Fr. Harry and Fr. Anthony explore how internet culture, consumerism, and disincarnate “platforms” distort Orthodox teaching and tempt all of us to become unappointed theologians. Drawing on Metropolitan Saba, Thinking Orthodox, St. James 3, and St. John Climacus, they unpack why theology must remain ecclesial, relational, and local—discerned and bounded within the life of the parish and the wider Church. They conclude with a pastoral call for accountability in online ministry and for internet engagement that flows out of real parish life, gratitude for one’s bishop and priest, and a deeper commitment to becoming saints together face to face.