Audio Transcript below - a live recording from 2017.

I wanted to focus on this topic today of real compassion for the insecurity within us all because it's one of those things that has played out in my life, that has brought me to a deeper place of compassion not only for myself but equally so for those around me and all those I meet. Of course, whenever we look in ourselves and get about our own difficulty and the perceived challenges of this human life, what we find is that really honest everybody else is doing the same thing; everyone else is playing the same game. Some of us are just better at pretending not to be that’s all.

I'm at this point where no matter what anybody tells me about their life, whatever image they put on it, or however firm their construct is I just smile because I know all these things change and the forms that it takes are just like the seasons. In some way or another we're going to experience it all. Insecurity is definitely one of these things that we all feel because it's almost like the epitome of separation. We can say this sense of insecurity, for the experience of the human being, is an inadequacy. Insecurity says that we see something about ourselves that doesn't measure up, and we feel that if it did measure up then we would somehow be more loveable, more whole, more complete. That we would fit in, that we would get what we want. I invite you to just recognize this in yourself and just be honest. For anyone who tells me, "No, it's not there," I don't believe them because somewhere, somehow it's part of the journey.

Sure, there are times when it comes and goes, but there will always be this play of a perceived separation. But the good news is: that it's only perceived. It's not the truth of your nature, it's just a part of the unfolding and this perceived sense of separation for our humanness is what draws us home; it reminds us to go deeper and ask ourselves, "What's really real?" I can see that there's the insecurity, I can see there's the fear, the inadequacy but what's really real about that? And when we get honest we start to discover something about that inadequacy - that it is actually holding space for a deeper love to emerge.

The best way to speak about this is really from my own experience, how I see the blooming of it, how it opens up doors for a deeper depth of connection, a deeper love for others, a deeper understanding and compassion. There's this space in my heart that is so incredibly thankful for the experience of inadequacy. As I remember growing up the biggest experience was of, "What the fuck?!" -- essentially not really moving from a space of clarity at all, instead moving from a space of insecurity that grew into a conditioned response. I think it's wise to note here that this is in no way wrong or bad; it's our own journey, it's our own path of unfolding. When I look back on it now even though others might not agree I just say, "Thank you." Thank you for all of that stuff that drove me into these places of being so confused and insecure that I was suicidal and trying to take my own life because it has really just allowed a deeper falling away.

I would say that one of the biggest insecurities that has played out as a teacher in my life has been related to body image. I don't know exactly what happened but somewhere around the age of 11-13 years old I started to put on a lot of extra body weight. My weight became a sense of identity for me, but not in a positive sense at all because of course there's the teasing and stuff that comes with it in school. I was always one of the bigger kids. I was the fat funny kid in class. When people made their comments I would try and put on this facade of not caring and not worrying but then going home crying and wondering why. Then of course, there's all of these movements to try and lose weight and everything just seemed to make it worse. By the time I was 25 I was almost 300 pounds.

I remember being in that spac