Was my rebellion part of the plan? Was I supposed to suffer rape alone? What about when I sobbed  in agony when I got a divorce at only age 20. When the gun was pressed  against the fragile skin of my head was that planned too?  Was the pain from childhood meant to be carried alone? Where was His love when all I had to feel ok was drugs and alcohol? For one who has suffered it might at first glance seem cruel to think that it was in some ways planned but not to the soul that has faith.