A woman lay awake, groggy but fully conscious. Everything from her neck up was angled such that she could see around the simple white room, a luxury granted by the prior screeching efforts of her motorized hospital bed. She turned her head to the right and smiled at her partner —a man in his mid to late thirties— seated on a visitors chair and holding her hand. His face was gaunt and filled with concern. He obviously hadn’t been sleeping much, and who could blame him? With his free forefinger he brushed a curl of hair from her eyes and tucked it around her ear. “Tell me again why you wanted the operation here?” He asked. “I mean look at this town, they’re nice and all but they’re all so...so..” “Backwards?” inquired the woman. “Well..” her partner shrugged his shoulders but didn’t finish, he didn't have to. She knew about his misgivings and had some herself, but her uncle knew things, lots of things and backwater towns be damned, if he trusted this doctor then so would she. Her reply was silent, she did nothing but squeeze his hand with what little strength she had left. Just then the door to the room opened and in walked an older gentleman wearing a cowboy hat and a white doctor's coat. He greeted the couple with a thick country accent, and addressed the woman's partner. “Well as you know, The Lord decided to test your lady here by giving her some complications with—” He made a circular motion that encompassed his entire chest area. “God’s Wonderful Breathing System.” The woman’s partner looked confused, “I’m sorry, are you —you’re talking about the growth...on her lungs right? ” The doctor shook his head in the affirmative, “That’s what I said son; complications with God’s Wonderful—” He made the circular motion again, “Breathing System.” The doctor looked pointedly at the woman’s partner for a moment, then continued. “Now after a prayer breakfast the surgery team and I got together and we—” The woman's partner shut his eyes and blurted “Who cares about your breakfast! Tell us about the goddamn operation! is the tumor gone or not!?” The doctor flinched at this, made the sign of the cross and said under his breath, “He does not mean it lord..” while at the same time the woman gave her partner a harsh whisper, “Be. Civil.” Her partner apologized, and the doctor cleared his throat before adjusting his bolo tie. “Well now. If y’all will let me finish. After some prayer, my team and I were able to make a long incision—” He drew an invisible line down the center of his chest “into your lady’s God-blanket, not to worry that just what we call skin ‘round these parts. We made a cut into her God-blanket and went right up under Adam's ribs and— ” The woman's partner interrupted and said as politely as he could, “Please Doctor. Just tell us, is the tumor removed?” The doctor chuckled and said, “Why yes son. Praise and glory to his name, by his will we were able to remove all traces of Satan’s little penis.”

Topics Discussed on Today’s Episode Include: Ladder-Talk, Establishment Dem’s Lose Big, “Oh Really Dude?”, Trumps Megachurch Superspreader, Gods Wonderful Breathing System, and Police Sex Traffic Ring.

Episode(s) Originally Aired 06/24/20 — VOD: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/660099067 https://www.twitch.tv/videos/660498113