“And now, the highlight of human civilization — the thing that makes everything better — it’s called the Simultaneous Sip. And all you need is a cup or mug or a glass, a tankard, a stein, a canteen, a jug, a flask, a vessel of any kind.

Fill it with your favorite liquid — I like coffee. And join me now, for the unparalleled pleasure, the dopamine hit of the day, the thing that makes everything better — the Simultaneous Sip. Go!”