Sticky Learning Lunches #60: How to Give Feedback Part #3

Need to have ‘That’ conversation but don’t know how, worried how it’ll be received, or just believe that if you ignore it for long enough it’ll go away? This 4-day training will dispel every belief you have about feedback, that you’ve been previously taught or learned by yourself along your leadership journey. Here's How to Give Feedback Part 3.

Learn how to give effective feedback with this sticky lunch

 

You Can Read the Full Transcript Below:

Nathan Simmonds:

Good afternoon. Sticky lunches he says, I forgot to get slideshow. There we are, we're in. Welcome to today, it's Wednesday. Colin's in. Tim's in. You know what? It's an interesting thing that we see with, um, with our webinars and the sticky learning lunches and how they often start really high with the volumes of people in on a Monday and it kind of stays out and then it dips down Wednesday and then comes back up for Thursday. It's a very purely a pattern. I have no idea if this is just us and my content or if this is the world over, especially Covid 19. But Wednesdays is always a quieter day. So what that means in terms of people that are attending, whether they're here now or whether you know, or just about to arrive, is this will be a much more one-to-one. I'm looking backwards and forwards just taking this, you know, um, whether there's questions coming in. Gareth, good to see you. Thanks for being here, coming in.

Nathan Simmonds:

Claire’s with us as well. Thank you for being here. Again, Claire. Absolute pleasure. I was just saying Wednesday's pattern of people attending tends to dip down quite significantly in comparison to other days. Monday and Tuesday's always really busy, like with lots of people. Wednesday dips right off and then Thursday, Friday comes back up. Very strange kind of pattern of how things fall in GoToWebinar when we're delivering this content. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to make this as individual as possible. So you have an absolute open book here. Open opportunity to ask as many questions as you like about giving feedback. Okay? So I'm going to fly through some of the key content that we're going to look at today, but if you have specific questions about feedback that you want to deliver or a scenario, so let's make sure that we're not including names or we're changing the names to protect the innocent as we always need to in an in open environment. And this will be shared on our YouTube channel.

Nathan Simmonds:

Any questions you've got in got for me about specific scenarios, specific cases, structuring, this is the time to do it because there's a handful of us and we're going to make this really detailed and in depth for you. Is everyone good with this? Yes or no? But hope the answer. Will be. Positive. Good, good, good. So I remember and remember on the earlier sessions I said the question, is there a feedback that you need to be giving to someone? Is there a piece of, uh, information that you need to be providing to someone to. Help them bear with me working. Microphones not working. Or I might be quieter than normal. There we go, using new . So is having that person in mind, having that, you know, that piece of feedback that you want to deliver, have that in your head and have that ready to build this structure up.

Nathan Simmonds:

Everyone good? Everyone ready to go? I am finished my tea. Let's get everyone set up for success before we do anything. One is, so mobile phones, hold 'em high. Let's light up that little airplane. Let's make sure we've got, we zero out the distraction, a hundred percent attention on what we're doing here. Making sure that you have a drink. So making sure that you're keeping yourself hydrated and your brain lubricated to make sure this learning sticks. And finally, as always, third key piece of information, fresh page, fresh thinking. Let's make sure that you've got something you can reread that's going to remind you and reignite that thinking as you go back to keep the thinking expanding. What are we covering day three of feedback day ones? Well, let's do a super fast recap. Day one. Day one was all about them taking action.

Nathan Simmonds:

It's all about also, um, what else did we have down there? The difference between it being constructive and destructive, but that's all about the delivery. It's not about the content. There is no such thing as good or bad feedback. It's always a gift. And it's always what you think, what you think of someone is how you treat them. And what you think of a situation is what it becomes. They too. So yesterday, what are we having here? Make it specific. So when we're thinking about that person, that feedback that we need to be giving, let's make sure it's specific about a thing. Okay? It's also timely. It's being dealt with in the right way or it's being parked so that it can support you in delivering that conversation later.

Nathan Simmonds:

And then the third part we started looking at was the said model. Everyone remember what they said? Everyone's squabbling through their notes right now to have a look at what they are. So remember, it's the standard, the situation and it's the distance or gap between them. It's the action. We want to talk about the impact and a desired outcome. Flying recap. Everyone good? Everyone good with this? What we covered everyone, everyone remember what we've looked at day one and day two? cause it's important we understand this and we've got this in place as we start to go into the next stage. So the next stage as we move into this then is, as I've said before, no one likes being told what to do, Okay?

Nathan Simmonds:

No one in their right mind enjoys being told what to do unless it's them telling them to do it. Okay? We as human beings, we, we are very strange creatures for some reason I don't like being told what to do unless it's me telling me to do it. And that's okay. What's the different? If it's good for me, then it should be should be okay for someone else to tell me what I need to do. When it comes to giving feedback, the idea is that we ask more questions. As I started breaking that down yesterday, to help that person come up with their own realizations and be able to take the responsibility for their own behaviours and what they need to do. And then it's them telling them, it's them making that decision. It's them going, I'm going to do this instead and going in a different direction.

Nathan Simmonds:

And when we go back over previous sessions and when we're looking at influencing skills, asking questions to help people understand the world in a, in a better way is actually the key to influencing. You have no right to tell anyone what to do. And you remember me saying this, you have no right to tell anyone what to do. You only have the, you're going to only do two things. Be the example and be the invitation. What they want to do. That's up to them. When we're giving feedback, there is a time and a place to tell people what to do. And that's based on two things, whether it's dangerous, I can hope you can see the red on there. Just about the only time that you tell people what to do when you're giving feedback is if it's dangerous or urgent. Okay?

Nathan Simmonds:

So if you are working in a factory and they've got, you know, wearing machines and um, blades and whatever, and you see someone mucking around with a, with a meat slicer and they haven't got the protective gloves on, or they're mucking around with a knife or doing whatever, or they're putting a screwdriver in a live socket, you know, now is not the time to ask questions. Okay? That would be like getting to the end of an episode of 24 with Jack Bauer, for those of us that remember that and he's sitting there with the bomb and it's ticking down and he is got eight seconds left before the bomb's going to explode and wipe out the whole of New York City. And you come over and go, what, what? Why do you think you would prefer to cut right now in this current situation?

Nathan Simmonds:

And before you've even got to the end of the question, half of the east coast of America's just been wiped out by nuclear bomb. There is a time and a place for the questions. This is not it, okay? This is the time that you have to be super clear with people and super direct. You can still use the said model and we're going to bring that back up on the board here. No, because we already know what the standard is, but if we sit there and discuss what the standard is with that person, they're likely to lose a finger. Right Now. This thing, this sort of behaviour, this action, this situation needs to stop. We need to have a con as soon as you stopped it, that that stopped, this needs to stop right now. This is dangerous. Okay, let's have a conversation about the actions.

Nathan Simmonds:

What's caused this current behaviour? What's caused this current situation? What is it about this, um, these current actions is acceptable. So we're starting to question into this space here. So we're starting to say I need to have a conversation about the current choice of behaviour. So we stop them about the current choice of behaviour and what's the impact of that. So we jump in here, the impact is that if this continues to happen, someone may lose their finger. So, which is why this has had to have stopped. We have two choice. The cost is if this continues to happen, the finger will be lost and potentially someone dies because that can happen in factory environments. We wish it, we know, we hope it doesn't, it can happen. The other option that we have when we provide an alternative in our desired outcome here, the alternative is if this behaviour changes and is, you know, is amended to this or is changed in this way, this will be the benefit of that. As in the work will get done.

Nathan Simmonds:

We'll meet quota, everyone goes home with all their bodily parts and everything continues.