Every single person over 15 years old has an ex. Maybe an ex-girl/boyfriend, ex-wife/husband, ex-2nd wife/husband, etc. Most of the time, exes are bad memories, sometimes they are not.

When there are kids involved, as there usually are, exes can be a sore spot. Thankfully, my kids are grown from my first marriage, and we did not have any in my second. The split with my second wife was "technically" painless, but there is always some pain in a split. Well, maybe not always, according to some women I have dated. I am feeling that I got lucky.

My ex and I are friends now, we chat almost every day. We started as friends, and 12 years later, we came back to where we were at our best... friends. She and I are in similar situations, we are both dating, and we are both hopeful that the other finds happiness. I tell her about all of my dates, and she does the same. We kind of compare notes. She will frequently send me screenshots of some chat she is having, to ask "What did he mean by this?" She is a smart, kind, beautiful woman, and eventually she will find another guy that appreciates that, and she'll be fine.

19-1/2 years was our age difference. I did not set out to be a cliche, it just sort of happened. I remember seeing other older men with younger women before I met her, and thinking "there's Sugar Daddy", what a creep. But when we first got together, I was broke. I literally had to ask her for gas money, and she was living paycheck to paycheck. Fortunately, my broke spell did not last long. It was a rocket ride after that, apartment - to house - to bigger house - to even bigger house, etc. From driving a shitbox old Honda Accord when we met, she was driving a brand new Mercedes coupe when our run ended. From her having never been out of Hillsborough County before, we traveled everywhere. Our time together was very... productive. It was a great run, I don't regret a minute of it, nor do I regret it ending. It had run it's course.

There was a time when marriage was meant to last forever "Till death do us part" and all. It was how I was brought up, and my parents reached that goal; 62 years together before my Dad passed. I don't think it works like that anymore, that is a bygone era. I stayed in my first marriage, for probably the last ten years of it, because of this hard-wired thinking. If I could do it over, we would have skipped that last ten years together, neither of us were happy. Instead, I could have spent that decade with someone else, and been happy, as I ultimately was, a wasted decade later.

"You should find someone your own age." said my Mom, to my newly single self, as you would expect your Mom to say. I looked. It is not so much a physical thing, there are plenty of beautiful women in their 50's. I think it's the mental age difference that I struggle with more. 12 years with someone a generation younger, can alter your thought patterns, probably not permanently, but I am still in that mode. Sorry Mom... not gonna happen, but I am not "targeting" 4o-year-old women either; while my dating app range does go down to there, it goes up to 55. Some of my friends say I am wasting my time, that women that young would never go for me.... but they have, and they do. They don't seem to grasp that... usually... women fall for the person you are.

It does not bother me when a woman talks about her ex on a date... to a point. Our exes, good or bad, are a significant part of our lives and history. Some women seem to struggle with the idea, that my ex and I are still good friends, probably assuming there are "benefits" involved. But that is not the case, nor is that the kind of relationship either of us wants from the other... if it was, we would still be together. No, we are both excited for the future, the next chapter, hoping it will be at least as a good as the last... but new.

There is no better time in a relationship than the beginning. I'm not saying it goes downhill from there. But the discovery and passion, will eventually give way to stability and security. It takes work to keep the passion alive, from both sides. If you are not focused on that as a priority, you will look up one day and think, "too much effort". Once that fire is allowed to go out, it is difficult to re-light. The the idea of a brand new fire, starts looking better.

As I am writing this, how old is the woman I am seeing at this moment? 40.