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Forgiven People - Forgiving People Part 2

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12 v.18)

The first talk in this series clarified what forgiveness actually is: that is causes debt (what will I do with a wrong that has happened?) and damage (what has the wrong done to me?)

Forgiveness deals with the debt. It is the costly, Christ-shaped decision not to repay harm for harm—to refuse revenge, to lay down the right to weaponise the wrong, and to entrust justice to God.

In this talk we go a little further and face the honest tension that we often feel: I've forgiven… but things still don't feel okay. There may still be awkwardness, caution, pain, or distance. This can make us wonder whether the forgiveness we have offered was real at all and this is because beyond debt and damage, sin creates distrust and distance.

Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. Forgiveness says, "I will not hold this against you." Trust says, "I am beginning to believe you are becoming safe again."

Trust takes time. It grows through consistent, visible change—not just words. That means someone can be truly forgiven and yet still need boundaries, time, and space for trust to be rebuilt. This is not a failure of grace, but an honest recognition of reality.

Damage takes time to heal. Forgiveness can happen in a moment, but healing is a process. It is not pretending nothing happened or forgetting the past but reaching a place where the wound no longer controls us. Even Jesus rose with scars—no longer signs of defeat, but of redeeming love.

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.

Forgiveness is one-sided – someone has been injured and takes the decision to forgive. Reconciliation requires both the person who has been injured and the one who inflicted the harm. It involves honesty, repentance, and the slow rebuilding of something new—not simply returning to what was before. Scripture is realistic: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18). Sometimes, it is not possible. Sometimes, it is not wise.

Real change is not just recognition or apology, but repentance that bears fruit—a visible turning, lived out over time, and, where possible, restitution which is a willingness to take responsibility and seek to make things right, without demanding a particular outcome.

Putting it all together, we arrived at a fuller picture:

• Forgiveness deals with the debt
• Repentance and trust address the distrust
• Healing and restitution address the damage
• Reconciliation addresses the distance

These things are connected—but not identical.

So, if you've ever thought:

"I forgave, so why am I still hurting?"
"Why am I still cautious?"
"Why are things not back to normal?"

The answer is simple: forgiveness is not the whole process—it is the beginning of it.

You can see past sermons on the Leominster Baptist Church website at  Leominster Baptist Church - YouTube and can contact us directly with your feedback or queries through the Contact Us link at the top of the episode description text.

Leominster Baptist Church can be found on Etnam Street in Leominster, Herefordshire. To find out more about us, visit our website leobc.co.uk. If you would like to speak to someone about anything that you have heard on our podcasts please give us a call and ask for a chat.