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From Savannah to Me: Why We're Still Waiting 30 Years Later
In 1995, Terry McMillan gave us Waiting to Exhale—four Black women waiting for Black men to get it together. Waiting for them to commit. Waiting for them to choose them. Waiting for them to show up. Waiting to exhale.
Thirty years later, in 2026, we're STILL waiting.
The last time I was in a relationship that lasted longer than 9 months was from August 2005 to January 2009. That's 3.5 years. And since then? 17 years of relationships that don't last. 17 years of asking myself, "Is it me? What am I doing wrong? Why can't I make this work?"
And I just realized something: It's not me. It's the Sacrificial Bargain.
In this episode, I break down Waiting to Exhale through the lens of the Sacrificial Bargain, analyzing how Savannah, Bernadine, Robin, and Gloria each made impossible sacrifices for Black men who didn't deserve them. I connect their stories to contemporary examples—Cardi B waiting for Offset to change, Remy Ma being dragged while Papoose dates someone half his age—and I tell you my own story of 17 years of waiting, of sacrificing, of asking "Is it me?"
I analyze the controlling images—the Jezebel, the Sapphire, the Mammy-Savior—that keep Black women waiting. I examine why Black women are expected to be patient, to forgive, to give second chances, while Black men take their time figuring themselves out. And I declare: I'm done waiting.
This is about Waiting to Exhale. This is about Cardi B and Remy Ma. This is about me. This is about every Black woman who has ever asked herself, "Is it me?" And the answer is: No. It's the Sacrificial Bargain. And it's time we refuse it.
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By Hilerie LindIn 1995, Terry McMillan gave us Waiting to Exhale—four Black women waiting for Black men to get it together. Waiting for them to commit. Waiting for them to choose them. Waiting for them to show up. Waiting to exhale.
Thirty years later, in 2026, we're STILL waiting.
The last time I was in a relationship that lasted longer than 9 months was from August 2005 to January 2009. That's 3.5 years. And since then? 17 years of relationships that don't last. 17 years of asking myself, "Is it me? What am I doing wrong? Why can't I make this work?"
And I just realized something: It's not me. It's the Sacrificial Bargain.
In this episode, I break down Waiting to Exhale through the lens of the Sacrificial Bargain, analyzing how Savannah, Bernadine, Robin, and Gloria each made impossible sacrifices for Black men who didn't deserve them. I connect their stories to contemporary examples—Cardi B waiting for Offset to change, Remy Ma being dragged while Papoose dates someone half his age—and I tell you my own story of 17 years of waiting, of sacrificing, of asking "Is it me?"
I analyze the controlling images—the Jezebel, the Sapphire, the Mammy-Savior—that keep Black women waiting. I examine why Black women are expected to be patient, to forgive, to give second chances, while Black men take their time figuring themselves out. And I declare: I'm done waiting.
This is about Waiting to Exhale. This is about Cardi B and Remy Ma. This is about me. This is about every Black woman who has ever asked herself, "Is it me?" And the answer is: No. It's the Sacrificial Bargain. And it's time we refuse it.