How do we navigate our lives in a way that feels balanced between caring for ourselves and caring for others? Gender roles assign most of the care-taking to females, but that line is blurred now with men being “allowed” and encouraged to share equally in child-rearing situations without threatening their sense of masculinity. I used the word “allowed” purposefully because in earlier days it was not considered manly to change diapers or care for the children. That was a woman’s job. Division of labor was also assigned according to gender: women were to care for the inside of the house, men were to care for the outside chores. This might be considered old fashioned, but it continues to persist in many households.

Today, when people couple up, the chores and responsibilities of running a household tend to be more evenly divided, negotiating who will do what and who is most prepared to tackle any particular task. The healthy path to deciding who can and will do what is to have the conversation about it. Simple enough…yet, how many today openly discuss these issues so that there is some clarity in the maintenance aspects of a partnership? Too often we find that when it comes down to day to day living, we fall into the old standard patterns of gendered female and male division of labor roles. How do we rise above unconscious adherence to gender roles and break free from habitual patterns that don’t fit our unique lives and situations? How did we get here in the first place?

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There are so many perspectives from which we can explore this idea. Social forces of the day, gender expectations of the era, whether we grew up in a religious household and depending on the religion, we learned that certain behaviors were taboo. Then there is peer pressure, family, cultural and societal expectations slapped onto each of us without consideration for our unique personalities. But that’s not all. There are also forces that impact how we see the world and therefore the behaviors we deem as representative of who we believe that we are. We label ourselves as having certain qualities and not others, and consequently paint ourselves into a corner where we may find it difficult to be spontaneous or flexible because “we aren’t that kind of person.”

How do we come to adopt the characteristics, mindset, behaviors and perspectives that we have? We might say that we were born this way, or we made a conscious decision along the way that we adopted a particular way of being. Either way, are we conscious, aware and awake to “who we are”? And do we stick to these ways of being even when the situation demands for flexibility in our responses? What if we took the conscious step towards unmasking ourselves, taking the time to examine what fits and what doesn’t fit us anymore. What worked in the past may not work today. Remember, the only constant in life is change. When we become aware of patterns of behavior that don’t seem to truly reflect the Self that we are trying to unfold, how can we change? Can we come to a place of acceptance and balance for what may be one-sided in our personalities?

Awareness helps. Carl Jung described the collective unconscious, that part of the unconscious that we all have in common because we are all humans and have inherited the patterns of behaviors that we would describe as typically human. We are not like cats or dogs, but our similarity to other humans cannot be refuted. On some level we are all capable of what we witness in others behaviorally.

Jung described our human propensities as collective in nature, similar to our human physical form. One need only observe the vast differences in appearances and behaviors, but we can all recognize them as being typically human. Jung called this our psychoid inheritance. I would refer to them as a variation on “memes,” perhaps—they are stereotypical behaviors that fit a word or two that characterize a particular way of being. For example, a “worry wart” or “control freak” bring certain images to mind, complete with behaviors, emotions, and ways of thinking that fits the pattern. If we want our authentic Self to emerge, it would help if we can step back and observe ourselves. You may be surprised that you too are acting-out these patterns unconsciously, especially when we are stressed or feel backed-up against a wall.

So archetypes are typical human patterns of behavior awaiting activation that are stereotypical in humans. You’ve seen it and experienced it throughout your life. The archetype is not activated until the circumstances constellate as such to call forth the archetypal pattern to life. An archetype is a predisposed way of being, patterns of behavior that we expect to encounter at some point in our lives.

Think of being a young child. We looked forward to becoming a teenager. Then as a teenager we couldn’t wait to cross the threshold into adulthood. What did we hold in our imaginations about what it would be like when we advanced to that stage of life, inherent with the behaviors and actions that we all tend to expect from people in those stages? These stereotypical patterns of behavior relate to the roles we assume. For example, there are typical roles we may assume in life such as becoming an employee for the first time, advancing to become a manager, becoming a girlfriend or boyfriend, a husband or wife, widow or widower. What will it be like? How will we feel, act and respond?

We’ve all been through it. We might not have a clear memory of the experience, but the experience is imprinted on our psyches—what Jung called our psychoid inheritance. Similar to inheriting genes that express themselves to form our humanlike structure, we also inherit psychological “memes”—the archetypes that make our behaviors human. Ways of being. Stereotypical patterns of behavior that we all recognize, such as being the boss, a wife, a husband, a sister, a brother, a son, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, an employee. The list goes on and on. There are as many archetypes as there are situations. How will we act when we take on a new role or advance in age to a new stage in life?

For now, think of all the new experiences you had after you were born and how much you learned in the process. An archetypal situation is one wherein you walk into it for the very first time in your life. You are a virgin in that respect. As a baby you learned to turn over, crawl, stand, walk and then to run. Each milestone was met with a fresh heart and you did your best to imitate what you had observed. One way that we learn is through our observations and unless we now look back at how we have adhered to typical patterns of behavior, we will not be able to reach what Jung called Individuation—that state of being wherein we have awakened and looked within and back at our lives to see how much of it was a conscious one. Did we just do what we were expected to do, sort of mindlessly going about our lives without having asked ourselves some hard questions about what we really wanted in life? Did we avoid situations because it didn’t fit our “image”? Have we pushed down different parts of ourselves because we wanted to fit in? Did we stifle our individuality because we wanted to fit in? Think of yourself and the experiences that you had when you found yourself in a brand new situation that you’d not encountered before in your life. How did you feel? How did you behave?

With awareness we can enter into situations and not get seduced by the archetypal expression of that role, but temper it with our true nature. I may have advanced to become a boss, but what type of boss will I be? Can I still be effective yet maintain my individual ways of interacting with those who were once my peers? That is the task of the Awakened Self in a new situation…to put on the garments and mask of the role perhaps, but to not wear such a rigid demeanor that we lose all sense of who we are when we are in that role.

~ Namaste

Dr. Sharon

Music Credit Acknowledgment:

https://uppbeat.io/t/rahul-popawala/north-indian-alleys

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