I tried absolutely everything to control and enjoy my drinking. I thought there had to be a way that I could recapture the magic I once found in substances. No matter what I did, I always ended up back in detox. I would rebuild my life over and over, only to tear it down once more. I had to get honest with myself that I could not control my drinking and using. I obsessed over the idea that I would figure out a way to drink like normal people. Many alcoholics and addicts pursue this idea into the gates of insanity or death. It wasn't until I got honest with myself, that I started to change. I needed help and I finally realized I could not stay sober on my own.

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