There are times when I have doubts. I question God, and I wonder. But over the years, I have built up a memorial of stones that reassure my soul.

I have questions.

I have doubts.

Places in my thinking where I question what I have taken to be true.

Evidence is presented thoroughly and convincingly in the courtroom of my thinking, and so in a logical place, it must be true, but other factors make me waver. ‘Surely, this can’t be true.’

If God is good, then why so much pain

If God is good, then what is God good for

I can wrestle these questions out with good well-founded theology, but it’s a kiss on the lips that I need—a heart connection of compassion to my human need for surety.

What is doubt?

A doubt can be a thin slither of a question that slides into our garden of security.

The first offer of doubt was when the serpent whispered a question to Eve’s beauty and Adam’s strength.

“Did God really say?” Genesis 3:1

A question asked promotes a question to be considered and not always to be resolved. We like answered questions.

But a question brings us to consider options, and that is where we can have a seed of doubt germinating, growing, and digging deep into our thinking.

A doubt is a double stance—a shifting between two positions, a wavering, and an uncertainty.

Having doubts is not a flaw of our humanity; it’s not a black mark against your soul; it’s more a healthy sign that you are thinking.

Puppets don’t have doubts. Machines don’t have doubts.

It’s only we humans that have doubts.

Perhaps your doubts are the fertile soil for Spirit to bring new certainty.

An intimate farewell party

It was an intimate party. Not everyone was invited, but only a select few.

Don’t you feel special when you have been selected to attend a private party—you’re one of the insiders, one of the cool gang.

And this was the farewell party of Jesus.

Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. When they saw him, they worshipped him; but some doubted. Matthew 28: 16, 17

Here they were. The eleven disciples (Judas was no longer with them) having their final connection with the fully human and fully divine Jesus, and they were worshipping him. It must have been full of glory and wonder, but some doubted.

You would think after all the events and experiences that they had had, there would be no doubt in their minds at all, yet for some, there still was.

Im glad Matthew wrote that little note down. It tells me that those that doubt are still welcome to worship. We don’t have to have everything together, and we can still have questions and ponderings.

Did Jesus have doubts?

I don’t think the fully divine Jesus would have had doubts.

But the fully human Jesus could have had doubts. Maybe in the garden of Gethsemane when he was betrayed and knew crucifixion was ahead of him. Perhaps a question briefly flitted across his anxious mind.

Leaving there, he went, as he so often did, to Mount Olives. The disciples followed him. When they arrived at the place, he said, “Pray that you don’t give in to temptation.”

He pulled away from them about a stone’s throw, knelt down, and prayed, “Father, remove this cup from me. But please, not what I want. What do you want?” At once an angel from heaven was at his side, strengthening him. He prayed on all the harder. Sweat, wrung from him like drops of blood, poured off his face.

He got up from prayer, went back to the disciples and found them asleep, drugged by grief. He said, “What business do you have sleeping? Get up. Pray so you won’t give in to temptation.” Luke 22:39-46

The questions.

 

Is this really what you want me to do?

 

Is this path of suffering truly my path?

 

The tempter allures us with doubts.

 

Pray so you won’t give in to temptation.

Pray so that the slither of a doubt doesn’t become a wedge that drives deep into his thinking.

Calming the emotional brain

I’m reading The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma by