Going to War for My Wife | Parables from the Pit | Ep 010

In this week's episode, Warrior Week 28 Graduate Andy Carter is joining Coach Sam to talk about possibilities beyond the Pit and making choices that can alter the destiny of your marriage and children. Parable #1: Co-signing Bullshit Many people want to avoid collision and are reeled in by those that will tell them what they want to hear, who will co-sign on their comfort zone and on something that doesn't hurt. Warrior Week allows men to be exposed to their current reality of life, feel the pain, allowing that pain to give them the power, path, and possibility of becoming a better version of themselves in all areas of their life. Andy's path to Warrior Week began two years ago. He was a successful entrepreneur living a pack of lies inside a superficial bullshit land where no one had the guts to call him out on his shit. He was broken, lost and ready for change, having gone from being a problem solving Producer and Creator to a numbed out, drunken shell of the man he used to be. QUESTION: What are you seeing about yourself in this? What painful reality are you glossing over in your life and are afraid to look at? Parable #2: Surrendering To The Pit Yields Gifts Andy's experiences during Warrior Week brought fears and shit to the surface that had been buried deep inside of him for years. He didn’t want the crap and drama that he had experienced with his dad to transfer to his beautiful little boys, and wondered how he was going to do that. Andy: I was in the ocean going out to the black darkness with all of these other men, each of us looking for that 'thing' that is so personal for us. I experienced how the Pit exposes the fuck out of you and surrendering to the process, revealing the miracle of killing my ego and being reborn with a new set of eyes. QUESTION:What is buried deep inside of you that is holding you back from experiencing true peace and power in your life? Parable #3: The Drift, The Pit and The Voice When Andy came to Warrior Week, he was seeking clarity inside of his marriage: Am I going to stay married or get divorced? Is this the right partner for me, for my life? Do I want to spend the next 40 years living with this woman? One full year later, after completely immersing himself in the Warrior's way, going all in and doing the fucking work, he and his wife found themselves in the throes of a nasty divorce. After Drifting for five days, drinking himself to numbness every night with his bottle of Jameson, waking up with the shakes and being in a very dark place, all he wanted was for the ugliness of what was going on around him to just go away. Andy received a little visit from The Voice: Have you ever really been all in with her? QUESTION: Are you fucking all in with your wife?   Parable #4: Shatter the Fucking Cycle Andy arrived home from Warrior Week to face the surprise and pain of an empty house. He didn't want his kids to walk one hour in the shoes he had walked as a little boy experiencing the life of coming from a broken home and all that entails. It was time to break the fucking cycle. As a little boy, Coach Sam was a sponge for what was taking place between his parents and prayed night after night for them to be happy and not fight anymore. There was a pivoting point where his dad made a choice to veer off the path leading to divorce, turning around everything for them and breaking their family cycle. QUESTION: Where in your life would making a different choice break the chains and cycles that have existed in your family for generations? Parable #5: Fuck You/I Love You "I almost fucked it all off because of a story; I almost didn't give us a shot because I was scared." Today, Andy and his wife are unstoppable. His wife is a badass and fuels his desires to Create. They're business partners and together make a crazy amazing team as parents for their children, who now get to see their parents work through problems together, rather than sitting in-between the chaos and fog of separation. Sam: When we talk about Power and finding Power - dude, you went through fucking pain to find this power that you have here which I can feel. Above all, who you are today is a man who operates from a place of Truth. You’re "the man" when you start telling the truth in any circumstance, where the fuck you’s and the I love you’s both need to come out.   QUESTION: What changes does this conversation inspire you to begin making?   Parable from the Pit:   "People go to therapists, doctors and psychologists spending all kinds of fucking money trying to drop the pain. The problem is, the pain does not get processed. There are solutions that are shared, paths that are put in front of them, and in many cases it helps, which is great. But the pain itself does not get processed. The pain needs to be processed. In order for the pain to be processed, there needs to be power found on the other side.  No power, the pain remains, the pain is not processed. No balls to process the fucking pain = no power." -Coach Sam Falsafi   "There are Gifts in the dark Pits of pain. Once you get those Gifts, right on the other side, is life changing and Power. You must physically go through the dark pain and face your shit. Then you must break, which gives you the ability to rebuild, creating more capacity inside of you for growth and expansion. If you don’t physically go through that pain, you’ll never get the Power. Someone can’t tell you about it. With every atom of your body, you have to physically experience it.   -Andy Carter