Submitted for your consideration is this undeniably 9th entry of the Funfiltered podcast. Revere its persistence. Heed its tenacity.

Unless you're a sadist - though if the 'net has implied anything these past few days, it's epidemic masochism - you'll be happy to hear that the Funfiltered boys and I have finally reached a mutual acquiescence. Contracts have been clarified. Expectations have been established. And it's unfortunate that I don't have a third alliterative declarative but I am not your slave and I ain't in the biz of contriving triplets. I just won't do it.

At any rate, a wise man (OR WOMAN, etc.) secure enough in himself (OR HERSELF, etc.) to forgo hedge-betting should expect nothing but plain sailing from here on out. The Funlimited Man-O'-War slices through the choppy waves and I'm too mentally drained to resolve the metaphor so here's a quick glossary if you want to do the maths*.

Pirate Captain = Yours Truly

Pirates/Crew = My Workforce

Landlubbers = The Humourless

Cargo/Booty/Doubloons = Comedy

High Seas = Any Form of Adversity

Walking the Plank = The Resolution of Internal Dispute

*I know I'm fusing the spheres of English and Mathematics here in an uncannily frustrating fashion, but I refer you to the preceding language if you want to pause before spelling out "CHARLATAN" in (human?) faeces on my Ford Fiesta again. It's nine letters long, it was definitely a sourer experience for you than it was for me! Never heard of "PHONY", you trogs?!

Please don't write that either.

Please just leave me alone.