Recorded and Published: 5/01/2019
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[0:55] Rules to Love by:
1: Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young

[1:21] https://www.daycollars.com

[1:52] Dr. Gary Chapman gives, what most expert and layperson alike, consider an excellent representation of the different ways you and I offer and receive acts of love in his appropriately titled book "The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate". Let go through these and see how these also apply to the world of BDSM.As we do, make sure to keep in mind that you probably are a mix of these to some degree. Most people have a primary love language and a few secondary ones but there are those that have an equal part of two or even all five of them. Also, consider that for a lot of people the way they show love and affection is also the way they wish to receive it. So, if you are a person that shows love by giving a lot of gifts, chances are you also feel it by receiving lots of little gifts.

[2:47] Words of Affirmation: This love language is marked by the desire to hear words of encouragement, approval, and appreciation.While vanilla compliments completely apply here saying “good girl” or “good boy/boi” is also important but some of the things that people often don’t think about are those less vanilla things. Basically, I’m talking about humiliation and degradation here. We are involved in this lifestyle because we accept and embrace all of our needs and for some a big part of this is being told how bad we are. You know that I work hard to keep this pretty despite the topic so I won’t go into obvious examples. However, with this, it is detrimental that people that have this as a primary love language and the need for degradations or humiliation to have all of these met in order to feel loved. Just don’t forget the importance of aftercare...which could be said about all of these.

[3:50] Quality Time: This love language is marked by the desire to actively spend time with our significant other, having meaningful conversations or sharing recreational activities. At first glance, this is possibly the easiest one of the five to provide but examining it further and we can’t just brush over the word “quality”. There have been several times where Mayfair and I have set up dates and times to get together for a scene...I mean, it doesn’t get any more quality than that...but then things went wrong. Illness, worked overtime, the mood wasn’t right, family emergencies, ... hundreds of reason why thing haven’t always worked out. Is this considered quality time Well, some of it, yes. The planning time we spent together (not on the phone and especially not when texting), But most of it no. Now, I don’t say that for the times that we were actually able to get together and things like mood got in the way. I’m referring to when we were completely unable to meet up. Just because a scene was “unsuccessful” doesn’t mean that is was a failure or that the time we spent together wasn’t quality. Just like judging the quality of a scene by the pretties is leaves is a HUGE mistake, so is judging a scene that ends earlier than a planned.

[5:25] Receiving Gifts: This love language is marked by the desire to receive gifts, regardless of whether they are expensive commercial gifts or heartfelt, handmade gifts. Like the others this one is pretty self-explanatory but with us kinky folk this one might also include the gift of a pretty, a bite, an additional play partner for the evening, or any number of wildly creative things...