Arsenal drop points and the group chat turns into a full tribunal. Dalu is doing “hopeless positivity” PR like he’s on the club payroll, Daniel is screaming “Odegaard is WEAK (with an A!)” and putting Arteta on a probation contract, and AK keeps reminding everyone that Pep is jogging behind them like a horror movie villain. Then the boys detour to Chelsea chaos, Spurs catching generational lashings, Dyche getting dashed out, and United’s form being blamed on one TikTok “hair guy.” Pure vibes, pure stress, pure 5 Aside.

Timestamps:

00:01 – Cold open: “You be vexed” + immediate chaos

00:18 – Intro: 5 Aside x SoccerTakesWithAK (ops allegedly present)

01:31 – Arsenal therapy session begins (Brentford draw = pain)

03:03 – “Flattest first half this season” vs “Brentford outplayed us”

04:13 – Reality check: 2 wins in 6 games + title doubts

06:02 – Sam drops stats bomb: Arsenal not top in attacking metrics

07:12 – “We’ve seen this film before” (choke PTSD)

12:24 – “If you want to win the league, FIND A WAY”

13:19 – Eze vs Odegaard debate turns into an investigation

19:19 – “Why no plan B? Why not two strikers?” (Arteta tactics rant)

23:04 – Daniel’s nuclear take: “Even if we win… Arteta still might not be him”

25:30 – Chelsea segment: chaos, chances, Palmer praise, Santos love

32:36 – Chelsea’s brutal run-in preview (real test incoming)

34:10 – Arsenal nerves: “City are improving… Arsenal are getting worse”

44:28 – Spurs segment: “curse of Tottenham” + ambition accusations

53:00 – Injury crisis talk + “every department counts” (canteen staff 😭)

56:22 – Dyche sacked + managerial merry-go-round cooking

01:02:00 – Man United segment: Carrick era talk + social media pressure

01:08:15 – City 3-0 + “I fell asleep 3 times” second-half review

01:10:08 – Closing: Daniel’s Odegaard/Arteta mic drop + Pep is chasing speech

01:13:28 – Dalu’s final vow: “We are winning this season” + badge revocation threats