acting out.Empathy Toward a Betrayed SpouseMost listeners have not only sinned sexually; they’ve also deeply wounded someone they love. JJ and Doug spend significant time on why empathy for a betrayed spouse is central—not optional—to sexual integrity recovery.​Why her pain matters for your recovery:Empathy helps a husband validate his wife’s experience: “I see you, I hear you, I recognize the danger and betrayal my choices created for you.”Instead of viewing her triggers and questions as “attacks,” empathy allows him to see them as expressions of real trauma and grief.How to practice this in real life:Name what she is feeling: “I hear how unseen, unsafe, and unprotected you feel because of my choices.”Stay grounded, not defensive:Keep the “connection brain” on instead of flipping into fight/flight/freeze.Remind yourself: God is my shield and defender; I don’t have to self‑protect right now. I can stay present in her pain.​Use “words, eyes, touch” wisely (a phrase they borrow from colleague Laura McDonald):Words: gentle, validating statements that focus on her experience, not your defense.Eyes: soft eye contact that communicates, “I’m here and I’m listening.”Touch: only when appropriate and welcomed, as a connection—not control—gesture.Drop “at me” from your internal script:Instead of “She’s mad at me,” reframe to “She’s in pain.”This shift keeps you from personalizing her emotions and helps you stay with her rather than retreat.Result: Over time, empathy helps rebuild trust—not by erasing consequences, but by consistently joining her in her pain while living out changed behaviors.Practice, Don’t Just “Know” ItJJ closes by challenging listeners not to treat this as interesting information but as a skill to practice:Look for real-life opportunities (in group, with a spouse, with friends) to try empathy—even if it feels clumsy at first.Expect to “miss it” sometimes, and then:Journal what happened.Ask, “Where did I get defensive, shut down, or try to fix instead of feel with?”Adjust and try again next time.Doug compares it to learning a curve ball: understanding the mechanics is helpful, but growth happens through repeated attempts, grace for missteps, and ongoing feedback.Featured Resources Next Steps1. Every Man’s Battle IntensiveA 3‑day, Christ‑centered workshop to:Bring sexual struggles into the lightLearn practical tools for integrity and emotional connectionPractice empathy with trained counselors and a brotherhood that “gets it”​👉 Learn more register: https://newlife.com/workshops/every-mans-battle/​Use promo code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 if you’re a first‑time attendee to receive a discount on your registration.​2. Ongoing Groups ResourcesEvery Man’s Battle Groups Sustained Victory – Weekly groups that help men keep practicing empathy, honesty, and accountability after the workshop.​Sexual Integrity Resources – Articles, tools, and next steps to keep growing in sexual integrity and emotional maturity.​👉 Explore sexual integrity resources: https://newlife.com/blog/category/sexual-integrity/​Bonus Content Ways to Connect📧 Exclusive EMB Bonus ContentGet exercises, questions, and follow-up material for this empathy series.Email [email protected] “Bonus Content” in the subject line.​❓ Share a Question or CommentEmail [email protected] with your questions, topic ideas, or feedback.☎️ Need Help Now?Call 800-NEW-LIFE for prayer, counseling referrals, or more information about workshops and groups.​🎧 Listen SubscribeEvery Man’s Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/All New Life podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #Empathy #BetrayalTrauma #ChristianMen #RecoveryJourney #MarriageHealing #NoCondemnation #WalkInIntegrity

📻 START YOUR WEEK WITH HOPE ON 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩Licensed Marriage Family Therapist JJ West and Licensed Professional Counselor Doug Barnes continue Season 3 with a crucial conversation on the role of empathy in sexual integrity recovery.​In this episode, they explore why empathy is not “soft” or optional, but central to healing—from how God empathizes with us, to how we learn to extend empathy to ourselves, and finally how we offer it to the spouses and loved ones we’ve hurt.​☎️ 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍:“What is sexual addiction, really?”JJ and Doug define sexual addiction as misusing sexuality outside God’s will and design to try to change how we feel inside, rather than turning to God and healthy connection.​“Why ‘just stop the behavior’ doesn’t work.”They explain how focusing only on behavior (porn, acting out, affairs) ignores the broken emotions, lies, and internal pain driving those behaviors—and why this becomes a major barrier to empathy and long‑term change.​“When church or spouse says, “Just stop it.’”Many men have been shamed by spouses, churches, or leaders who only address outward behavior and miss the broken heart underneath, leaving men condemned instead of cared for.​“How God models divine empathy.”Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.John 8 – The woman caught in adultery, where Jesus says, “Neither do I condemn you… Go and sin no more,” combining deep compassion with a call to change.Hebrews 4:15 – Jesus as our High Priest who can empathize with our weakness because He was tempted in every way, yet without sin.“Experiencing empathy before offering empathy.”They describe a progression:Receive empathy from God.Learn to extend empathy to yourself instead of self‑hatred.Accept empathy from safe others (like brothers in recovery).Offer empathy to those you’ve hurt—especially a betrayed spouse dealing with grief and triggers.“Empathy vs. sympathy—what’s the difference?”Doug explains:Sympathy: “I feel for you. I’m sorry that happened.”Empathy: “I feel with you. I’m entering into what this feels like for you.”They talk about how many men were only taught sympathy (“I’m sorry”) but never learned how to slow down, be curious, and actually feel with another person.“You can’t give what you don’t have.”If a man has never been allowed to feel or understand his own emotions, the emotions of his wife or kids can feel scary, and he’ll tend to shut down, fix, defend, or explain instead of empathizing. JJ uses a driving example with a couple to show how a husband can move from defensiveness (“You shouldn’t be scared”) to true empathy (“I know what that kind of fear feels like, I’ve been there”).“Jesus wept—with them, not just for them.”They reflect on Jesus at Lazarus’ tomb, who already knew what He would do, but still wept with Mary and Martha in their pain—another powerful picture of God’s empathy in action.“If you’ve been condemned, don’t let that block your healing.”JJ speaks directly to men who’ve been shamed by churches, leaders, or family: don’t let their sin against you keep you from pursuing the healing and empathy God offers you now.​“Where can I learn and practice empathy?”They encourage men to lean into Scripture, safe community, and especially the Every Man’s Battle Intensive and follow‑up groups as places where they can receive empathy and practice offering it to others.​This episode ends with a teaser: there’s more to say about empathy, so the conversation continues in next week’s episode.📚 FEATURED RESOURCES NEXT STEPS:➡️ 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙫𝙚 (Men’s Sexual Integrity Workshop)A 3‑day, shame‑free intensive where you’ll:Receive empathy and truth from licensed Christian counselors.Connect with other men who “get it.”Begin changing both your behavior and the heart drivers beneath it.​👉 Learn more register: https://newlife.com/workshops/every-mans-battle/​➡️ 𝙎𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝘽𝙡𝙤𝙜 𝘼𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙨Read more on sexual integrity, empathy, and healing betrayal at New Life’s Sexual Integrity blog category.👉 https://newlife.com/blog/category/sexual-integrity/​(You can pair this episode with books mentioned in Episode 1 that deepen empathy and story work, such as Sharon Hersh’s The Last Addiction, Jay Stringer’s Unwanted, and Jason Martinkus’ Worthy of Her Trust.)📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 – 𝐄𝐌𝐁 𝐏𝐎𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒Receive exclusive Every Man’s Battle Podcast content—extra questions, exercises, and follow‑up tools on empathy and recovery.👉 Email [email protected] with “Bonus Content” in the subject line.​🎟 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐏 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐃𝐄New to the Every Man’s Battle Workshop? Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 when you register to save on your registration fee.​❓ Submit a question or share feedback anytime:👉 Email [email protected] (put “Podcast Question” in the subject line).​☎️ Call 800-NEW-LIFE for prayer, resources, or to find a Christian counselor.👉 Every Man’s Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/​👉 Explore all New Life podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/​#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #ChristianMen #Empathy #HealingFromPorn #RecoveryJourney #BetrayalHealing #BiblicalCompassion #ChristianCounseling #WalkInIntegrity

📻 START YOUR WEEK WITH HOPE ON 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩Licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes kick off Season 3 with a powerful conversation on what really works in sexual integrity recovery—ancient paths, clear boundaries, daily structure, brotherhood, and the “gift of getting caught.”​In this episode, they:Unpack Jeremiah 6:16 and why recovery is a path, not a quick fix.Share real-life tools that still shape their own integrity walk years into recovery.Highlight books and concepts that helped them move from secrecy and shame into freedom and community.​☎️ 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍:“Recovery isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon on an ancient path.” JJ and Doug explain why there is no magic formula—and why asking for the “good way” and walking in it is the only way to find rest for your soul.“What keeps me on the path?” Doug shares five core practices: integrity and secondary boundaries, understanding triggers, living a battle-plan routine, proactive check‑in calls, and letting trusted brothers really know and love him.“Why can’t I fix myself by myself?” JJ talks about the “gift of getting caught,” the renewal of the mind, and how both heart and brain need healing in sexual addiction recovery.“What do my porn patterns say about my story?” They discuss how the specific content a man is drawn to can point to wounds of the heart and legitimate needs he’s been trying to meet in illegitimate ways.“What if my dad—or spiritual leaders—failed me?” JJ shares how “bad kings” can still drive men toward their good Heavenly Father, and how God can re‑father the parts of a man’s heart that were never nurtured.📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒Want extra tools and follow‑up content for Season 3?👉 Email [email protected] with “Bonus Content” in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Man’s Battle Podcast resources.​🎟 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑 – 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐏 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓Never been to the Every Man’s Battle Intensive? Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 to save on your registration and experience a 3‑day, in‑person, shame‑free deep dive into sexual integrity and brotherhood.​📚 FEATURED RESOURCES MENTIONED BOOKS:(Consider linking these in the show notes/store as available.)𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙫𝙚 (3‑Day Workshop) – Tools, teaching, and brotherhood for men ready to break free from pornography, affairs, and sexual acting out.​ https://newlife.com/workshops/every-mans-battle/ 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝘼𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 – Sharon Hersh’s book that unpacks why you can’t fix your broken self with your broken self, and why “getting caught” can be a gift that leads to freedom. https://www.amazon.com/Last-Addiction-Recovery-Lasting-Freedom/dp/0877882037 𝙒𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙘𝙮 – Dr. William Struthers explains the brain chemistry of pornography and how God renews the mind in recovery. https://store.newlife.com/purchase/wired-for-intimacy 𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙃𝙚𝙧 𝙏𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩 – Jason Martinkus on rebuilding trust with radical honesty and practical amends after betrayal. https://store.newlife.com/purchase/worthy-of-her-trust 𝙐𝙣𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 – Jay Stringer shows how your unwanted sexual behavior can actually map the story of your wounds and point you toward healing. https://www.amazon.com/Unwanted-Sexual-Brokenness-Reveals-Heal 𝙎𝙖𝙢𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙋𝙞𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙈𝙤𝙣𝙠𝙨 – Nate Larkin on why David was restored and Samson wasn’t—and how brotherhood makes the difference. https://store.newlife.com/purchase/samson-and-the-pirate-monksing/dp/1631466720𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙒𝙚 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 – Milan Kay Yerkovich reveal how attachment styles shape intimacy and sexual acting out (featured more deeply at the Intimacy in Marriage workshop).​https://store.newlife.com/purchase/how-we-love-expanded-edition 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙒𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙎𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝘼𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 – Mark Laaser’s clinical and pastoral guide to understanding sexual addiction. https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Wounds-Sexual-Addiction-Laaser/dp/0310256577

Season 3 of The Every Man’s Battle podcast launches in January! See what’s in store here. To make sure you are caught up on Season 2 and prepare you for the next season, we’re finishing the year with episodes you need to hear—or hear again.JJ West and Doug Barnes reflect on what they have learned through recovery and wish they could share with younger versions of themselves to spare themselves from mistakes and heartache.Have a topic you would like to hear? Email us at [email protected] and let us know. Use discount code EMBPOD to save $100 when you register for the Every Man's Battle Intensive. Learn more about integrity here.

Season 3 of The Every Man’s Battle podcast launches in January! See what’s in store here. To make sure you are caught up on Season 2 and prepare you for the next season, we’re finishing the year with episodes you need to hear—or hear again.JJ West and Doug Barnes discuss how childhood sexual abuse impacts adult behavior, emphasizing the importance of therapy and the book "The Wounded Heart" by Dan Allender. They highlight three responses to abuse and three survival styles. They explain what healing involves and how faith and therapy can work together. Additionally, they discuss how shame and unresolved trauma can contribute to sexual addiction and provide steps for healing.Have a topic you would like to hear? Email us at [email protected] and let us know. Use discount code EMBPOD to save $100 when you register for the Every Man's Battle Intensive. Learn more about integrity here.

Season 3 of The Every Man’s Battle podcast launches in January! See what’s in store here. To make sure you are caught up on Season 2 and prepare you for the next season, we’re finishing the year with episodes you need to hear—or hear again.JJ West and Doug Barnes continue discussing neurobiology and neurochemistry as it relates to sexual addiction. The explain the neurochemical processes in pornography use; the progression of addiction and tolerance; the impact of pornography on the brain; and how a 90-day reset can help re-train the brain.Have a topic you would like to hear? Email us at [email protected] and let us know. Use discount code EMBPOD to save $100 when you register for the Every Man's Battle Intensive. Learn more about integrity here.

Season 3 of The Every Man’s Battle podcast launches in January! See what’s in store here. To make sure you are caught up on Season 2 and prepare you for the next season, we’re finishing the year with episodes you need to hear—or hear again.JJ West and Doug Barnes discuss the impact neurobiology and neurochemistry have on sexual addiction, emphasizing the need to balance understanding of these processes with personal responsibility for choices and behavior.Have a topic you would like to hear? Email us at [email protected] and let us know. Use discount code EMBPOD to save $100 when you register for the Every Man's Battle Intensive. Learn more about integrity here.