Charlie has a terrible poker face. Claire sets boundaries. Eko converts. Yemi solves the mystery. Michael cybers. Sun & Jin are too nice to Ana Lucia who suuuuuuuuuucks. Sawyer visits Seville. Jack tries and fails to be comforting.

Four reanimated corpses are easily tricked by a professor into visiting a haunted house for what started as a school project, but that plot is quickly abandoned, and no one mentioned it after that particular scene.

Kate commits arson. Sawyer's clueless. Michael is unsupervised. Jack is a logger. Eko is a prophet. Jin is set free. Ana Lucia barely shows up, but she still suuuuuuuuuucks.

Another fucking killer follows survivors (and people we have no emotional connection to) of the Ghostface murders to New York City, and this movie's quite unnecessary.

Sayid loves bondage. Rose & Bernard go interracial. Sun & Jin remember love. Michael grows some balls. Libby is a therapist. Season 2 is essentially over. Ana Lucia has a point, but she still suuuuuuuuuuucks.

yet another copycat killer dons the same fucking mask and begins killing a random ass group of teenagers to resurrect secrets for no real reason other than to make another movie.

Bernard climbs trees. Libby kills a man five days later. Eko loses his voice. Boone pleads for help. Goodwin is a kabob. the Tailies play chicken. Cindy enjoys korean. Ana Lucia cries like a baby because she suuuuuuuuuucks.

happy mother's day!

Sidney Prescott's return to Woodsboro coincides with that of the Ghostface Killer, and honestly...how did no one see that coming? she's essentially the harbinger of masked death. seriously. i'm shocked she's not banned from the city or at the very least shunned as a pariah.

Shannon is disowned. Sayid's packin' heat. Eko does all the heavy lifting. Boone isn't dead. Cindy's on a milk carton. Charlie's not the father. Rose hates convenience. Sawyer doesn't make it. Ana Lucia fucks it all up because she suuuuuuuuuucks.

Deadpool is abducted on his birthday and nore or less told by the TVA to join the MCU or die. but instead he goes wild card and recruits the worst possible version of Hugh Jackman to save his universe from bein' Ol' Yellered.

happy birthday, mom!