012 - Fatherhood

We celebrated father's day recently and I got to thinking about second chances and fatherhood. On September 18, 2014 Piper was born at Prentice Women's hospital in downtown Chicago. Shannon had a C-Section and Piper spend a couple nights in the NIC Unit. I'll never forget our relief when she was able to spend more time with us in our room and eventually overnight.

There's actually a picture that the photographer took of me holding Piper looking down at this helpless perfect baby. I get emotional every time I look at it and think about it. I want to love her and protect her. I want to be the best father I can be for her. I want my wife to be proud of me. I want to be an example to other fathers. I especially want to be an example to fathers my age, Baby Boomers who might be getting a second chance at fatherhood. Even an example for hands-on grandparents who have young children living with them in their homes now. 

I remember thinking at the time we found out Shannon was pregnant with Piper, being a Baby Boomer, was I too old? Will I have the energy to keep up with her? Would we be able to afford to raise her wherever we lived, let alone pay for college? How would raising Piper affect my relationship with my daughters Molly and Riley her half sisters? 

I did the best that I could 26 years ago. I was a different man back then. I love them, but looking back, I know that I wasn't always the best father to them. I wasn't always there for them. I loved them when they were young, and as they were growing up, and I love them deeply today, but I was selfish back then.

I wasn't always physically and emotionally present for them. Would I be able to learn from the past? Would I be the father to Piper that God and Molly and Riley always wanted me to be?

When the doctors told us the Piper would have to spend the night in the NIC Unit I knew it was serious. I prayed that she would come through it okay. I was there for Shannon and I knew I would be there for Piper no matter what!

I always come back to the picture of us together. It's a stark black and white photo and there is an energy to it. The sunlight flowing through the window behind us. Holding this tiny helpless girl, this little baby in my hands.I knew I was going to be the best father I could be for her!

Last Father's Day in church the pastor's sermon was titled how to become a strong family the call of fatherhood and he quoted Philippians chapter three thirteen but one thing I do forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead that's something I've learned through my experience and I try to practice every day I can't do anything about the past how I was as a father I can't dwell on it but I can learn from it I don't have to be perfect but I can't make progress every week come with Piper Thursday and Friday evenings after Shannon goes to work and when I finish my work day I mostly whether all day Saturdays and Sundays every day I try to be present for Piper there's so much to do here in Dallas we are always doing an activity of some kind we go to the parks into our pool we go to the movies go to soccer practice in our games we go to the farmers markets in minor league baseball games we go to museums one of her favorite things to do is go to an indoor trampoline park called urban air this place is huge she really has fun there wall climbing and doing obstacle courses bouncing all over the building diving into the ball pet jousting with other kids on the balance beam she's gotten so much confidence and strength from going there over the last few months she's really fearless and I'm so proud of her on Sundays I take her to Sunday school at our church and I pick her up after I get done going to service we pick up Graham after that at home and take her to church and then Piper and I have a tea party at Starbucks it's our special time together on Sundays we really love it she's a very social girl much like Malian Riley I see a lot of them in her everyone at our school loves her and she loves everyone she's just a loving girl she loves music and has always requesting her favorite songs she's always wanted to be the DJ to she's very aware of her surroundings and asks a lot of questions we really have good conversations and our time together and we have so much fun there was a boy a N. papers class last year she was going to preschool he was very disruptive and physical and he got a lot of attention early on in the car after school pepper would mention things he didn't class yelling throwing toys and books and blocks hitting and jumping on other kids we Auster of these things ever happen to her and she said yes this happened enough that Shannon and I knew it was time to take action we talked to her teachers about it but they seem to be at their wit's end they even had extra help in the class they couldn't control this boy we felt really bad for them I sent a very direct email to the school administrator requesting a meeting my number one goal is to protect my daughter Shannon and I were very up front with them we wanted them to know we love the school but we love Piper more her safety was our number one priority we felt that our classroom was an unsafe environment he wanted to know what they were doing about it if they couldn't resolve the situation would have to remove her from the school they said they had talked extensively with the boy's family they're doing the best they could seeking help and they told us that they had a three strikes rule in place for the boy if you broke the three strikes he would be gone we felt more comfortable that there was a plan for correcting the problem in the paper would ultimately be safe after that things are much better at her school as a father I try to be consistent with Piper I see a lot of myself in her she's very spontaneous and outgoing but sometimes shy I try to help her with boundaries without holding her back too much I wanted to always know she's loved by both her parents and their family is the most important thing to us she helps us become better parents I know I can't do anything about the past and how I was as a father to Molly and Riley they're adults living their lives in Los Angeles and Seattle I couldn't be more proud of them and I love them with all my heart all I can do is communicate with them and tell them I love them I believe that the next best thing I can do is to be the best father I can for Piper and to learn from the past I believe that the love and energy I pour into Piper resonates outward from us I don't know what happens from there god is in charge of the outcome but I do believe that it is good I also believe that this second chance a baby boomer fatherhood is the greatest opportunity of my life and I'm not going to waste it thanks again for joining me on aging is optional radio I hope you found some value in this episode it's really my goal you can find the podcast on iTunes and I'd really appreciate it if you could subscribe and give it a rating I love receiving comments and if you think about it please share it with your friends on social media you can also find it on Google play store and tune in radio on stitcher pocket cast cast box and paper and I'll be adding more channels in the future including YouTube you can also reach 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