Your curtains are drawn, your phone is on moon-mode and you have 37 missed calls. You blow your nose, toss the tissue out with the rest, and press play. The hot woman on screen begins to talk to you, “Welcome little monsters to another episode of, Why Gaga? A Monsters Guide to Overcoming Betrayal, I’m Cait Raft and this week I’ve brought special guest, and best friend, Joan to help us practice our coping techniques! So let's get started with some roleplay exercises, Joan, if you please, go ahead and close your eyes for us and make a vivid mental picture of Gaga: her amazing voice, her pouty lips, just her everything, good...Now hold onto that picture and on three, open your eyes and mentally replace me, with the vivid picture in your mind, got it?” Jane nods, eyes closed and Cait begins to count, “One, two, th-”

With a screech, Jane tackles Cait to the floor like a woman possessed, scratching, pulling, biting, “How dare you!” Joan wails, “ARTPOP is a masterpiece, Gaga how could you!?”

The camera angle drops abruptly with a muted crunch, as several crew members rush to Cait’s aid. The scene cuts to black and then to a close up shot on Cait: shell-shocked and bleeding, missing large chunks out of her now frizzed-out hair. The baying of hounds, the sirens of emergency vehicles and the steady fwip-fwip of helicopters can all be heard off in the distance. Cait manages to squeak, “Make sure to like and subscribe” before bursting into sobs.

Today's topics include: Quibi, Caitreon, Biden, Gaga’s betrayal and a whole lotta Topic Tuesday!

Episode originally aired live on Twitch on Tuesday 11/12/19 - VOD link for this episode here:

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/507334293

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