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This morning during Friday with Friends, we sat with a phrase that has been unfolding throughout the conversations this week:

Orienting toward someone’s good.

Not the idealized version of love.

Not the sentimental version.

But the version that shows up when relationships are complicated.

When communities hold different views.

When people are still learning how to be in relationship with one another.

The phrase comes from an older definition of love that I referenced earlier this week while reading Prentis Hemphill’s book What It Takes to Heal.

In the final chapter, Hemphill references an older theological definition of love attributed to Thomas Aquinas:

To love is to will the good of another.

Hemphill expands on that idea with a line that stopped me in my tracks:

“I think love is when you will another’s existence.”

That definition stretches love far beyond romance.

It shows up in parenting.

In friendships.

In community.

In the daily decisions we make about how we will treat one another even when we disagree.

Because love is not just something we feel.

Love is the direction we face in relationship to another person.

And that direction matters.

Love Is an Orientation

During the conversation I shared something that many of us were never taught:

Love is not just an emotion.

Emotion is fleeting.

Emotion rises and falls depending on the moment.

If love depended entirely on emotion, most relationships would collapse the moment conflict appeared.

But love as orientation is different.

Orientation is about the direction you choose to face.

Even when you are frustrated.

Even when you are disappointed.

Even when the relationship is complicated.

Orienting toward someone’s good means refusing to reduce someone to their worst moment.

It means holding the possibility that a person is capable of growth.

It means refusing to abandon someone’s humanity.

That does not mean ignoring harm.

It means refusing to dehumanize people in the process of holding accountability.

This distinction is critical if we want communities that can survive conflict.

Orientation Does Not Mean Access

Another point I emphasized during the live conversation is something people often misunderstand.

Orienting toward someone’s good does not mean they automatically get access to you.

Repair does not always mean reconnection.

Loving someone does not mean allowing them back into your life.

You can orient toward someone’s humanity and still recognize that they are not safe for you.

Boundaries are not the opposite of love.

Boundaries are often what protect love from becoming harm.

This is where many of us get stuck.

We think compassion requires unlimited access.

But real relational maturity requires us to hold both truths at the same time:

You can wish someone well.

And still choose distance.

You can believe someone is capable of growth.

And still recognize that growth may need to happen outside of your space.

This is not cruelty.

This is clarity.

Community Requires This Practice

The conversation then moved into something larger than individual relationships.

Community.

Because the truth is that community cannot exist without this orientation.

If every disagreement leads to exile…

If every mistake becomes permanent identity…

If every conflict leads to abandonment…

Then community becomes impossible.

Real community requires people who are willing to stay oriented toward each other’s humanity long enough for growth to occur.

Not blindly.

Not without accountability.

But with the understanding that relationships are living systems.

They evolve.

They change.

They unfold.

And if we rush to judgment before that unfolding has a chance to happen, we destroy the very thing we claim to want.

Community is not built through perfection.

Community is built through practice.

Where Liberation Lives

This is where this conversation connects directly to The Liberation Method.

Liberation is not simply political theory.

Liberation is relational practice.

If we cannot remain oriented toward each other’s humanity, we will simply recreate the same punitive systems we claim to resist.

Liberation requires something harder.

It requires us to hold accountability without dehumanization.

It requires us to create communities where growth is possible.

It requires us to practice repair while still honoring boundaries.

This is not easy work.

But it is necessary work if we want to build communities capable of transformation.

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