Imagine a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Picture it. The bread, the peanut butter, the jelly, how and if the sandwich is sliced.

Got it?

My imaginary sandwich is on whole wheat bread, with chunky unsweetened peanut butter and the kind of raspberry jam I used to make in the summers with my grandmother. It is sliced diagonally to form two triangles.

Your sandwich is probably different than mine. It reflects your tastes, experience and possibly what supplies you have available. If we were all sitting together in a room I would have some of you volunteer your vision of the sandwich, so we could see the differences and similarities. Tara’s is crustless. Juan’s is made with almond butter. Gina’s has bacon on it.

Everyone on your team, everyone you work with and for, has a different idea about what leadership, teamwork, conflict, communications should be. If you don’t name the expectations it can cause confusion or conflict.

We often assume that everyone understands what good leadership is, or how effective teams work. The more experience a person has, the more likely we are to assume competence.

For those of you thinking, really Stephanie, this is a pretty basic topic, I’m scrolling away now, I’d suggest you stop. I can’t tell you how many senior leaders I’ve seen who fall into the trap of assuming that everyone is operating from the same work playbook, only to be shocked when others have an entirely different idea. Those of us with lots of privilege tend to do this more, assuming that our culturally prevalent assumptions about how to work are the norm or standard, or the best way. We are often mistaken in this assumption.

The solution for this is easy. Name it. Explain your sandwich.

Be explicit about how to manage, lead, be part of a team and resolve conflict, to name just a few. Create a word picture. Don’t make it just an intellectual list to check off, use emotion. Be evocative.

Listen for more specifics about how to do this!

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