Generation Artax

Think Kim's sweet as pie? Think again. When Kim unearths a letter from her emo boyfriend in 1994, she finds clear evidence that she, too, can be cold as ice. Also, she's really sorry about that. Lori is told she has no chance with Robert, weeps into a journal about it and then berates herself later. Drama at the H.O.R.D.E Festival, what it means to be grown up, and do we look like our names or no? Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Lori's never heard of the word "gams"
• Kim goes to the Horde Festival and hurts her emo boyfriend's feelings
• Kim reconciles with her poor behavior; self-flagellation ensues
• Do we actually know who we were? Or are we just remembering whatever makes us look good?
• Lori has a breakdown freshman year when her stereo breaks
• Let's talk light coverups for the office
• Lori bought a couple clothes. She owns, in fact, several clothes.
• In 1991 Lori literally weeps onto her journal, points out the tear stains, and then later accuses herself of being such a dork
• Wisdom from Ferris Bueller about ass-kissing
• Lori wants a When Harry Met Sally Relationship
• Lori has no chance with Robert
• There aren't actually many unique human experiences.
• You're grown up when you have a husband, but you're really grown up when you have an ex-husband
• Go ahead ask us how old we are, also stop complaining about how old you are
• How long have humans had access to hot showers?
• UNRELATED: What name do you get that isn't your name, also what names do we look like?

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In case you think our sister relationship has been a unicorn dream, you might want to read Kim's entry from 1991. Because as it turns out, she dreads the minute Terri comes home from college. Why? Because she throws off the vibes and fucks up Kim's friend dynamic. Plus, Terri writes Lori a motivational letter she didn't ask for, sophomore year of high school is lackluster, and a contraption for removing spiders from your home. Gross. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Kim finally watches Schitts Creek and understands now
• Terri discovers the magic of Ritalyn
• Lori took Ritalyn and thought she was just suddenly interested in her history textbook
• Let's have a dumb fight about social media
• Terri writes Lori a motivational letter but she's mainly talking to herself
• Kim is afraid this note from the 90s will hurt Terri's feelings today, but she's kinda pissed
• It's hellish when Terri comes home from college, and Kim dreads it
• Kim's friends act differently when Terri's around because she throws the dynamic.
• We never said gay - or, we said it, but it was a derogative term at the time
• Terri is unimpressed by sophomore year high school
• Kim doesn't like the idea of having household staff, even in the middle ages
• Lori wishes she lived in America pre-everything
• Lori has never seen Avatar, but we're sure she'd fit in there
• How to get rid of spiders, and can we stop talking about spider eggs thank you
• UNRELATED: What century would you live in

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.

We kick off this episode with fears of the ocean, specifically: submerged objects, huge waves, and Hudson River ferries. On the tech front, Kim's a big fan of early-days electronic mail and Terri saves her breakup letter as a template for future use. Plus: tanning beds, spring break, and what to order at a diner at night. Also, can we just say it? Lunch sucks. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Terri's friend Kelly Anderson's debut novel The Wild Beneath hits big (no spoilers)
• The Last House movie (some spoilers)
• Lori has submechanophobia and she's really uncomfortable talking about things underwater
• Terri's afraid of waves, the North Sea, and basically has a touch of thalassophobia
• Lori gets Terri on a ferry
• Terri saves her first Dear John letter as a template
• Another boy that Terri got the ick from, and yes he was a short king
• Habitat for humanity and Kim's very wholesome spring break in Appalachia
• technology today, huh!
• Kim writes to mom via electronic mail
• Kim has her first grilled cheese as a sophomore in college
• Are tanning beds back? Cuz Lori's a fan
• Lori loved her yard-long cocktails
• Lori drops a deuce at PetSmart
• Lori has true gratitude for access to her own bathroom at any point
• Luxury is your own bathroom
• Can we be adults and stop with the stalls
• Europeans are weird w bathrooms
• Disco fries
• Unrelated: brunch or lunch
• Terri's still afraid of salads
• Lunch is useless

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OMG we're back again! Terri revisits the 90s at the Backstreet Boys in Vegas. Kim and Lori move our dad into an assisted living facility, which is giving strong cruise ship vibes. Then we go back in time to Lori's melodramatic entry from 1991 when she decides her love train has left the station. Fun fact: Terri's first few makeouts were with people named Jason. Want to play Spin the Bottle? Meh. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Are ringer tee's a thing?
• Kim and Lori move Dad into his new home, and leave his place looking like the FBI ransacked it
• Kim wants to shed her worldly goods - why do we have so much stuff?
• Lori may have a hoarding problem
• 11 yo Lori's love train leaves the station, but also, she's not into "fast" guys
• Terri's first few hookups were all named Jason
• Spin the bottle is nonconsensual and that's a problem, but it's also the point.
• Lori played spin the bottle in college, but she played it ironically
• Terri has her first kiss and tells her mom too much
• More than 55,000 boys born in 1977 were named Jason
• UNRELATED: If you could go back in time and haunt yourself, what moment would you choose?

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.

Need furniture assembled? Call Lori. She's got IKEA-level IQ. Also, they shouldn't call it a blow job because the term is misleading for beginners. Kim cuts her foot up real bad, Lori works on her memory, Terri writes Kim a letter in 1988 that sounds as if it's from overseas. By the way, does anyone remember Splashdance? Welcome to Generation Artax.

Also in this episode:

• Lori's IQ says she's good at assembling furniture
• Moving our dad to assisted living
• Why do they call it "blow job" - Kim took it literally
• They shouldn't call it a blow job, because that was confusing
• Kim breaks glass with her foot
• Kim's higher self tells her to abort mission on her first bj
• Lori works on her memory
• City dogs are better than suburban dogs
• 1988 Letter to Kim on her 12th birthday
• The secret catholic retreat we can't talk about
• First rule of Church club
• UNRELATED: Which album do you know every word of?
• Terri pretends she knows all the words to Aladdin, but def doesn't
• Kim literally still listens to Debbie Gibson
• We remember Splashdance and no one else does (prove us wrong!)
• Are cats secretly laughing at us in an evil way?

No one is surprised when Kim is elected Social Council President, but it is odd that she goes on the road to do PR work for the school. Also in this episode: Terri writes Kim a poem in rhyming couplets. Why building a fort is a critical rite of passage. Kim sneaks out to get felt up; Lori misses curfew, and Terri does the unthinkable in public. Welcome to Generation Artax.

Other times we got into trouble:

• Wiffle ball tournament
• Kim drinks Starbucks in Rome — and her order is jawdropping
• Strawberry is hot in NYC right now
• Kim used to bark people into our high school
• 14-year-old Kim was a PR Rep
• The day Kim lost her nerve and froze on stage
• Kim is voted social council president, until it involves real work
• Jan 17 1988 Terri's poem to 11 yo Kim
• The poem Terri wrote to Kim in 1988 in rhyming couplets
• Summer camp at the Bible College
• Lori's a big fan of Bob Ross
• Lori knocks a plant over and thinks it's now dead
• Kim sneaks out in the dead of night
• Kim goes retro 90s to see the Gin Blossoms
• Kim never had a unibrow, though we claim otherwise

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.

After graduating from Boston College Magna Cum Laude, what does a girl do? Pick up work as a cage dancer, of course. (Her mother was so proud.) Lori makes a gruesome discovery in her kitchen, Kim shares an email she sent from the computer lab, and Terri cries on prom night. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Whoops! We f'd up the second half of the show so we re-record it the next morning at 7am.
• Terri's cat Silas undergoes surgery and then acts like nothing happened.
• Maggots, ants, and other revolting parts of the carbon cycle
• Kim has strong feelings about carpenter ants Kim makes up a fable about the Huntsman spider
• Remember the computer lab? That place you walk thru the snow to get to so you can send an email?
• In 1995, Terri is depressed and also a cage dancer but those are not causally related

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.

We're excited that this is our 40th episode — and it's been one year since we even had the idea to do a podcast. This time, we hark back to the early 90s, and pour one out for our great Aunt Helen. Plus: Crooner revue! Lori does impressions of Cher, Judy Garland, and more. Terri has a Kevin Bacon sighting, and we all agree that VR headsets are nauseating. Welcome to Generation Artax.

Also in this episode:

• Aruba, Jamaica, ooh, I wanna take ya
• Kim can't stomach virtual rides
• Is all of life a VR headset game without the headset
• Airboating in the Florida Everglades
• Is this life a hell realm?
• Crooner revue: Lori's Judy Garland impression and obsession with Harry Connick, Jr.
• Crooner revue
• Terri has a Kevin Bacon Central Park sighting and has a weird thing about famous people
• Terri tells Kathleen Turner she's beautiful
• Do celebrities like being anonymous? Nope
• Unrelated: Whose singing voice would you know anywhere?

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.

Lori decides in the 90s that sex sucks and it's never going to get any better. Let's go over the details of the Sesame Place incident, the cactus incident, and the other assorted injuries Kim has suffered over the years. Plus: Truth or dare, Lori is a crank, and why Kim hates it when Terri takes over and ruins the fun. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Terri looks like a wacky childless aunt
• Kim makes a purchase that takes her out of the dark ages
• We play truth or dare and Kim makes Terri do a cartwheel with her pants down
• I would walk 5000 miles
• Kim's kindle hits her in the face sometimes
• How to speed read
• Kim's has a close up eye and a far away eye
• Why pirates wear patches
• Orgasms are blessings from God
• Making love vs. straight up Fng
• It takes Lori 13 times to finally understand why people have sex
• Unrelated: What did you think you'd automatically be able to do as an adult (and still can't)?

Kim and Lori recently traveled to Peekskill, NY (where Blair, Natalie, Tootie, and Jo went to school), to see Bashar, that great oracle who's big on the TikTok. Lori learns more about ancient civilizations, Terri recalls her days heading up the Publicity Club senior year, and Kim enjoys her asiago afterglow. Also, don't forget to check out Lori's new bangs. Welcome to Generation Artax.

Also in this episode:

• Terri buys the same shirt five times on Poshmark
• Kim and Lori won the raffle and got to ask an alien a question
• Alien DNA, Homo Erectus, and why we're not Sasquatches
• How not to talk to an intern
• Why We Hated Our 20s
• The worst career advice ever (and Terri wrote a book about it. Unfollow Your Passion - ever heard of it?)
• Kim's 7-year pharma sales career started in a casual convo at the gym
• Why transferable skills are the key to life
• How Lori found her passion analyzing sales data
• Unrelated: Celebrity couples we genuinely root for