I’m very particular with my sleeping arrangements. And I’m always jealous of those who can sleep standing up, or near a pond, or next to fireworks. Today we will discuss with sleeping experts how I can get some better sleep. Oh, warning: none of this stuff works.

What if we banned the concept of numbers? Like, there were no math classes? No accounting for money? And have professionals read the numbers for us? Check out the second chapter of my book, Educashun.

If a dentist doesn’t have to work on teeth, what do they do in their free time? Some spray their fish tanks. Others find homeless people in the Los Angeles River. But why are dentists looking for work? We’ll find out on this episode of fpr stories.

This is an excerpt from my book Educashun. It’s the first chapter. If you like it, please let me know. I’m figuring out if I want to do an audiobook or not. This will help me help you help yourself. Never mind. Enjoy the first chapter of my book.

You look through the passage of time, and in the history books, you see ancient civilizations throwing virgins off the roof. Why don’t we do that anymore? Or who else could we sacrifice in today’s modern world? Let’s find out on fpr stories. Also, you can catch up on Fake News, Sports, Weather and the Traffic. It’ll always be the same, dingus.

It’s cold out there. You need your mittens and gloves and — what’s this cashmere boa constrictor? Do we even need these items in our closet? And what about using them as leashes for boyfriends? We’ll find out on this first debate on fpr stories.

White people, like myself, love ranch dressing. That creamy white goo that we put on everything? Yeah, it means everything to us. But what if we banned it from our lives — would we be more open to different cultures and how they prepare food? Could we end racism if we throw away one food item? Let’s find out together on fpr stories.

Every other state stays inside for the winter months. But not those people with the letter “C” on their state flag. Why is that? Is it because they wear flannel? Or are they secretly dogs? We’ll find out on this episode of fpr stories

More and more millennials are moving to Denver. That’s fine. But why are so many wearing flannel shirts? Is it because of their checkered pasts? Or is it because the state government dictates all men to wear one? We’ll find out on fpr stories

Have you ever wondered why peas are the grossest vegetable in the world? And why don’t farmers put them in soups and rice, like they do in Eastern cultures? We’ll find out why on fpr stories.