It’s possible the reason is that you don’t know how to apologize. A real apology is basically repenting to someone for how you offended or hurt them. There are five key factors that every genuine apology must include.
Must be sincere - if you don’t mean it, don’t say it
An insincere apology is nothing more than emotional manipulation
Must be unconditional/unqualified
You need to take 100% responsibility for what you did wrong. Do not make any excuses or offer any justifications. You apologizing for the thing you did wrong doesn’t make what they did wrong ok, it simply puts you in a place of freedom from condemnation and shame. This has nothing to do with the person forgiving you. Apologizing is humbling yourself before God and the person you offended, acknowledging what you did wrong, how you should have done it differently, and asking for forgiveness. This will free you period. We know that God promises to forgive us as soon as we repent (1 John 1:9), so even if the person chooses to hold onto offense instead of forgiving, we have done our part by apologizing and changing our behavior to be more Christlike.
Must be backed by changed behavior
An apology that is not backed by the offensive behavior changing is nothing more than emotional manipulation
Must STAY sorry
Sometimes the offended party needs time to process before they arrive at forgiveness, or for whatever reason needs to hear the apology again at a later time. If you are genuine in your apology, you need to stay humble and sorry for what you did wrong and apologize again without frustration or complaining. If you don’t STAY sorry, that is an indication that you are not actually sorry but are only apologizing in order to manipulate or control the situation
Caveat: while there are some people who need time to work through their hurt to arrive at forgiveness, there are others who may attempt to emotionally manipulate you by bringing up past offenses again and again. You can humbly apologize WITHOUT stepping into shame or allowing yourself to be manipulated, and if you see a person is attempting to manipulate you in this way, you can and should lovingly set boundaries in that relationship.
End:
I challenge you to take some time to reflect and compare how you currently apologize with these five points. Journal what you see, and what you learned. Then, put what you learned into practice by properly apologizing to someone you have offended or sinned against, and commit to apologizing properly from here on out whenever you are in a position of needing to.If you prefer to WATCH rather than listen, click here to watch on Youtube!
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