“Next!” Said the Goatman and the line of the condemned moved forward with a great rattling of chains. An ape with the head of an owl and the legs of a gazelle handed the Goatman a scroll, who opened it and scanned the contents. A smile grew wide across his animal face as he relished the scrawled text. When he had finished reading he looked down to the foot of his throne, and beheld the cowering form of another chained and naked human soul. “They’re really doing it out there, eh?” Goatman laughed. “President fucking Sanders... Y’know if he wasn’t so goddamn…” He groped for the right words, “y’know..” The Goatman made a short two-tone whistle and briefly put his hands together in the prayer position. “We’d name a fucking holiday after him! Man’s already a legend, seriously! I mean if you would have told me that one of his guys?” The Goatman pointed upwards. “Would have done all of this, for us? It’s like who even gives a shit about Good Friday anymore, It’s fucking Sanders day all-day-everyday! I mean look at us, the freaking lines are out the door and into the goddamn Infer-nity Pool! We’ve got more fresh souls than we know what to do with!” Goatman lowered his voice before continuing, “And just between you and me? My guys have never been more motivated. Morale? All time high, and my creative team oh ‘maddon! You wouldn’t believe the kind of wicked shit they got cookin’ up. Genius! And I heard…” Goatman’s voice fell to a whisper, “ next shipment? Yeah...There might be a couple’ah Sacklers runnin around here.” The Goatman leaned back in his throne and awaited a reaction, his black eyes glittered with both pride and desire. The cowering soul worked its cracked and parched lips silently for a few moments, until it found its voice. “W-what’s going to happen to me?”

The Goatman appeared annoyed at this and said, “Oh well let’s see..” He picked up the scroll. “Says here that you were a landlord in life so uh, nothing good!” And before the soul could react it found itself in a small one room apartment. The place suffered from intense disrepair but this didn’t seem to bother the soul, as it dashed toward the rusty faucet it spotted in the corner. The soul eagerly turned the left knob on the faucet, then the right knob, then both of them together. Each combination yielded no results, leaving the faucet just as dry and inert as it had been from the start. “No-no-no-no!” the soul screamed and pounded on the faucet until it’s fists grew bloody and it found itself curled, weeping on the roach-ridden floor. “Hey! Maybe you should try submitting a work order!” came the Goatman's laughing voice from beyond the paper-thin walls.

Today’s topics include: The Kindness Punks Fighting For Chromatica, Bloomberg & The Sacklers, LOBWAGB and @Kmay from @GroundGameLA!

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