Hey friends, today's episode is the final episode of season one. We have been together for a year now and it has been so lovely! Thank you all so much for listening and being a part of the Finding What's True podcast community.

Of course not without a sense of humor the universe decided to school me on patience this morning, with some audio and technical difficulties, making this last conversation feel a bit like a limp across the finish line but I am offering it to you here with love, gratitude, and a grin for the always imperfect nature of making things. Especially things made early in the morning and while in this specific parenting season of life. Deep sigh.

Ahem, but I digress. Most of you know how I feel about Sister Corita Kent (total groupie) and today I bring us back around to one of her rules "everything is an experiment." Truly the only control we have is ourselves. If we can embrace this small hard truth than we can actually rest easy that there will be no wrong roads taken...each path simply gifts us information, to be observed, jotted down and folded into the next experiment. The trouble starts, when we stop taking new roads at all, when we put our heads down and plod along on a path already dug out by other folks. At first this seems easier than daring to step off into the wild meadows of this world, I mean you all know how I feel about snakes, but unless we do we will be left disheartened, angry, and empty. Because scaling a mountain, that wasn't even our mountain can do that - it can piss us off. It has to be our mountain, the one we truly want to climb or it's just not worth it...not even a little bit.

And with that, let's not be strangers. Let’s keep finding our truly together.

The podcast is wrapping up season one but the newsletter will still be reporting weekly. To stay in touch as we roadtrip in our Winnebago Brave this summer subscribe to the Finding What's True newsletter. I'll be sharing stories and photos from the wilds of the road with our two kids, small white dog, and fancy cat. And if you feel like being a paid subscriber that would be wonderful too. It would be like buying me a taco for the road. Because I’m sure gunna miss California tacos. And now I’m crying a little.

Lots of love always.

I think we can all agree that we would love to be doing something that lights us up. We would feel lucky if we found ourselves no longer walking through our day, as if the whole thing could be glossed over and forgotten. The proverbial groundhog day. Misery on repeat. Boredom.

If, say, we could walk into our kitchen for that first morning cup of coffee or tea and already feel awake, excited, and filled with endless ideas...maybe even (gasp!) anticipation for what we get to do that day. This is what happened to Lani Fox, owner of Rosemallow Artisanal, and my guest on todays episode.

During the pandemic, when food shortages meant that even the little things were hard to find, Lani created a marshmallow so magical, beautiful and surprising that it literally blew her friends and family away. Using homemade extracts, fruits and herbs from her garden Lani created something unique and beautiful but the best part was she really really loved making them.

What I love the most about Lani's story is that she is also a scientist and she hasn't stopped being a scientist just because she also now runs a Marshmallow business. More often than not we have a romantic idea, that we have to quit one version of ourselves in order to pursue a newer version. But if both versions are serving you than holding onto both of them, and more if you like (insert she's also a mother of two) can actually help you to find balance and joy in ways that perhaps you had lost sight of.

What Lani has quit, however, is giving her time to the things that don't bring her joy. And when you stop doing that, you end up being who you actually want to be...somebody true and somebody awake and somebody making room for delicious things in their life…which can also sometimes mean you become a person who doesn't fold their laundry…because that is also who you want to be. And that is A-Okay.

I hope you enjoy today's episode to taste some of Lani's incredible creations check out https://www.rosemallowartisanal.com/order

They are truly amazing.

On today's episode I have the distinct pleasure of having a cup of tea with Jaime Summer Handley of Monastic Mommas. We are in somewhat parallel journey's; as both of us are packing up and heading across the country (in the next month!), with our families but don't (as of this moment) have a new final address. Leaping into the unknown is tricky but especially tricky when you are in your mid-40's and towing small curious children around. There are a lot of questions from the backseat.

We chat in depth around the internal shifts towards hope, love, and possibility that an external move can conjure. The understanding that the good stuff in our lives never come to us as we planned, so we can ease up on that pros and cons list a little bit. Giving yourself to permission to listen to that inner voice whispering to you isn't always easy. We have to give ourselves permission to hear it and sometimes even give ourselves permission to not understand it. The learning happens on the journey. Walking the path brings understanding not the other way around.

Jaime studies the intersection of creativity and spirituality, exploring how the divine expresses itself through the unique creative voice we've each been given. She has a B.A. from UCLA in English Literature and a Masters in Spiritual Disciplines and Practical Theology from Fuller Theological Seminary. She is an author, contemplative and creative coach and homeschooling momma. She leads groups through the artists way and writes a weekly Newsletter which you can sign up for on her website.

Good Things:

https://monasticmamas.com/

The Clothespin Doll by Jaime Summer Handley

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0578825260/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1639963228&ref_=tmm_pap_swatch_0&sr=8-3

Hey friends, I just returned from a weekend away with my sister. Things got real crazy (middle aged women crazy); I drank coffee (tea drinker) and ate focaccia (gluten sensitive). I've been bumping into chairs and struggling to form sentences the past few days. Suffice to say some lessons are hard to learn, even the ones that seem small and ridiculous. I am a tea drinker and I can't eat wheat without becoming reduced to a clumsier, crankier and more confused version of myself. That said I had to pour myself a cup of coffee to get this episode out - the withdrawal is real. Grace for all the versions of ourselves.

Mostly I was driving around and strolling with my sister in a state of curiosity and blubbering wide open heartedness (seriously tearing up all day long everywhere). Curiosity is something that has come up now in two books I've recently read; Joy-Full AF by Dr. Erin Baker where they talk about curiosity as one of the primary ingredients of joy and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert where she talks about curiosity as simply the best operating system we have as humans.

I noticed it, this curiosity, over the weekend. I actually heard it's soft voice (my curiosity is so polite / it doesn't shout), where I usually just ignore it, and let it guide me a bit; I ended up in an Episcopal church (and I'm not Episcopal) listening to a roundtable of old ladies speak on how their faith has been tested and restored, I made an offer on a farm in Ohio (we didn't get it but it was still an amazing experience), and I fell in love all day long (again crying a lot) with the mommas and speakers that I encountered at the conference we were attending even when those folks were coming from wildly different family ecosystems than mine.

It left me emotional and in a place of deep love. I think this often quiet curiosity can be a key to finding grace in the chaos of our everyday. I'm going to now enter my house where my children may be crying, the dog may have peed on something, I don't know what we're making for dinner and the laundry has piled up. Curious indeed. Love and luck to us all.

Good things mentioned in today's Episode:

We are wrapping up season one of Finding What's True in May. I will still be sharing our journey over Substack, where I will be writing and telling stories from the road over the summer, so be sure to subscribe.

https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/

Four Corners Studio:

⁠https://www.fourcorners.studio/⁠

St. Stephen's Episcopal Church:

https://ststephensslo.org/

Dr. Erin Baker:

https://erinmbaker.com/

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert:

https://a.co/d/cCjB8bi

I've been thinking about logic and desire all week. I had a coaching session with Dr. Erin Baker several days ago and it got me all up in my head about it, which is ironic because we both agreed my logical brain is taking up wayyy too much space in there. And here's the truth, I'm pretty uncomfortable with answering any questions connected to what I desire. Down to stupid stuff like "what movie would you like to watch?"...insert shoulder shrug.

Let's just say I've come a long way in my codependence (thank you twelve step) but I still have galaxies to go. And since this is the case, my brave but neglected intuition is up a creek most days; because the truth is, the desire I don’t like talking about comes from that deep inner knowing which is always trying to lead us to our highest and best.

I was reading a wonderful newsletter by Mallory Leone of Four Corners Studio and she was suggesting / playing around with an exercise, she had gotten from Pilar Lesko, where you take a portion of your day and just try to listen to your intuition and see where it goes...if it says go to left while driving go left, if it says call your mom call your mom etc. I thought it sounded interesting and very concrete (which my logical brain LOVES) so I gave it a try yesterday. I made it about half way through my first intuition hit before my logical brain jumped in with a bull horn, basically shouting “ok, ok people nothing to see here” and shut down all the magic.

If we’re trying to make something true to ourselves it’s tricky to navigate all those opposing voices. Tricky to get down to that inner place that knows what it’s talking about. In The Creative Act: A Way of Being, Rick Rubin says “Think to yourself: I’m just here to create.” How simple right?! I wonder how our intuition is tied to that creative part of us, that part of us that is coming from a place of honest desire (there’s that word again). And if we listen to it how we might just find our way home or at least into a better version of our day than we had so carefully planned.

So on today's episode I'll share a little about how I did not in fact get to start my Monday out with a warm bath but ended it by creating a beautiful dinner of cereal and strawberries for my kiddos.

Lots of love.

Links to good things:

finding what's true, substack

https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/

four corners studio, mallory leone

https://www.fourcorners.studio/

joy-full af; dr. erin baker

https://erinmbaker.com/

the creative act; a way of being by rick rubin

Ok, so I shared yesterday in my newsletter, that I'm in full perimenopause and it is rough people. The crank abounds over here. I woke up this morning with my head in my hands and just thought "nope, just nope." And we all have those days, you don't have to be hormonal to relate to the feeling of wanting to go hide under your covers for the rest of the day.

On today's episode I share a few readings that have helped get me into a place of curiosity and perspective. Being who we are, right where we are, and allowing the story in our head to shift into wonder instead of assumption can be the best path forward. One cranky step at a time my friends.

Also, we will be wrapping up this first season of Finding What's True on May 8th! It's been so wonderful to be here with you. I'm taking a note out of Amelia Hruby's playlist and leaning into a more seasonal nature of creating. The plan is to return to the pod in the fall. And so if you would like to stay in touch and hear about all of our adventuring across America this summer head on over to the Newsletter in Substack. You can be a free subscriber and we can stay connected on this awesome and sometimes grouchy journey of Finding What's True.

Sending you lots of love.

Links to things you may love:

Finding What's True newsletter. Let's stay connected all year as we travel from LA to Minnesota in our Winnebago Brave!

https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/

Joyful AF by Dr. Erin Baker

https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Full-AF-Essential-Business-Strategy/dp/B0BCS9JT73

The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin

https://www.shopthelastbookstore.com/book/9780593652886

Maxing out our Humanity speech by Oprah

https://www.livinghealthywealthywise.com/max-out-your-humanity/

Off the Grid podcast episode, by Amelia Hruby, on making your work more seasonal

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3OHDZDseuzEH7Qe868ofDb?si=-NEQYuj7R6KCaVf68GNDJw

We made some big decisions this week, and then shocker!! We actually acted on them quickly. We have a plan for this summer, a bit of a "no plan" plan but I wouldn't have it any other way. We will be heading out on May 30th and leaving LA on a big ole roadtrip. Destination? Minnesota in the summertime! Mission? To find our new hometown!

On today's episode I talk about how joy can be enough to move you forward, if you actually have the gumption to acknowledge it. I was sitting trying to figure out why this plan feels so good vs. some of the other alternatives that we had discussed and I realized it was only because it felt so joyful. I forget about joy. I kind of make of fun of it sometimes or belittle it or mistake it for something else.

I've learned this year that of course there is no "wrong way" but lately I've felt that the path paved with the joy that is unique to you (this is important because your joy isn't mine) is the path that leads to your highest and best. Joy has a self-sustaining energy - it's weird. It's spacious. It allows so much of the unexpected to arrive and it makes the ego really uncomfortable so that's always a plus!

Annnnd, it's arrival can be enough to set us on a course towards something surprising and wonderful. Even if that surprise is just that we set down the laundry and went for a hike instead. It still counts my friends.

Notes from today's conversation:

Martha Escuedero | Fuego Storytelling

https://www.instagram.com/reclaiminghomes/

Orly Altaras | Women's Circle in Burbank

https://www.instagram.com/laraandlou/

Courtney Rice | Sunday Morning Hair

https://www.sundaymorninghair.com/

Slow Down Sister Monthly Zoom | April Gathering - on joy

Become a paid subscriber for $5 and join the conversation. We'd love to have you.

https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/

On today's episode I share some thoughts on the struggle with feeling the push and pull towards and away from the programmed version of myself; the one that thinks it needs to be moving forward on schedule, smoothly (i.e. perfectly) and consistently producing all the life things at all times. Which of course is in direct opposition to the actual human being version of myself which often goes off schedule, is rough and rocky and feels inconsistent most days in it's energy, inspiration or even expectations.

Undeniably this can bring up a lot of shame. You may find yourself having a full court press ego interrogation, laying in bed close to tears, just attempting to give yourself permission to come to a full resting stop. But no matter what, we have to remember that ease only ever comes from slowing down, dropping into honesty, finding gentleness and practicing kindness for the truth of what is -- not what should be. And the truth is we can expect to be human, and that is beautiful thing, no matter what state of "production" we're in.

Good Things:

Head over to my Substack https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/ to see more very slow, radically imperfect attempts at making things while also mothering small humans. 

As some of you know we are leaving California in June of this year. Hmmm, that's not so far away. And right now that's "the plan" ...as in that is all the plan consists of. It used to have more bones but now honestly we don't actually know where we are going or even what kind of house we are going to buy. We THINK we do and then...all of a sudden we get emailed a farmhouse in Michigan and suddenly we don't know ANYTHING anymore. Do I want a small house walking distance to a coffee shop in the Twin Cities or that old farmhouse sitting on five acres with an alpaca yelling at me for breakfast? I don't know! They both sound nice!! 

Seriously, our plans are mush. They get built up, we get excited and declare "ok, that's it we're locked in!" and then everything dissolves into the dreamy black hole that is the incessant zillow search combined with my over active imagination. Because here's the thing, my brain is trying to think it all through and as the name of this podcast would suggest, I don't always know what's true for myself. I think I do but then I get all churned up in a fear soup and don't know which way is up or down or any which way around. 

And that's the problem with thinking vs knowing; yesterday my daughter was looking very lost in thought and said "Mom...I know why they say you have to get back on the horse...it's because when you're thinking about something you're always going to be afraid but when you're doing the thing you know." From the mouths of babes my friends.

So if anyone knows of an alpaca farm that I can try out for a little while...let me know. Lots of love.

Good Things:

Head over to my Substack https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/ to see more very slow, radically imperfect attempts at making things while also mothering small humans. 

What would happen if we treated our attention as something sacred?! Amelia Hruby, creator of the Off the Grid podcast and Softer Sounds podcast studio says "You attention is sacred...I invite you to treat yourself and your time as sacred too." This stuck with me; persistently but gently, all week long it's been on repeat in my brain.  In every moment I've heard myself wondering "hmmm, is this what I WANT to pay attention to?" Or more often, "Am I EVEN paying attention right now?" I time travel a lot in my brain - usually into the future. But as Amelia says "Treat yourself and your time as sacred too" and if we can do this it means that there will automatically be a reverence and where there is reverence there is love.

Listen in today and let's talk about how it feels to pay attention; to notice, as Rick Rubin says, what draws us in and what pushes us away. Where do we meet ourselves and our moments with love? And how can that bring us more deeply into the personal and specific, could only belong to us, beauty of our lives?

Homework Offering (Inspired directly from Rick Rubin's new book): Instead of watching the news this week; read a chapter in a great piece of literature everyday. Report back on how tuning into and paying attention to something beautiful makes you feel.

Good Things:

Check out Amelia Hruby's Podcast Off the Grid: she talks about how to build a thriving business off of social media, it's a beautiful listen and she is a good human. 

https://www.softersounds.studio/off-the-grid

Pop-Up Book Club: Head over to Substack by March 10th to come join in all the fun. We're reading Rick Rubin's new book "The Creative Act: A Way of Being." 

https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com