Leaders love to say their door is always open. That sounds generous. It also keeps you comfortable.

Power doesn’t disappear because you’re approachable. It shows up in who has to walk toward you. It shows up in who speaks first in meetings. It shows up in how long someone pauses before telling you your idea is off.

The real measure isn’t access. It’s speed. How quickly can someone tell you you’re wrong? If people need to rehearse, coordinate, or nominate the “right” messenger, that tells you something about the environment you’ve built. When truth slows down, innovation slows down with it.

We get into the reflex that blocks it. The sigh. The tightened face. The subtle defense that flashes across your body before you say a word. And what it takes to build a culture where correction happens in real time, not in the hallway after.

There’s a moment that happens in feedback conversations all the time. Someone asks a question or tries to explain their perspective, and the response is, “You’re being defensive.” The label lands, and the door closes. What could have been dialogue turns into shutdown.

This conversation slows that moment down. I walk through the difference between actual defensiveness and healthy self-defense. Interrupting, justifying, listening just to reload your rebuttal. Those behaviors protect your ego. Clarifying questions, asking for examples, reflecting back what you heard, and taking a breath before responding. Those behaviors protect the integrity of the conversation. When we name behaviors instead of throwing labels, we keep accountability in the room without shaming someone out of it.

If you lead people, parent, coach, or simply care about getting better at hard conversations, this one asks you to look at your own patterns too. Do you rush to explain your intent? Do you avoid defending your perspective altogether? You don’t get to build trust if people feel silenced for speaking, and you don’t get to grow if every response is treated like rebellion. There’s a difference. Let’s get better at seeing it.

Do you do this, too? 

Something feels off, and before you say a word, your brain writes a full script about what the other person meant, why they did it, and how it’s probably not great. I call this the “shower lawyer” habit, where you're arguing a case in your head that no one else even knows exists. This episode is about interrupting that pattern, because those private narratives feel protective but quietly wreck clarity, repair, and trust.

This season is grounded in one hard truth: leadership starts with self. That means noticing when you’re spinning stories, regulating your own reactions, and choosing questions over rehearsed arguments. We talk about a simple rule—don’t knit the sweater—so you can catch yourself turning guesses into certainty. From there, I share a few practical ways to separate fact from assumption, name what you’re feeling without defending it, and open a real conversation instead of extending the mental movie.

Conflict doesn’t need to be pleasant to be useful. One honest exchange can save months of distance, but only if you’re willing to drop the storyline and show up. If you’ve been rehearsing that argument in your head, consider this your nudge to pause, get curious, and talk to the actual human in front of you. 

Conflict doesn’t break relationships. What breaks them is unmanaged emotion. The moments where we shut down, get sharp, avoid the conversation, or expect other people to absorb what we haven’t dealt with ourselves. This episode is about that gap — between what we feel and how it lands — and why leadership always starts there.

I talk about growing up without language for feelings, how avoidance becomes a habit, and what happens when that habit follows us into teams, partnerships, and high-stakes conversations. We get clear on intent versus impact, why “that’s just how I am” isn’t neutral, and how easy it is to leave other people doing the emotional cleanup if we’re not paying attention.

You’ll also hear the practical side: how to notice early body cues, name specific triggers, and use simple pause and grounding practices when things heat up. Not to be calm for the sake of calm, but to stay present enough to choose your next move. Because when you can regulate yourself, conflict stops being a threat and starts becoming information — and that’s where trust, repair, and real leadership live.

Some words hit harder than they should. A comment like “calm down” can flip a switch in your body before your brain has a chance to weigh in. In this episode, I’m talking about what happens when you get triggered and what that reaction is actually telling you. We look at the patterns that show up under stress, like going quiet, getting sharp, or speeding up, and trace where those responses were learned. Often, they go back to early feedback or family dynamics that taught you which parts of you were “too much” or not welcome.

I walk through how to notice the body cue, pause long enough to get your footing, and choose a response that protects your values instead of letting impulse run the meeting. We use real language and real examples, including how dismissive phrases escalate tension and how to set boundaries that keep the work moving without steamrolling people. The point isn’t to never react. It’s to shorten the distance between reaction and recovery so you can lead with steadiness and use conflict as information, not a derailment.

Most leadership problems show up in moments of tension. Not the dramatic blowups, but the everyday heat in meetings, feedback conversations, or decisions that carry weight. This episode is about what you do with yourself in those moments. The habits you built early around conflict still show up now, whether you learned to get loud, go quiet, or stay busy to avoid the feeling. You can’t lead past patterns you don’t notice, and you don’t need a new framework to start noticing.

I walk through self-awareness as a practical leadership skill. Catching the small tells like pen clicking, screen checking, tightening your jaw. Naming what’s happening internally without handing it to everyone else in the room. Using simple resets to slow the moment down so you can choose clarity over reflex. When leaders do this, teams feel it. Conversations get cleaner. Accountability lands with less friction. Trust grows because people know how you show up when things get uncomfortable.

If you’re ready to lead past old patterns, this is a path to steadier decisions and healthier cultures under pressure. Follow the show, share it with a manager who needs it, and leave a rating so more leaders can build a better relationship with conflict. And as you listen, notice this: what’s the first signal that tells you you’re uncomfortable, and what reset will you try next?

Leadership gets clearer when you stop avoiding the hard parts and start asking where your habits came from. In this episode, we dig into conflict roots. Those early lessons taught you whether to speak up, shut down, smooth things over, or push harder. Those patterns do not disappear with age or job titles. They show up in feedback, decision-making, and how much trust your team feels under pressure.

I share how growing up with mixed family models taught me to avoid conflict, and how that avoidance eventually cost me clarity and credibility as a leader. From there, we slow things down and get practical. How do you act when you are sure you are right? When you worry you might be wrong? When you feel silenced? What did conflict look like when you were young, and how is that history shaping how you lead today?

This episode offers short stories, sharp reflection questions, and simple practices you can use right away. We talk about naming tension earlier, setting clearer norms, and following conflict through repair instead of retreat. The focus of this season is leadership that starts with self and shows up through consistent, thoughtful practice.

If this resonated, follow the show, rate it, and share it with someone who is ready to change their relationship with conflict. I also do keynotes, workshops, and facilitation. My goal is to help one million people build a better relationship with conflict, and it starts with you.

Fresh starts are overrated. What actually changes us are the layers we’re willing to look at honestly.

This season, Five with Fry is narrowing its focus to one thing: conflict. Not the dramatic kind—the everyday moments where things get tense, words get awkward, and most of us either push through or shut down. After experimenting with different formats, the answer was clear: depth matters more than variety. Five minutes is enough if we use them well.

I’m working with a simple image to guide this shift: the palimpsest. Nothing starts from zero. Every argument you’ve had, every apology you rushed, every conversation you avoided leaves a trace. Those traces aren’t mistakes—they’re data. If you’re willing to read them, they tell you exactly where your patterns live and what needs to change.

Each season will run 11–12 short episodes, all built around practical conflict skills you can use immediately: how to start a hard conversation without cushioning it to death, how to separate impact from intent, how to set a boundary that actually holds, and how to repair when things go sideways. We’ll also talk about power and identity, because conflict never happens in a vacuum—and pretending it does makes things worse.

Some episodes will include guests answering one question: What’s a conflict that changed you for the better? Not to perform vulnerability, but to name the choices that mattered.

Take what you hear. Sit with it. Try it.
 Growth lives on the other side of the conversation.
 Don’t waste the conflict.

We’re not doing “new year, new me.”

We’re doing new year, same person—just less exhausted and more honest.

2025 was a lot. And pretending it wasn’t doesn’t set you up for a breakthrough—it sets you up to quit by February. So in this episode, I’m talking about how to claim 2026 as a breakthrough year without tearing your life down to the studs.

This is a remodel, not a demolition.

We get specific about the small things that actually change how your days feel: booking the therapy appointment instead of thinking about it, looking at your receipts so money stress doesn’t live in the background, doing the dishes before bed so tomorrow isn’t already behind, and putting clean sheets on before you travel so you come home to something that feels like care.

We talk about why all-or-nothing resolutions fail, how micro-clarity keeps you steady when motivation drops, and what it looks like to start the year with guardrails—safer choices, smarter spending, and a bedtime that respects the version of you who has to wake up tomorrow.

This isn’t about becoming someone else.
 It’s about practicing self-respect in small, repeatable ways that add up.

If you’re done with performative resets and ready for something that actually holds, this one’s for you.

And when you’re done listening, tell me: what’s the one small habit you’re committing to for your 2026 breakthrough?

Some holidays don’t feel festive. They feel quiet in a way that echoes.

If this is your first holiday alone, your kids are somewhere else, you’ve moved, divorced, or lost someone, the pressure to “make it special” can feel like way too much. Especially when your energy is already thin.

In this episode, I talk about that loneliness without dressing it up—and about what actually helps. Including a cookie-decorating plan that went off the rails fast and reminded me (again) that chasing the picture of a perfect holiday usually costs more than it gives back.

We talk about choosing ease over performance. Making small, specific plans instead of vague ones that fall apart. Naming loneliness so it doesn’t run the whole week. And creating simple rituals that fit this version of your life—not the one you’re supposed to be in.

That might look like one shared meal, a short call, a walk with a neighbor, lighting a candle for someone you miss, or letting go of traditions that require more energy than you have.

This isn’t about fixing the holiday. It’s about getting through it with a little more steadiness, honesty, and care.

If this episode feels like something you needed, pass it along. And if you have a low-effort tradition that actually brings you comfort, I’d love to hear it.