S1E4 kicks off with Patrix and Patrica Saran-wrapping themselves for a sauna like human leftovers, while their Orlando move stalls yet again over the tiny detail of… not paying a deposit. Patrica admits she just agrees with whoever she’s with, which explains the entire relationship dynamic, and Ron somehow decides the solution is to find Patrix a date. Chaos expands.

Jessica leans on crystals while venting to Kayla about Christina, crying about losing her sister while actively pushing her closer to John. The lack of self-awareness is almost impressive.

At the baby appointment, the actual father volunteers to sit out, which is a choice. It’s a boy, and they immediately jump to matching outfits like this is a doll collection, not a child.

Baylee “moves out” a whole ten minutes away, Denver celebrates no more surprise bed invasions, and we’re all forced to hear about “Naked Thursday.” Naming the baby Messer and then realizing it sounds like “mess” is the intellectual peak here, until mom reminds Baylee it’s not her baby.

Anna and Lucy try to schedule a synchronized pregnancy down to the minute, horrifying their doctor in the process. When told the odds are terrible and IVF isn’t for twin experiments, they’re outraged—so naturally, they turn to cup reading, because that’s definitely more reliable than science.