It’s been over a year since I recorded a podcast episode. This is an update on my relationship with Human Design and my deconditioning journey.

Sometimes, the people in our lives aren’t ready to handle a Manifestor learning to follow their creative urges, or announcing their boundaries.

In this episode, I go into some of the real scenarios I’ve been in that made informing not work and why I feel it didn’t.

I also add reminders and suggestions at the end for how to navigate your relationships when your informing isn’t working.

Post listen reflection questions:

* Where are you trying to inform, keep people in the loop and keep relationships alive when it is clearly not a reciprocal, healthy, respectful relationship for you?

* Can you surrender to the idea that maybe if you repel people when you inform, it was meant to be and they are not ready for your initiations? But that that also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go after it?

* Are you willing to defend and stand up for your peace, creative urges and boundaries? Or are you going to keep sacrificing these needs of yours?

Here’s a TEDMED talk about play from 2014 by Jill Vialet.

What does your silly side look like? How are you incorporating play into your life?

A recent degradation of some fine motor skills has led to the temporary inability to handwrite, type or use a mouse very well. Resorting to using speech-to-text software has brought some insights in my life, particularly around further understanding my energy availability and how it translates into my voice and action.

Are you overprotecting your undefined centres and blocking off the magical experiences that you could be and are designed to be experiencing in this lifetime?

There is a time and place for everything and it's important that you follow your Strategy and Authority to assess how to work with your openness in your design.

I have an image of a castle that seems a little bit challenging to get to as a metaphor of an undefined centre that has many walls built around it to protect it.

Of course as always, I have additional thoughts after I finish recording a podcast episode, apologies for that.

I wanted to add that this does not mean that I advise that you follow every suggestion that you receive regarding your undefined G-Centre or any of your non-defined centres, but that you consider them and always tune in to your Authority ultimately to support you to make the best decision for yourself. And that the challenge lies when you aren't open to even considering the possibilities or the options that lay before you, and blocking yourself off from experiencing what life has to offer to you.

In my naivete as a young girl who desired love and belonging, I was not tuning into my own senses to draw the boundaries and draw the lines around what I was willing to let into my undefined centres and what I was not willing to. This awareness of human design gifts me with the opportunity to work with my openness and my design to allow in the magic of life as I am meant to experience, and to also draw boundaries where I feel necessary.

In my journey of recovering from trauma, I closed myself off, created lots of walls to never be hurt again. But I’m blocking myself off from experiencing life the way I am meant to.

Life isn’t only about living your definition, it’s moreso about experiencing it through your undefined areas.

These are the two themes that have really been making a difference for me lately and I wanted to share them with you in case they’re beneficial for you!

Rest versus creation as a Manifestor - is it really cycles? Or is it flow?

In addition to what I said in my podcast, for me, trying to distinguish when I’m resting versus creating was difficult because sometimes my creating is happening while I’m seemingly resting, laying on the couch.

When I’m resting, I’m often percolating, simmering, ideating, formulating mental connections, deepening my understanding of things, open to inspiration, etc. So, is that creation or is that rest?

The distinction of rest versus creation maybe is not that black and white. Maybe the distinction is the internal creation versus the externalising of the creation. It’s like the pregnancy phase versus the actual birth.

So, this leads me even more into this idea of FLOW, as a Manifestor. That’s what it’s about to use your energy in alignment with its natural rhythms.

This reframe is a GAME CHANGERRRR!!

Regarding my second revelation in my deconditioning journey:

Fears - identify the different voices in you. The spontaneous fears are probably from your intuition, especially if you can’t logically understand it, and the recurring fears are likely worries from your not-self.

Exercise: Draw a table, with two columns and in one column you write out the fears that you KNOW you have in one column (those are your mental fears and not-self fears) and in the other column, you write the times in your life that your Spleen/intuition told you something about danger/unhealthy situations or direction as a result of your intuition sensing a potential danger.

Here’s an example, this was the beginning of my list:

(see Substack)

Good luck on your deconditioning journey! Let me know if these revelations of mine resonated with you!

I don’t believe that you have to be enlightened or healed or deconditioned to be a good healer.

There are so many conversations I’ve had with people over the years who felt that I helped them so much through their crises or challenges, even when I was in my own lowest points or even when my life was nowhere close to appearing healthy.

* My clients benefit from my empathy and understanding because I’ve been there, my 10+ years in my healing from C-PTSD.

* I teach and personally understand that healing or transformation isn’t a quick fix, trust me, sometimes it’s like 2 steps forward and 5 steps back, or at least it feels that way.

* My own healing and liberation is actually through healing others, like the wounded healer archetype - Chiron.

The perfect human doesn’t exist, that doesn’t mean we can’t help each other.

If you are feeling like you are looking for a perfect healer to be your role model, or you get disappointed that there is an imperfection or flaw you discover about your guru/ guide/ coach, maybe you are looking for the easy way out and surrendering your powers to the wrong places. You are giving up your autonomy, and responsibility to lead your own life into healing. No one else can find all of the answers for you. If there is anything to surrender to, it is higher powers, and to your relationship to them.

Here’s the TikTok video I was inspired by:

I am NOT saying that you won’t benefit from people who have life experience, values, habits that you can learn from. People who are older than you or who have less triggers than you, or who seem to have a healthier marriage than you, or who eat healthier than you, etc.

There may be amazing benefits for you if you follow others’ healthy habits - but I do believe that you have to find your own way. Human Design is the science of differentiation after all.

I’m not here to have a one-way monologue to tell you what the textbooks say. I want to have a conversation with you where you tell me stories and I tell you some of mine. I want to use my life experience beyond my studies of Human Design to support you and offer you my gifts, beyond my knowledge.

Sending you much empowerment so you can lead your own life as you see fit!!

EDIT: I realise now that this is very much related to my open G-centre (more on that in this episode), seeking someone who is perfect to emulate, because it'd be easier. But that meant I wasn't building myself up, empowering myself or learning how to live MY life in accordance to my unique design, traits, gifts, orientations, or life purpose.I was surrendering my power. And as a Human Design reader, I'm not interested in keeping you away from your sovereign power, I'm trying to help you build it up.

Here it goes! My first podcast episode, a very vulnable share. We’re getting real, friends. I hope you carry me with gentle hands. I am learning to do so for myself.

I am working to dispel the myth that a teacher and guide cannot reveal their struggles with their clients or potential clients. I hope this makes me relateable to you and you see how I would very much empathise and understand your struggles. I don’t want to hide my own deconditioning journey, it’s a neverending one. I think, if anything, it will indicate whether or not I am the right guide for you.

As Ra once said,

"We are enormous suckers for conditioning. Please get that, how deep it is. I'm in my third seven-year cycle and I want to tell you, the not-self never lets go. How can it?... That's why I enjoy calling it weather forecasting because if you know that it's really going to be cold out, well ok, dress up. And if you know it's going to rain, bring along an umbrella. You can interact with the environment without the environment controlling you. You can continue to do the things that you're here to do in this life without having to take detours and get into dilemmas because this is the general imprint." - Ra Uru Hu, Life Cycle Analysis

When I’m in the depths of my low expression of my G-centre, I feel like I am lost at sea, with no land in sight, without a compass to tell me how to get back on track.

I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where I’m supposed to go. The dire sense that I want to figure it out for myself, only worsens the troubling feeling.

Until I remember, that I am not meant to figure it out for myself. And there is no ‘track’ for me to get back on.

I am meant to receive direction, suggestions, experiences from others, from outside of me. The undefined centre, is supposed to be receptive.

And of course, I am not meant to follow every prompt that comes, rather to filter each prompt through my Splenic authority.

But it takes the burden off of me. What a relief.

I am learning to heal my distrust of people, from my traumatic experiences. Letting people in is a part of healing my wounds. I must learn to trust my Splenic intuition to decipher when it is healthy to do so and when it isn’t.

Sidenote: I am not intending on stopping my Human Design readings, I am simply sharing that in terms of how I identify, I know I am many things beyond being a Human Design reader.

If you don’t know where your G-centre is, it’s the diamond in the bodygraph, around the chest area. If it is coloured in in your chart, then it is defined. If it is white, then it is undefined or open.

So, do you have an undefined or open G-centre? What has your experience been like? What would you like to share with me after listening to my share?

If you’re interested in getting a reading from me, check out my options here.