One of the worst feelings in life is to come up short after having put forth our best effort… It truly sucks. Some days I am left with only my silence—there is nothing left, it seems… Somehow, I still hold on to hope for a better, brighter tomorrow. I know it will come—eventually. I just gotta keep going…

Please consider joining me at Patreon.com/WinterWarrior to access my newest publication, “KFG: Keep. Forward. Going.” My most recent edition, “The Art of the Turn,” is all about how I have drawn parallels between making turns on a snowboard and how I can approach my journey through childloss and grief.

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Thank you for tuning in to my podcast, and very real journey through grief. As always, I pray this content is helpful to at least some. If you would like to support my continued work, please consider joining me on Patreon.com/WinterWarrior for as little as $1 a month. I would appreciate it so very much, and you would be helping me pay for the costs involved with maintaining my website and also future publication endeavors that I have in the works. You can also read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… at

https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru Many blessings my friend. Always, Michelle.

Life is fragile. Take nothing for granted… There is no “fix” for getting over the intense pain of childloss and grief—it just hurts. We move forward simultaneously with our broken hearts as we assimilate this pain into our path forward. It comes with us.

Please consider supporting my work on Patreon.com/WinterWarrior

Your support of $1/month will help me to improve my new publication.

As my snowboarding season comes to a sad end, I have taken careful consideration with regards to how I will approach this “transition period” leading into spring, then summer. I have found many parallels between life’s challenges and those I encounter while snowboarding. After spending countless hours this season analyzing extensively the process of completing one turn and initiating a successive one, I think I have simultaneously discovered a new, personal approach to navigating “the turns” in my own life… It is a process that is still unfolding for me, but so far it has been very helpful—the hardest part is trusting in the nature of it all!!! Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc…

https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru

I often feel a longing to just be able to “go home,” but I know God’s plan is much beyond my own vision—and far greater, too!!! When we endeavor to seek a higher purpose and reason to continue forward, our courage, strength, and even confidence multiplies. I can’t do it for me, but I find purpose in doing it for them!!!! Keep going. 🙏🏼

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What to do when our “eggs” don’t hatch? These are things we can consider well in advance of any crisis. It does not prevent pain, but it can, at the very least, provide a clear direction forward…

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For many mornings now, I have been watching this live nest cam (https://www.friendsofbigbearvalley.org/eagles/) religiously when I wake up every morning. These beautiful eagles have three eggs that are due to hatch very soon. Though there are numerous reasons that cause me to find comfort and joy in watching these majestic birds, today I will only speak on their patience and long-suffering that is endured on behalf of their greatest treasure—their babies.

Over the past several weeks, I have witnessed them, day in and day out, snow, rain, or shine, as they carefully cover and protect their precious clutch to keep it warm, and also safe from predators. Many nights, they have even endured being completely blanketed in snow!!! I am in awe at their patience and persistence under such harsh and unforgiving conditions!!!!

I find so much comfort in my grief journey as I watch them patiently breath in and breath out—yes, I literally find myself watching them breath… It is normally dark when I first tune-in, and since mornings tend to be the hardest time of day in grief for me, I find their breaths to be quite soothing as I fall in sink with my own.

Grief starts the moment the wind gets knocked out of you… From there, you work your way forward (or not)—one painful breath at a time. Eventually, we become less aware of each breath and painstaking footstep forward. Sometimes, however, our breathing becomes so shallow, it is a wonder we are even still living…

I pray this day, that you will remember to breath deep, and with intention. Sometimes the best way forward is simply to embrace it all. Perhaps watching these birds can give you an added measure of comfort, too… 🙏🏼🦅👀

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Sometimes you just gotta “play the pause…” Do you ever feel like you are a chess piece in a game of monopoly or poker, and you don’t really know how to participate, because you have been designed for a different kind of game? Grief and loss have forced me to be a spectator in many ways, but they have also taught me the importance and beauty of “playing the pause.” What does playing the pause mean to you? Please share in the comments below. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

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This week marked the 2nd anniversary of my beautiful Boi’s death, and the 7th of my sweet daughter, Josie. As I was recording this video, it kept stopping on me—hence why certain places seem to just cut off. However, towards the end of my drive, the hymn, “Be Still My Soul,” was playing on the radio. I don’t usually listen to the radio on my drive—this was kind of a random thing that I decided to turn it on. I was trying to gain composure before work!!! Small signs like these appear in my life daily. I believe we must be still enough to notice them, though… In my pain, I continue to feel, and even see, the very strong presence of my “departed” children, and this gives me great comfort and confidence to keep going… 🤍

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“Do hard things,” they say…. “It’ll make you stronger,” they say. As I continue to press forward through each new day of my grief journey, I find this mindset of doing hard things to be very beneficial. When we step beyond what is comfortable and familiar, we grow. What is hard now, becomes easier tomorrow…

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