Finding Moments

Not all dopamine hits the same.

Some things give us a quick hit and keep us looking for the next one. But the moments that stick? They usually take a little more time.

In Episode 33, we’re talking about what we call slow dopamine activities — simple things that help us connect with our kids while giving them opportunities to build patience, creativity, confidence, and resilience in a digital world built around the next five seconds.

Building.
Reading.
Playing.
Creating.
Connecting.

Parents don’t need a perfect plan or another complicated activity to organize. Cook something together. Go outside. Play a board game. Build LEGO's. Stack some blocks. Read a few pages. Just pick something and be there for it.

Sometimes the smallest, simplest activities create the moments our kids remember most.

Need a screen-free reset? Keep it simple. Pick something. Make it a habit. See what happens.

That’s what our cup-of-coffee conversation for Episode #33 is all about.

Find the moments.

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This one is a little "calorie dense”.  Today we review Michaeleen Doucleff's, PHD Dopamine Kids.  So many thoughts!  Chad, Trisha and LenEll dive deep into the major concepts outlined in this book.  We also appreciate the solutions presented.  This is not an all or nothing approach.  Rather, it’s a great baseline for identifying the trap we fall into with both technology and ultra processed foods.  Is the problem too much pleasure?  Or ... is it that we are in an intentional trap to keep us hooked on the fun things without having to think or do the work to get there?  There are some amazing tricks and tips throughout this book including how to remove triggers that put all of us into doom loops.  We each read this book and we each had a different take away.  Give us a listen, a follow and please tell your friends!  Let's go!

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Oh, where to start?  Setting boundaries is a skill that most adults are still trying to figure out.  For our kids it is a critical life skill that requires prompts, patience and a ton of empathy.  Our podcast touches on when to teach our kids to walk away from a bad situation and that boundaries are more than ok for the benefit of the long term friendship.  Friendship boundary red flags like aggressive teasing, unkind words, and non-stop bossiness can elevate to level ten so quick.  Simple goto phrases can be a foundational goto for our kids such as "I'm all done", "I'm going to play something else", and "That's not cool".  Setting boundaries = RESPECT.

FM Reading List: 

• Our Personal Bubble by Stephanie Chan
• I Can Say NO by Jenny Simmons
• The Not-So-Friendly Friend by Christina Furnival

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Actually recorded in 2025 but life happens and we went on vacation (which was so amazing!)  Welcome to 2026!  To pickup where we left off with our episode on polite truths, we focus on the importance of critical thinking.  In a world where what is real is being redefined, how can parents help teach our kids how to be certain what they see is truly fact?  LenEll is so good and really highlights the importance of evidence based thinking.  Our whole belief system is based our degree of certainty.  What happens when we believe we are right?  If we read it on the internet it must be true! Teaching by categories of low, more and high certainty is the difference of sometimes vs often vs always.  Try telling a 5 year old we "might" be able to ... we dare you.  Validating feelings, teaching discernment in information and always allowing room for conversation is so important.  Perhaps the most important skill we can impart on our kids is how to critically think for themselves.

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Our cup of coffee discussion focuses on polite truths and how to teach our kids the difference between a lie that can hurt someones feelings or a lie that can spare someones feelings.  We discuss in depth white (harmless) lies vs matter of fact truths and polite truths.  Teaching our kids how to filter their thoughts is next level parenting.  "Think about how someone will feel if you say this" and practicing different solutions will help our kids navigate their day as well as their digital life with the goal of maintaining their friendships.

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Part 3 of 3 of our making friends series dives into the importance of perspective in relationships.  Understanding others, social problem solving, awareness and empathy, recognizing social expectations, and understanding intent are key topics discussed to close out our series.  For our kids (and yes, for adults) it is important to learn to see a topic through another lens.  What do you see?  What do our friends see?  What do you think?  What do you think our friends think?  What did you hear?  What did our friends here?  There is so much here and we only begin to introduce this concept in our cup of coffee session.  The idea that maybe one of our friends is convinced the sky is red.  Maybe that is simply all the information they have to think that.  Does that change if they have your perspective?  Does your belief change if you have theirs?  Is a candle shaped like an apple a candle, or is it an apple?  Depends on what information you have to decide?  Sometimes our beliefs are emotion based.  It rarely works when we tell someone how to feel.  How do we rationalize our beliefs?  We discuss think vs know vs believe and introduce the concept of tactical deception.  Book recommendations include Good News Bad News by Jeff Mack and Freddie the Fly by Kimberly Delude.  Board Game recommendation Apples to Apples Jr.  

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Part 2 of 3 of our making friends series, LenEll, Trisha and Chad talk about the line of humor vs sarcasm.  Humor is anything that makes people laugh.  It can be light-hearted or dark, slapstick or witty.  Humor includes jokes, puns, funny stories!  Sarcasm is more biting and intended to mock or convey contempt.  It’s often used to criticize or insult.  An important part of making friends is knowing the difference.  Where is the line?  When does an emerging skill such as appropriate humor cross over into bullying?  When our kids are online, how do they know the difference and how can parents help our kids navigate true relationships from those that are potentially harmful?  How can parents help with an emerging sense of humor and how do our kids mirror their parents’ personality?   When does a joke go too far and when it does how can we help our kids learn to pull it back?  When is kidding truly kidding or when is it not kidding?

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Part 1 of a 3 part series is focused on making friends and the importance playdates.  Helping our kids build friendships base on common interests and a good friend fit is only the beginning.  Helping them understand the importance of perspective taking, empathy, flexible thinking and expandable interests will help them find those long-lasting friendships that will be there for them when they need them!  Pro-tips are included in our discussion for conversational skills, as well as setting up home court advantage in early play dates that will build confidence and connection.  Early development of these skills will set your child up for success in more complex social situations in their later years.  

Recommended books:

• Bubble Gum Brain by Julia Cook
• Elvin and Brayden Friends Forever by Sandra Morrison
• Be a Friend by Salina Yoon
• Teach Your Dragon to Make Friends by Steve Herman
• Better Together by Dr. Melissa Munro Boyd

Other Resources:

• Together Tokens
• What Makes Your Child Tick - Play Preference Quiz

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Episode 25 is an honest conversation surrounding The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt.  We highly recommend this book for parents of teens and tweens even though it completely scared the bleep out of us! Also check out the author's companion video Smartphones vs Kids.  Jonathan Haidt does an amazing job breaking down why we are where we are.  The 90's gave us personal computers and the internet.  2010 gave us the first iPhone.  In 2012, Facebook acquired Instagram.  The front facing camera then led to the selfie craze.  These pivotal moments opened the door to losing real face to face moments with screens as well as adding a level of stress, unrealistic expectations and ultimately depression for a significant percentage of our youth population.  Then the pandemic shattered our sense of reality and has now created a generation of IPAD / YouTube kids (skibidi toilet?).  Social media providers know how to keep our kids locked in to the screen using algorithms and gamification.  How can parents deal with this when we are also locked in?  Time to look up and recognize the importance of social interaction in the real world, not our screens.  Not to say they are a bad tool ... they are a great tool with endless possibilities.  Teaching our kids how to turn them off is ballgame.  For us, it really comes down to REAL social experiences.

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Ages & Stages!  Using American Academy of Pediatrics take on Ages and Stages as a guide, we discuss the importance of early intervention, milestones, and the challenges faced with significant gaps coming out of the pandemic and living in an age of social media.  Playdates, board games, cooking, and general non-virtual moments all matter.  Reading to our kids at an early age is so important.  The CDC's milestone tracker is a game changer.  

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Track your child’s milestones with CDC’s, FREE Milestone Tracker mobile app, available for iOS and Android in English and Spanish. Interactive developmental milestone checklists help you know what to look for in your child. Use the app to complete a checklist for your child’s age, share a summary with your child’s healthcare provider, and get tips for encouraging your child’s development. The app has many easy-to-use features, including

• Milestone checklists for 2 months through 5 years of age;
• Summary of your child’s milestones to share;
• Activities to support your child’s development;
• Tips for what to do if you become concerned; and
• Reminders for appointments and developmental screening.

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