Grandparents sometimes have the opportunity to share life’s experiences with kids because they have a whole lifetime to reflect and clarify what has been most meaningful to them, and children sometimes listen more intently to grandparents than to parents. Nevertheless, it’s important for parents to play that role, too, and take initiative to share what matters most to them, even if it’s not as clear as they’d like it to be.

Share Your Purpose and Vision with Your Grandkids

Do your kids (or Grandkids) know what matters most to you? Could they articulate your purpose and values? In most families, parents and/or grandparents either don’t have clearly defined purposes or they don’t find opportunities to talk about them. The kids then grow up without a clear model (or with a wrong model) to guide them to find their own purpose in life.

Most of us wrestle with our purpose from time to time, but that’s not a problem. Our children learn a lot from hearing how we wrestle with doubts and difficulties, and how changing circumstances cause us to reassess what matters most to us.Talking about the process is just as important as sharing the end result.

Talk About Your Money

In an age-appropriate way, talk to your kids about the family finances. Give them perspective and understanding, but without putting the burden on them to right your wrongs and pay for debts you’ve incurred. You may not want talk about specific amounts of money, but from the time kids are in middle school, they can begin to grasp the seven elements of a financial plan. For instance, they’ll need to know about car insurance as they anticipate learning to drive, and they’d like to know your plans for funding their college education. Depending on their age, interests, and personality, they’ll grasp a little or a lot from your conversations, but it opens the door for more conversations later. One dad suggested that he and his family talk about one of the elements each night at dinner for a week. He planned to spend only a few minutes on each one, but in a few cases, the kids asked a lot of questions so the conversation lasted long after dinner.

Give Your Grandkids a Vision for Financial Freedom

If your family is buried in debt, share your new vision with your kids and explain why you are making changes—some of which will be painful. Ask them to support you as you dig out and pay off the bills. If your family is barely above water, talk to the kids about making some changes in spending so you can funnel more of your resources into what matters most: security for the future and causes you believe in. If your family has lots of money but lacks peace and purpose, talk about the things you’re learning about the importance of having a clear mission for your life. And if your family is full of purpose and contentment, your kids undoubtedly know it. Celebrate together the privilege of connecting your resources to things that are really important.

Tension and Struggle Grow Muscle

Many families experience conflicts about money. Tension is inevitable, but we can funnel that tension into wonderful, healthy, productive conversations about vision, goals, and choices about finances. Healthy families don’t shy away from taking about important things, and money is very important. Struggling families can use these conversations as steppingstones to build trust and understanding. In the end, your role as a parent or grandparent can make a profound difference in the life of the little people who look to you as a role model.