Are you ready (boots)? To get this party started?  This week we focus on “how we hurt ourselves” vs. our normal discourse about “who hurt us”. As two debatably active, distinguished gentlemen, we have both had our fair share of injuries, and discuss what had happened, and how we hope it doesn’t happen again, even though we are both old and refuse to stretch right. Also, Kyle continues to refuses to let Ethan make it through a full episode without talking about the 87 concurrent seasons of Drag Race that are happening, and we beg RiRi and Chazy P to release their new music already!!! Sure, maintaining the Fenty Empire and creating tons of TocTiks are great ways to contribute to society, but we also need new music!

This week we take a page from Dr. Seuss and discuss all of the places you can go, or rather all the places we could go. We can picture it now, the sunsets, the speedos, the lovely cabana boy who knows to fill up our drink on the :15 and the :45 :-). And for dessert, we probably talk about Ross again or something like that, cause we may or may not be obsessed...

There is nothing more basic than a water cooler conversation about the weather. However, this week we're going to basic for a main dish because MAWMA IT'S BRICK OUTSIDE. Though winter was late, she came with a roundhouse kick to our nuts. Is there any joy in being cold? Kyle seems to think so as the resident skier of the duo. And yes, Black people DO ski!

We also chat about the joy of being drunk in Times Square as a rich white man, how Kyle really should press his hair just once for the gram, and Ross Harris' butt (of Finding Magic Mike fame). We cannot stop talking about Ross' butt. Have Y'ALL seen his butt?

It's New Year's Eve, and we're trying to speak positivity and intention into existence. Let's be honest though; the Panerabread is still running rampant and Omarion is doing a little too much "Touch". Who knows what gonna happen once we strike midnight. Let's focus on what we can control; that's bringing entertainment to your ears. This week, since we're done with Christmas, we can focus on the things that matter, like pre-loaded stripper playlists, public health, and Crimea. Specifically, the Crimea River by Justin Timberlake. 

From Kyle and Ethan at the Free Buffet, we wish a you happy and healthy 2022. You can stay healthy by following the advice of Commissioner David Chokshi. But not David Chokachi. He's from Baywatch, and we're not sure on his stances regarding public health. We're guessing they're fine. You have to be healthy to run up and down that beach sand...

MERRY CHRISTMAS! You get a double present this week, as your Black Nutcrackers are feeling generous and we love the idea of this episode playing in the background as you sit by the Christmas Tree opening gifts. Did you get what you wanted? If not, hop over to TikTok to get very niche treats that cater to your specific desires. For example, you can watch a multitude of Sexy BDSM Santas. We love you, jordanxbrandt.

This is our Year In Review! Or more accurately, the Year We Forgot, because so much happened that made no sense so we blocked it out. There was an Olympics! And an Insurrection! And Dahli spreading their adorable charisma on Dragula (and spreading their other things elsewhere). We also read each other on our Spotify Wrapped lists. Well, we try to...we literally cannot pronounce 4 of the top 5 on Ethan's list because he is a pretentious twat. 

Happy Holidays, our little Oeuvres! (We're trying to make that the thing we call our fans. Yes? No? Try it out.) Kyle and Ethan are giving you an early present with a Christmas Eve episode. We're calling it an Early Christmas present to ignore the fact that it's a week behind, but your Black Santa's still love you even if they're a little too crunk on Coquito sometimes. This week we eventually talk about our projections of the gift of the year, and our best and worst Christmas presents (did anyone else play "Tesserae"?), but as per usual we take a mad circuitous route. Why? Miss Channing Tatum O' Neal DuPree Balenciaga has gifted us with 3 new additions to the Magic Mike Franchise. So naturally 60% of the episode is now dedicated to strippers. It's a Christmas miracle!

Also, can someone come massage Kyle? He plays a lot of sports. Like, real sports. And needs a man to come rub his back. Blake Griffin? You free? We can pay in free ad space!

Facebook isn't the only thing's that's meta, as this week this is a podcast about podcasts. Well, it's about us and how we got this whole Free Buffet shebang started. While we have the attention spans of starfish and cannot focus on anything, one thing we both agree upon is that this medium will be the almanac of these times. It's audio documentation of our friendship! *cue celebratory freeze frame* FRIENDSHIP!

We also chat about how chicken breasts are sad, busted sides on the holiday dinner table is even sadder, and how 2021's best new crime drama is Law and Order: RHSLCSVU. Seriously, nothing gets past Whitney. 

Also, how do you pronounce "Bowdoin?"

The power to control the very fabric of reality itself. Yup, we've lost it. While the threads holding our mental states together are thin and fraying, the bonds of teamwork friendship shall never be broken, as we do a late night recording against all odds. We're like the Avengers, but very tired all the time. Also we talk about Reality TV! What show do you think we'd be best on? The answer is definitely not The Amazing Race because neither of us like to be anywhere on time (We've also lost the Time Stone, don't come for us). We also chat apartment hunting, Robin Thede's accent prowess, and finding a tub that fits all this leg. Oh yeah, it's also Ethan's birthday! All he wants is a nap. He's had enough cake.