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Prov 18:22 (NLT) The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.

Three Wrong Turns We Take

 We are fighting the wrong enemy.

Mark 3:25 (NLT) If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

 We are driven by the wrong motives.

James 4:1-3 (NLT) What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don't they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don't get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

 We are using the wrong tactics.

James 1:19-20 (NLT) Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

Three Rules for Fighting Fair

1. Stop and listen carefully. “...quick to listen”

Prov 18:2 (NLT) Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.

2. Guard my words vigilantly. “...slow to speak”

Prov 21:23 (NLT) Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.

a. Should what I’m thinking be said?

b. Should what I’m thinking be said right now?

Verbal Ground Rules

 Never call names

 Never yell

 Never get historical

 Never threaten divorce

 Never quote the Bible or your pastor in a fight

3. Manage my anger righteously. “...slow to become angry”

Eph 4:26-27 (NLT) And "don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

Warning Signs

 Criticizing

 Contempt

 Defensiveness

 Stonewalling

Matt 19:26 With man, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible.

Discussion Questions:

1. Of the three wrong turns, which is my tendency?

2. Of the three Rules for Fighting Fair, which is the hardest?

3. What can I do this week to fight more fairly?