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By Brian D. Smith, Grief Educator & Founder of Grief 2 GrowthFeaturing Dr. Sara Redondo, MD

Introduction: Why We Must Talk About Grief

Grief changes everything. It changes how we breathe, how we think, how we see the world—and most of all, how we see ourselves.

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I joined Dr. Sara Redondo, a medical doctor from Spain, for a powerful and emotional conversation about one of the most difficult experiences a person can face: grieving the loss of a child.

Together, we shared our stories—not to relive our pain, but to light the path for others walking through their own.

Because grief doesn’t need to be hidden. It needs to be heard.

Brian’s Story: Losing Shayna and Finding Purpose

My daughter Shayna was just 15 years old when she passed away suddenly in her sleep on June 24, 2015.

She was healthy. She was thriving. A volleyball and basketball player, full of energy and light. She had just finished ninth grade and was preparing for her sophomore year. That morning, we went to wake her, and our world fell apart.

As a parent, there is no greater nightmare than losing your child. The pain was indescribable. It wasn’t just heartbreak. It was disorientation. A collapse of everything I thought I knew.

And it wasn’t the first time I had struggled with death.

As a child, I had a deep, paralyzing fear of dying. I had panic attacks at night, haunted by thoughts of what might happen after we pass. That fear drove me to study death, near-death experiences, and the afterlife in my 20s. But no amount of intellectual preparation could have braced me for the emotional impact of losing Shayna.

At first, I didn’t want to live. I didn’t want to “get better.” I took a silent vow, like one of my ancestors, Thomas Jefferson, after he lost his wife, that I would never be the same again. I believed staying broken was how I would honor my daughter.

But I soon realized: I had a wife, another daughter, and people who still needed me. Perhaps most of all, I came to understand that staying broken wouldn’t honor Shayna. It would silence her legacy.

Learning to Live Again: Healing Through Community and Meaning

I found my way forward not through forgetting, but through remembering with purpose.

I joined organizations like Helping Parents Heal and the International Association for Near-Death Studies (IANDS). I later joined the boards of both. I became a certified grief educator, published books on coping with grief, and began coaching others one-on-one through their own losses.

Today, I write regularly on Grief 2 Growth, helping others find light in the darkest moments of their lives.

“I believe I’m here to live her legacy.”

And I do. Every story I hear, every parent I sit with, every conversation like this one with Dr. Sara, it’s part of Shayna’s legacy now.

Sara’s Story: A Young Doctor’s Journey Through Grief

Dr. Sara Redondo’s story echoes a different kind of heartbreak, but a familiar emotional landscape.

She was 22 years old, just finishing her first year of medical school in Spain, when her world changed forever. In the midst of celebration with friends, her father called her home. Her mother, a non-smoker, had been diagnosed with advanced lung cancer.

A year later, her mother died at age 56.

“It broke me,” Sara said. “I didn’t want to see anyone. I fell into depression, anxiety, insomnia… even binge eating. I felt so empty I started to eat until it hurt—just to feel something.”

Her pain didn’t stop there. A few years later, her beloved cat—who had been with her for 23 years—had to be euthanized. Around the same time, Sara suffered a severe burn injury in a kitchen accident, requiring three surgeries and months of daily care.

“I’ve felt physical pain. And I can tell you, grief can be just as real. Just as consuming.”

What Helped Us Heal

Healing is never linear. But for both Sara and me, the turning point came when we stopped grieving alone.

For me, it was community, finding other parents who had experienced the unthinkable. I leaned on spirituality, tools like meditation and mediumship, and daily practices that helped me keep moving forward.

For Sara, it was movement. Running helped her cry, release, and breathe again. It motivated her to eat well, sleep better, and gradually reconnect with life. And eventually, she met her husband—proof that joy can re-enter a life, even when it once felt impossible.

“It took me five years to laugh again,” Sara admitted. “But connection brought me back.”

Common Grief Reactions (And Why You’re Not Broken)

Grief can look different for everyone. Some of the most common (and confusing) responses include:

* Guilt (“I should have done more…”)

* Anger (at yourself, others, or even God)

* Numbness or emotional shutdown

* Isolation

* Overeating or loss of appetite

* Insomnia

* Shame for “still grieving”

And for many people, like Sara and me, there’s a deep-seated guilt that lingers.

Sara blamed herself for her cat’s death. I fixated on not hugging Shayna the night before she passed. As irrational as these thoughts may sound, they’re heartbreakingly human.

“We will always find a reason to feel guilty,” I told her. “It’s not about logic. It’s about loss.”

And loss demands compassion. From others—and from yourself.

How You Can Begin Healing Today

There’s no quick fix for grief. But there are better ways to walk through it:

* Talk about itShare your story, even if your voice shakes. Grief thrives in silence. Healing begins with connection.

* Find your communityWhether it's Helping Parents Heal, Compassionate Friends, Forever Family Foundation, or the Grief 2 Growth online community, you don’t have to do this alone.

* Honor your grief ritualsJournal, run, cry in the car, visit their favorite place. Whatever helps you feel and process is valid.

* Avoid over-identifying with painHealing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means making room for love and joy again—without guilt.

* Seek professional or peer supportCoaches, counselors, and spiritual companions can walk beside you when it feels too heavy to walk alone.

“You don’t need permission to grieve publicly,” I reminded viewers. “But sometimes we just need someone to say it’s okay.”

Final Words: Walking Each Other Home

One of my favorite quotes comes from Ram Dass:

“We’re all just walking each other home.”

That’s what Sara and I hoped to do in this conversation. Walk with you. Not to fix you. Not to move you on. But to remind you that you are not alone.

Grief may be a part of your story. But it’s not the whole story.

Whether you’re grieving the loss of a child, a parent, a pet, or a life you once knew—your pain is valid. Your healing is possible. And your love is eternal.

Join the Conversation 💬

We’d love to walk this path with you.

Join my free online community at grief2growth.com/communityConnect with others who understand. Share your story. Discover hope.

Find me at https://www.grief2growth.com

Let’s walk each other home.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit grief2growth.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit grief2growth.substack.com/subscribe