When life gives you tomatoes, just make pasta!

The majority of August I was in bed with a nasty infection and then got a new infection on top of the first one...over-achiever, I know.

In the colossal amount of space where my body was doing nothing and my brain not far behind, I found a calm that I think I've been waiting to arrive for the past 1.5+ years since I moved back to Australia, to Melbourne.

The impatience for what I can only describe as a knowing has meant I have been near dragging myself through the wringer to make this come to reality. Meanwhile, I've found myself in a place in life where I have the opportunity to breathe, to look around and appreciate the moon, and rhubarb jam and the feeling of ink flowing onto paper in front of your eyes.

I'm exploring emerging technology, I'm creating systems and tools along the way, and I'm curious to understand where this shift in perspective is going to take me. Moving from the driver's seat to that of an observer means allowing for life to open up possibilities and opportunities that you didn't know were there. And I'm excited for what's to come.

Existing in the grey uncertainty of life is exactly what you would expect - a hot ass mess.

This video shows all the metrics and the things that are easy to track and socially rewarded in some manner. The focus for next month is how to surface all the other (arguably more important) stuff like time spent with friends and family, reading, journaling, meditating - all the things that make me feel connected to this life in some way.

For now, here's July, 2026

Attempting to build meaning into my life systems and structures to support me over the next 6 months with the challenge of getting into the best physical, mental and spiritual shape of my life so far.

I don't know what I'm doing...actually, yes I do. I'm doing this x

I tend to go between doing everything and doing nothing. I've internalised all of this stuff, picked up from everywhere and nowhere, about what 'should' be when it comes to me and my body.

I'm working on shifting that message towards my body and general existence not being an apology. I'm learning that I can accept my apparent 'need' to push myself without it being to meet shallow, socially endorsed norms.

Chances are that it's going to be messy. The real work of meaning making is underneath and what gets externalised might just become exactly what I'm attempting to shift. But I'm going to try something and give myself permission to be wrong.

I'm giving myself 6 months to set up a framework I can carry into the future. 6 months to bring the mental and spiritual along with the physical. I'm pulling from all that I've learned so far and seeing what this new normal could look like for me.

Music: Lish Grooves

This video and thumbnail posted in their first draft state were the first creations for The Fast and Slow Project. The video was recorded on my phone, with a Dji mic mini I had bought a year or so before. I was so excited to talk about someone who I have formed such a bond with through the gift of her work - Toni Morrison.

Then came a voice I have become overly familiar with. I masterfully found every flaw, every imperfection, every reason that I wasn't good enough. This video seemed set to become it's latest casualty, never seeing the light of day.

I repeat myself, I stumble over some words, some of the phrasing is clumsy. The sound quality isn't great in parts, I hadn't figured out anything related to colour grading, I don't love how my arms look.

Today, as the last episode of this season, I get to flip that narrative the way I have been progressively flipping it over the course of the last years to get to this place.

I am so proud that you keep trying, that you go and pick up the camera and do the thing, even if it takes awhile to allow yourself the space to exist in it. The person that is sitting talking in this video has so much love, care and confidence in himself, a remarkable transformation from what once was. You get to be a mess, to not know, to start, to begin, to learn, to fail. What's important is who you allow yourself to become in the process and what lessons you chose to recognise and pick up. You got this!

So sit down and shut up, because we're going to talk about Toni Morrison.

Does existing ever feel slightly overwhelming to you? This entire project aimed to tap intentionally into what living in the grey space can look like - the uncertain terrain between attempting to control your environment and just letting it all slide.

That meant stepping out of my comfort zone and allowing myself to move through this messy space in a more public way than ever before.

The outcome? This has been a success for all the reasons that aren't the visible social media metrics of likes and follows. Personally, it's been really meaningful and I'm excited for what comes next.

Back in episode 1 when I kicked off this journey I said this would be 20 episodes aimed at a few goals. Get over the fear of existing online, figure out the business thing and along the way stay closer to the people I care about.

None of that turned out the way I expected, and yet, somehow it feels correct.

Starting 6 months of focus with testing my baseline fitness

I've been sitting on my ass and I'm over it. This is me getting ready to close out the messy first chapter of Fast & Slow. The fumbling, the no traction, the beating myself up over everything and then naming what's next: six months to get into the best shape of my life (head and body), actually shipping the things I've been building instead of polishing them forever, and figuring out how to get all the side quests happening.

Three quarters of the way through this project and it's turned into something completely different than I planned.

I started this wanting to emerge with a social media foundation that would act as the jumping off point for one big business idea. This would be the baby I'd build and raise. Now I'm fairly convinced the whole thing is side quests. Build the small thing for someone you actually care about, try to sell it, take the learnings, move on.

I also set up a "board of trustees" at the start to use this project as a way to connect and stay close to the people I love and trust. Then I quietly got into my head and decided I needed to be delivering consistent, clear things to them. Got a reminder today of why that's a mistake. When you've got smart, decent people around you who just want to try their best, it's infectious. And it mirrors back the thing I keep forgetting: to be a bit kinder to myself while I let life ease up and see what comes.

Last stretch, here I come!