Fill Me Up

What if the only role God assigned you today is the one right in front of you?

Welcome back to Fill Me Up. Episode 19 is our first recording with a brand-new producer and a brand-new setup, and we used it to get real about what keeps us growing instead of dying. We talk about leaning into change, forgiving our parents so we can forgive ourselves, and why staying in the gray area will eventually cost you everything.

If you're struggling, please reach out to someone you trust or a local support line. You don't have to do this alone.

Subscribe for new episodes, and tell us in the comments: what role is being assigned to you today?

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00:00 Podcast Comeback With a New Producer and Setup

00:01:06 Leaning Into Change Brings Freedom

00:01:52 What Role Has God Assigned You Today?

00:03:54 Why Forgiveness Is a Grow-or-Die Principle

00:05:54 Taking Inventory: The Stories We Tell About Parents

00:06:44 Earth School: Filling the God-Shaped Hole

00:08:27 Discernment From the School of Hard Knocks

00:09:23 Too Sensitive or Desensitized? Being Called Callous

00:12:29 Radical Honesty in Recovery: Live in the Truth

00:13:27 The Danger of Staying in the Gray Area

00:14:17 Do You Want Direction or a Friend?

00:14:52 Truth-Telling Without Fear or Revenge

00:16:03 Saying Thank You for Hard Truths

00:17:00 Open-Mindedness: God Gave You a Brain to Use

00:18:56 The Chinese Farmer Story: Good or Bad, Who Knows?

00:19:26 Grateful for the Hardest Moments in Sobriety

00:20:47 Hope for Broken Family Relationships in Recovery

00:21:50 Altruistic Living: Pause Before You React

00:22:36 Watch What You Pick Up After You Put Down the Drink

00:22:51 Final Thought: Decide to Be in a Good Mood

#addictionrecovery #addiction #recoveryjourney

Jessica and Nikki are back and grateful — for the good, the bad, and everything trying to fill you up that isn't the solution. This week: the parable of the God in the dog, why spirituality is the last house on the block, the business behind your prescription pad, and listener questions on antidepressants, benzos, and staying sober through anxiety. The prescription for fear is faith.

Jessica and Nikki go deep on purpose: how to fill yourself up with God, service, and spiritual principles instead of "dicks, dollars and donuts." They unpack the one question that keeps you sober — is it helpful? — plus validation as its own addiction, protecting newcomers in the rooms, staying in the present moment, and turning your past pain into your greatest asset. In the second half they answer listener questions from Melissa (successful but empty, "performing a life"), Matt (losing his career to AI and terrified of who he is without it), and Sarah (out of survival mode and overwhelmed by the search for meaning). A raw, funny, no-filter conversation about recovery, self-worth, and why you're here.

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This week on Fill Me Up, Jessica and Nikki take on their favorite subject: men. Not man-bashing, not man-worship — just the truth as they've lived it, from years in recovery rooms to a past in exotic entertainment.

They get into why so many men feel lost, the economy where one income no longer builds a life, and the manosphere — Andrew Tate, the 6am hustle, "emotions are for losers" — and why a polished clip isn't the same as a righteous, honest life. From love addiction and fantasy addiction to the recovery answer underneath it all: radical honesty. You can't recover from something you refuse to name.

Plus a listener Q&A: a mom whose son is deep in Andrew Tate content, a man two years sober who still can't be honest in the rooms, and a wife of 14 years who's never heard "I love you" first.

⚠️ Explicit. Contains discussion of suicide. If you're struggling, call or text 988 (U.S. & Canada).

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What does it mean when a system designed to help people in crisis starts offering them a permanent exit instead?

In this episode, Jessica and Nikki take on one of Canada's most contested policy debates — Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) — through the lens of recovery, spirituality, and radical honesty. They aren't here to tell you what to think. They're here to have the conversation out loud that most people are only having in their heads.

They dig into how MAID expanded from terminal illness to include non-terminal conditions where "suffering is intolerable" — and what that language means for people in active addiction, mental health crises, or simply in the middle of a very bad year. They share personal stories, answer real audience questions, and wrestle with a central truth from their recovery work: you cannot give informed consent to a permanent decision from inside a temporary crisis.

They also talk about what actually fills the God-shaped hole — not a government program, not substances, not validation — but spiritual training, radical honesty, community, and the willingness to stay long enough to find out what's on the other side of the pain.

In this episode:

• The history of MAID in Canada and how it expanded through Bill C-7
• Why the 12-step community sees addiction as an "intolerable condition" — and what that means in a MAID context
• What happened when Veterans Affairs Canada directed veterans to MAID instead of treatment
• The $149M question: who financially benefits from this program's expansion?
• An audience question from an anonymous detox worker whose facility was approached by government officials asking for MAID referrals
• A parent's question after their 12-year-old came home from school having been told about assisted dying
• The case of a 26-year-old who received MAID in BC — and what his family wants people to know
• Why spirit comes first — then mind, then body

Recovery isn't for people who want it. It's for people who do the work. This episode is part of that work.

Content note: This episode includes frank discussion of Medical Assistance in Dying, suicidal ideation, addiction, and personal trauma. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to Crisis Services Canada: 1-833-456-4566 or text 45645.

What's really happening when we get sober and immediately sprint into a relationship, a shopping habit, an obsession with our kids, or a new financial fixation? Jessica and Nikki get into it — raw, honest, and funny — in this episode of Fill Me Up.

They break down the substitution cycle: the way addiction doesn't disappear when we put down our substance of choice, it just shapeshifts. People. Money. Food. Anger. Victimhood. If you've ever found yourself asking "why does this keep happening to me?" — this episode is going to hit.

Topics this week:

• The mental blind spot that lets us walk into dangerous situations while our dogs won't even cross the street
• What "snorting people" actually looks like — and whether you've been doing it
• Gay time, recovery time, and why two addicts moving in together in a week is a cliché for a reason
• The difference between the establishing phase and the maintenance phase of recovery — and why you genuinely cannot do both at once
• Sexual manipulation aging into emotional manipulation — and how to catch yourself
• Patience as a practice, not a personality trait
• Why "just get a new dog" is the same as "just meet someone new" — and why it completely misses the point
• Surrounding yourself with higher-consciousness people vs. cosigning each other's old behavior
• Managing, mothering, martyrdom, and manipulation — the four M's nobody wants to admit they're doing
• Choosing radical thinking when self-pity moves in
• The Stoics, soul school, and what it actually means to be a good human today

This is the episode for anyone who's ever wondered why getting sober felt like it was supposed to fix everything — and then didn't. The solution isn't a new person. It isn't more money. It's the work in between.

Fill Me Up is hosted by Jessica and Nikki — two women in recovery who don't sugarcoat anything and don't apologize for it.

After three weeks away, Nikki comes home to grief — both family dogs have passed — and finds, even in that, the recovery principle she keeps returning to: nothing happens in this world by mistake. From there, she and Jessica get into the work that's actually changed their lives — that we're making decisions all day long, and the most powerful one is choosing to be kind, patient and of service whether or not anyone else changes first.

They talk about the "fear frequency" around money in 2026, why chasing a number can repel the very thing you want, and how getting honest about your story — not a certificate or a title — is what lets you help someone else. Jessica shares how being blocked from God looked, for her, like being blocked from responsibility and service; Nikki shares how losing her job during Covid brought her to her knees and, eventually, to freedom.

Recorded with their littlest co-host, Dodo.

Content warning: This episode includes candid references to past suicidal thoughts and to mental and physical health experiences. It is one couple's personal recovery experience and is not medical, psychological, or financial advice. If you're struggling, please reach out to a licensed professional or a crisis line (resources below).

Topics: grief & recovery · decision-making as spiritual practice · radical acceptance · service · money & fear · "your past is your greatest asset" · 12-step community language

Can you go back to the same places, people, and patterns — and actually get better? Jessica and Nikki break down one of recovery's most misunderstood ideas: the "immersion therapy" myth. They get real about what a genuine change in belief system looks like, why environment matters more than willpower, and how this applies to everyone — not just people in the rooms.

They also dig into:

• The six Big Book principles for repairing relationships with family members you've hurt
• Why God never actually says no (and what the three real answers are)
• Intergenerational healing and soul contracts
• Patience as a recovery tool — and why it's so hard to hear
• The idea that we've all "been here before" — and what that means for childhood trauma

"Don't love me today — because I'm ascending every single second." — Nikki

Two tomatoes for ten bucks, a $35 sandwich, and a guy at the gym who can't stop saying "you made it" — Nikki and Jessica start with the small talk that makes their skin crawl and end up somewhere much bigger.

This week: the DM that went sideways, the funeral where "hi how are you?" came out on autopilot, the boss who got a one-hour fireside chat about how Nikki actually was, and the Starbucks bathroom story that may or may not have involved a person who didn't exist.

The thesis, courtesy of Nikki: you're not depressed, you're self-obsessed. And the way out isn't pills or another therapist circle-jerking your problems — it's radical acceptance, showing up for other people, and finding one good thing in every person you meet (especially the ones you can't stand).

Also discussed: NPCs, why "lol" from a man is a red flag, mood as a daily decision, and how to actually wake somebody up without being a dick about it.

What if the biggest obstacles in your recovery — or your life — weren't your past, your diagnosis, or your circumstances… but the stories you were handed as truth?

In Episode 15, Jess and Nikki go deep on the lies that keep people stuck, sick, and small. They're not holding back.

In this episode:

• "Your doctor always knows best" — They challenge the blind trust most of us were raised with around medical authority, including how pharmaceutical incentives shape the advice you receive, why more people are firing their doctors, and what it actually means to advocate for yourself and your family's health.
• "Go to school, get a degree, get a job" — Both hosts share their wildly non-linear paths — alternative school, multiple licenses never used, the strip club, real estate — and make the case that your lived experience is the credential that actually matters. Sound familiar, recovery community?
• "Everyone else is living their best life" — The social media comparison trap. Why the highlight reel is a lie, what the Britney Spears moment taught an entire generation about public image vs. private pain, and a simple mindset shift to stop measuring your insides against everyone else's outsides.

They close with a powerful exercise: what if you threw all your problems in a pile with everyone else's — would you really swap?

This one is raw, funny, and deeply honest. As always.