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Guidelines for When Your Child Asks Why
[Week 31 of 52 Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Child]
How to prepare yourself for the question why
Have you heard the joke about young boy who asked where he came from? His mother hadn’t expected that question quite so young, but she took a deep breath and explained human reproduction. Her small son listened patiently, but at the end asked, “But where am I from? Joey is from Georgia.”
When a child asks a why or how type question, a parent should also ask, “Why?” That is, “Why is the child asking the question?” The answer probably fits into one of these categories:
It is to a child’s and a parent’s benefit if a parent guides a child in how and when the question “why?” is asked. Asking “why?” is basic to the learning process, but it can also be wielded manipulatively.
Asking “why?” is like using a hammer. If it is done the right way at the right time, the results are very helpful. Things come together. If “why?” is swung around carelessly or aimed at things that don’t need it, there will be pain and destruction.
When we help our children learn how and when to ask “why?” we help them to work on relationships and communication, as well as responsibility.
Trust and authority
There are two key components to delaying an answer to a child. One is the child knowing he can trust the parent. The other is appropriate parental authority.
I know that many libertarians despise the concept of any authority. While I agree whole-heartedly that no adult should claim authority over another adult, parenting is different. As I have said before, if parents are to be held responsible for the care of their children (which most people agree is proper and necessary), then there has to be a measure of authority given them. Otherwise it is like tying someone’s hands and feet and telling them to swim.
It might help to differentiate between attitudes in authority. To have authority does not mean it is good or okay to be capricious or constantly selfish. Healthy parental authority is used for the good of the child, the good of the parent-child relationship, and the good of whole family.
Much is in the timing
Every child’s first why question is probably an honest one. Parents are delighted by the child’s lively mind and are happy to interrupt the proceedings in order to pass on knowledge.
Sooner or later a couple of things are likely to happen. One, the child ends up asking a question at a bad time. Two, the child notices that parent
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By Laura Blodgett[Week 31 of 52 Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Child]
How to prepare yourself for the question why
Have you heard the joke about young boy who asked where he came from? His mother hadn’t expected that question quite so young, but she took a deep breath and explained human reproduction. Her small son listened patiently, but at the end asked, “But where am I from? Joey is from Georgia.”
When a child asks a why or how type question, a parent should also ask, “Why?” That is, “Why is the child asking the question?” The answer probably fits into one of these categories:
It is to a child’s and a parent’s benefit if a parent guides a child in how and when the question “why?” is asked. Asking “why?” is basic to the learning process, but it can also be wielded manipulatively.
Asking “why?” is like using a hammer. If it is done the right way at the right time, the results are very helpful. Things come together. If “why?” is swung around carelessly or aimed at things that don’t need it, there will be pain and destruction.
When we help our children learn how and when to ask “why?” we help them to work on relationships and communication, as well as responsibility.
Trust and authority
There are two key components to delaying an answer to a child. One is the child knowing he can trust the parent. The other is appropriate parental authority.
I know that many libertarians despise the concept of any authority. While I agree whole-heartedly that no adult should claim authority over another adult, parenting is different. As I have said before, if parents are to be held responsible for the care of their children (which most people agree is proper and necessary), then there has to be a measure of authority given them. Otherwise it is like tying someone’s hands and feet and telling them to swim.
It might help to differentiate between attitudes in authority. To have authority does not mean it is good or okay to be capricious or constantly selfish. Healthy parental authority is used for the good of the child, the good of the parent-child relationship, and the good of whole family.
Much is in the timing
Every child’s first why question is probably an honest one. Parents are delighted by the child’s lively mind and are happy to interrupt the proceedings in order to pass on knowledge.
Sooner or later a couple of things are likely to happen. One, the child ends up asking a question at a bad time. Two, the child notices that parent