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Friday. 8:00 a.m.
Why am I awake
when the world still feels undecided?
Three straight days of sleep
and my mind clocks in early
without bringing a single dream with it.
No visions.
No warnings.
Just a blank interior.
So I make a deal with the morning.
Step one
walk the dog.
One dog. 150 pounds
of muscle and loyalty
who does not spiral,
who does not overthink,
who simply stands there
breathing like the earth owes him nothing.
He doesn’t ask why I’m tired.
He doesn’t care that my mind feels switched off.
He just leans into the leash
and assumes we are moving forward.
Step two
relocate from the bed
to the living room.
Six feet.
A migration.
Let’s see how that goes.
Out there
watch your friends.
Listen closely.
Some of us are balancing quietly
on the thin edge between “I’m fine”
and “I’m exhausted in places I can’t explain.”
The spiral never storms in.
It whispers.
It suggests.
It waits.
I haven’t been drinking.
I’ve been sober since October.
Clarity isn’t the enemy.
Numbness is.
I wish I could sack out of my own head
but there’s barely anything running in there.
Like the power is on
but the circuitry is tired.
Laugh out loud.
Because what else do you do
when your own mind feels like
an unplugged appliance?
I yawn.
The dog waits.
All 150 pounds of him.
He believes in walks.
He believes in motion.
He believes the day is happening
whether I feel ready or not.
Maybe today isn’t about inspiration.
Maybe it’s about gravity.
About being pulled forward
by something stronger than doubt.
Friday.
8:00 a.m.
I am up.
And when you have 150 pounds
of expectation staring at you,
you move.
By William Rochelle, but you can call me BillFriday. 8:00 a.m.
Why am I awake
when the world still feels undecided?
Three straight days of sleep
and my mind clocks in early
without bringing a single dream with it.
No visions.
No warnings.
Just a blank interior.
So I make a deal with the morning.
Step one
walk the dog.
One dog. 150 pounds
of muscle and loyalty
who does not spiral,
who does not overthink,
who simply stands there
breathing like the earth owes him nothing.
He doesn’t ask why I’m tired.
He doesn’t care that my mind feels switched off.
He just leans into the leash
and assumes we are moving forward.
Step two
relocate from the bed
to the living room.
Six feet.
A migration.
Let’s see how that goes.
Out there
watch your friends.
Listen closely.
Some of us are balancing quietly
on the thin edge between “I’m fine”
and “I’m exhausted in places I can’t explain.”
The spiral never storms in.
It whispers.
It suggests.
It waits.
I haven’t been drinking.
I’ve been sober since October.
Clarity isn’t the enemy.
Numbness is.
I wish I could sack out of my own head
but there’s barely anything running in there.
Like the power is on
but the circuitry is tired.
Laugh out loud.
Because what else do you do
when your own mind feels like
an unplugged appliance?
I yawn.
The dog waits.
All 150 pounds of him.
He believes in walks.
He believes in motion.
He believes the day is happening
whether I feel ready or not.
Maybe today isn’t about inspiration.
Maybe it’s about gravity.
About being pulled forward
by something stronger than doubt.
Friday.
8:00 a.m.
I am up.
And when you have 150 pounds
of expectation staring at you,
you move.