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Guidelines for Children’s Privacy in the Family
[Week 23 of 52 Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Child]
Why toddlers don’t have privacy rights
I have never met a toddler I could trust. That doesn’t mean they don’t have their endearing moments of (apparently) supreme thoughtfulness. But toddlers can go from sweet to impish in zero seconds flat. So, no, I don’t trust them.
When there are toddlers in the house, my radar is on. If I am in charge of the toddlers, my radar is tracking big time. They don’t get any privacy. I don’t have to knock before I enter. I don’t have to ask if I can watch what they are doing. I am more observant than the NSA.
Alas, or fortunately, depending on who you talk to, toddlers grow up. The question is: When are they grown up enough to have a reasonable expectation of privacy? I don’t think there is some magic age at which this happens. In a loving home with good communication, increased privacy for the children is something that will develop based on certain criteria.
When does sneaky matter?
The younger a child is, the more likely it is that attempts to hide mean he is trying to get away with something. Certainly any child old enough to walk may just wander to another room without nefarious plans, but even if he isn’t trying to hide, there is more than one reason to check on him whether or not he “wants to be alone.”
Obviously safety is a major concern. It is pretty amazing how fast a four year old can get out her father’s shaving supplies and go for the jugular. I do speak from experience. I don’t care how much privacy she might want in the bathroom, it is not healthy for her.
Destruction is another issue. It is very difficult to child-proof a house. There is no substitute for supervision – and even that will never be 100 percent. A parent can only keep trying. That’s why I have a beautiful cross stitched picture hanging in my house with mended scissor slashes across it’s skyline. That little fiasco was a three year old’s attempt to work on mommy’s project for her… in secret. I’m glad I interrupted when I did.
The naked truth
Young children are unconcerned about being seen naked, until one day they just are. I have always taken this as an indicator that it is time to begin giving them some privacy. However, this was not done in an all or nothing sort of way.
As long as children need parents, their parents have the prerogative to decide how much privacy is appropriate for a given situation. Such privacy may be temporary and subject to quick reversal. It is similar to the issue of property rights that I discussed in
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By Laura Blodgett[Week 23 of 52 Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Child]
Why toddlers don’t have privacy rights
I have never met a toddler I could trust. That doesn’t mean they don’t have their endearing moments of (apparently) supreme thoughtfulness. But toddlers can go from sweet to impish in zero seconds flat. So, no, I don’t trust them.
When there are toddlers in the house, my radar is on. If I am in charge of the toddlers, my radar is tracking big time. They don’t get any privacy. I don’t have to knock before I enter. I don’t have to ask if I can watch what they are doing. I am more observant than the NSA.
Alas, or fortunately, depending on who you talk to, toddlers grow up. The question is: When are they grown up enough to have a reasonable expectation of privacy? I don’t think there is some magic age at which this happens. In a loving home with good communication, increased privacy for the children is something that will develop based on certain criteria.
When does sneaky matter?
The younger a child is, the more likely it is that attempts to hide mean he is trying to get away with something. Certainly any child old enough to walk may just wander to another room without nefarious plans, but even if he isn’t trying to hide, there is more than one reason to check on him whether or not he “wants to be alone.”
Obviously safety is a major concern. It is pretty amazing how fast a four year old can get out her father’s shaving supplies and go for the jugular. I do speak from experience. I don’t care how much privacy she might want in the bathroom, it is not healthy for her.
Destruction is another issue. It is very difficult to child-proof a house. There is no substitute for supervision – and even that will never be 100 percent. A parent can only keep trying. That’s why I have a beautiful cross stitched picture hanging in my house with mended scissor slashes across it’s skyline. That little fiasco was a three year old’s attempt to work on mommy’s project for her… in secret. I’m glad I interrupted when I did.
The naked truth
Young children are unconcerned about being seen naked, until one day they just are. I have always taken this as an indicator that it is time to begin giving them some privacy. However, this was not done in an all or nothing sort of way.
As long as children need parents, their parents have the prerogative to decide how much privacy is appropriate for a given situation. Such privacy may be temporary and subject to quick reversal. It is similar to the issue of property rights that I discussed in