When hell is full, a single, non-articulated, rubber elf will roam the earth.  It's mouth will never close. It's arms will never bend. It's legs will never be seen with it's torso. Mostly it will jiggle. Dan (Grizzly Adams) Haggerty stars. And smokes. A bunch. In typical Christmas movie fashion, the plot mostly revolves around incestuous nazis trying to bring about the end of the world by mating a virgin with an elf. This must be the war on Christmas I keep hearing about. So, grab a carton of Camels, stack your donuts just so, and get ready for Matt and Tristan to delve into the seedy depths of 1989's Elves.