Sometime ago I had a conversation with a friend in which they told me that they chose to walk away from a pretty incredible opportunity. One that had the potential to provide a bright financial future with what sounded like plenty of opportunities for career advancement. A dream job. They just walked away.

Welcome to episode 13 of Two Drunks With a Mic. The podcast where we share our past so that others might have a future. You can find and subscribe to our show on all major podcast outlets. Your subscription, sharing, and feedback is greatly appreciated. Reviewing the show on your prefered outlet is also a much appreciated way to support our cause.

Those that have been listening to the show for a while know that one theme that consistently comes up, as it relates to our experience, is the importance of surrender in the life of the recovering addict. Surrender to new ideas. Surrender to God. Surrender to the lack of comfort that comes when one is honest in their bid for successful recovery. Surrendering to the idea of extending forgiveness and being forgiven. Surrendering an old way of thinking and adopting a new.

After hearing all of our talk about surrender, it may seem a little strange that we put up an episode discussing the importance of selfishness in the life of the recovering addict . But the thing is, for as necessary as it is for the addict to surrender, recovery is also a selfish endeavor.

Over the course of my nearly nine years in recovery, I have been faced with various choices. Most of them have been easy enough to navigate and I can generally muddle my way through. But there have been more than a few that have required a more thoughtful approach. The types of which the outcome of a decision would have a significant impact on my life. Most of these have been ones that have involved relationships with people or groups of people. And truth be told, these are the ones that will get me against the ropes quicker than anything else.

When it comes to dealing with people, I have historically struggled with enforcing boundaries. I think a lot of my troubles stemmed from the fact that I really had no idea where my boundaries were. But regardless of this uncertainty, I was definitely a path-of-least-resistance type of guy. As long as my interactions with people didn’t interfere with my ultimate goal, namely being left alone to live my life as I pleased, I would generally let things slide. But only to a point. Past that point, and in my volatile way of thinking that point really could have been anywhere from moment to moment, I would retaliate with a measure of wrath that far exceeded any offense.

But more often than not, and only in an attempt to keep the peace in my life, I went to a lot of trouble to appease people. Not because I cared in the least for them, but rather it was in my way of thinking that the quicker I could get them off my back, the quicker I could get back to living my life.

More often than not when it came to simple favors, or God forbid an actual commitment request, they were shot down. Politely of course. I couldn’t stand the idea of confrontation because of the inconvenience it was to me. But if a quick brush off wasn’t an option, meaning if shutting someone down put me in danger of a more drawn out interaction, I would lie and agree to do whatever was asked of me and then either back out last minute or fail to show up without so much as a phone call.

I truly hated the very idea of doing anything for anyone. If it, or they, didn't fit into my life plan, or in someway posses the capacity to advance it, I’d allow it no place in my life.

It doesn’t take a superior intellect to figure out that this course of action was not ...